Profile for DieAnna
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DieAnna
Termagant
letter. from the lost days :)
Set at 01:12 on November 18 2009
Quote: "I don`t want the world to see me, 'Cause I don`t think that they`d understand .... When everything`s made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am .... "
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PROUD MEMBER OF THE HOUSE OF CAOMHNOIR-AN-EOLAS
"Oh, can't anybody see,
We've got a war to fight,
Never found our way,
Regardless of what they say."
If my own mind scares me, then I scare it back ! uh ..
Here I`m supposed to describe myself, right? For the sake of creating a profile, right? Here we go ..
First of all, I`m a former member of VR and of The House of Caomhnoir-an-Eolas, which I am again thanks to the urge I felt to return.
"Storm,
In the morning light,
I feel,
No more can I say,
Frozen to myself."
Let`s take it this way .. PRO-FILE .. sounds good, doesn`t it? Sounds as if .. reading such a thing, you get to know someone or something. Oh, well.. WRONG. You get to know what that someone wants you to. Most of the cases are faces one creates. The way one wants to be or wants to be seen. I`m tired of being all "sugar, spice, and everything nice" , because .. I`m not! I`m what you call .. a bitch. maybe literally, but not really .. I live my life in a hedonistic way but not abusively.
Generally I speak my mind, fact that bothers most of the population who simply can`t take a general truth about them or a mere opinion. I`m tired of the speeding downfall of society and of the world. It`s dominated more and more by "the law of the jungle", the meaner the better, the more one preoccupies himself with others the better .. instead of taking care of their own shitty lives :).
That`s why I have a tendency not to care. In general. About anything or anyone. About what people think of me, of what/how I am, of what/how I do. That is strictly MY business and nobody should mess with it. You`re no one to care what I do and why.
I`ve heard so many stories about myself that I could write a bed-time story book .. it`s funny how some make me famous without me asking it *laughs*.
[This is a picture I took from a train on my way home from one of my favorite places. My father lives there and it`s the place I feel best in. Freedom, isolation, and a lot of horse-riding.]
[If you feel the need to pleasure yourself with my virtual help, please go and look elsewhere. Thank you.]
I`m a student of Psychology now, and finally I feel that`s something I WANT TO DO. Hopefully all goes well around there, as I`m perfectly conscious about how hard it actually is.
Things I love and enjoy anytime are coffee, cigarettes, sex, horse-riding, reading and psychology. What drives me mad is someone trying to impose things to me.
Music like In flames, Rammstein, Cradle of Filth, Opeth, Robbie Williams, Romper Stomper, Slayer, Tarot, My Dying Bride, Lake of Tears, chill-out, ambiental, some psychedelic and many more gives me energy and sometimes helps me.
I`m not depressive, I love myself, I just comply in my human being situation and that`s it.
Although I keep questioning myself about anything. I think I`m trying to discover my PROFILE *winks*.
Everyone keeps telling me to update so they can re-rate .... I find it kind of funny, though. I won`t change something in my profile because someone, anyone disapproves of it.
Of the many things I`ve done until this point, I don`t really regret anything besides giving ballet up.
Nothing else. Everything I`ve done was conscious and because of my own will, so I just tried to learn from my mistakes and not blame them on others or have remorse.
And now I`m just sitting and doing nothing, longing for a good cigarette and having my morning coffee.
Sometimes I feel as if I were a piece of a puzzle that landed from the Moon and ended up in this puzzle it doesn`t belong to .... the world.
I need to get out, make an escapade, be alone with my thoughts and with myself. I have so many things to sort out, that not even a lifetime would be enough ....
I`m too selfish at times, I prefer to do something by myself and only for myself, as I`ve been proven enough times that others aren`t worth the time and effort.
Death is also a big curiosity for me .... what happens when you die? there are so many myths and stories that I don`t know what to think anymore. And I can`t know .... not before I die. I`m not afraid of dying .... I quite embrace the idea .... maybe there`s a better place beyond death .... or a worse one. no one can know.
What I know, though, is that I`d rather be incinerated or give my body for organ-donation, as the cemeteries are .. full.
I love going out, to cafes, parks, or simply on the streets, alone and not only, and watch people. How they react, how they laugh, maybe cry .... how they concentrate, how they explain, how they shut up .... I like watching people anywhere. I`m fascinated by them. I try to understand, to see beyond what they show. I usually keep myself hidden under a "cloak" .... and very few really manage to take the cloak off. I can be a really good actress if I want to.
Maybe all I`ve written here is pure blasphemy. But who can tell? Nobody. Maybe I created myself a new face by writing this profile. Or it may be the pure truth. I don`t have many masks, but I wear them wisely and when necessary. No one is single-faced, we all have times in life when, for someone or something, we sacrifice our true selves.
Lately though, I began to wear only one mask, my true one. That was the moment when I lost or kept "friends", when many truths were revealed.
Oh well, if any of you sorts out whether this whole description of mine is true or just another bed story, message me .... I`m quite curious.
"On your stage
A show that you create
All by yourself
I am nowhere
You never noticed
You were so sure
Don't you know life turns me
Always wants me
I can hardly pray"
(The quotations are lyrics from Portishead, the songs 'Roads' and 'Plastic'.)
I must leave you for now, I expect you enjoyed our encounter .. >:)
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Profile Created: Dec 08 2007
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Last on: November 20 2009 at 21:56 UTC
Times Viewed: 15223
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| Times Rated: | 954 | | Rating: | 9.82 |
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Just stopping by for a re-rate and to say happy (belated) birthday. Great profile, as always *10*
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12:55:14
Nov 20 2009
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10:42:00
Nov 20 2009
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