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MooniePie
Premiere Sire
I like my coffee like I like my women...in a plastic cup
Set at 21:31 on November 16 2009
Quote: In reality, we are all travelers - even explorers of mortality.
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I have never quite gotten the hang of talking about myself. Especially in situations like these. I think I have written and rewritten my profile numerous times and they never seem to fit me. Maybe it’s just because I can never find that comfortable spot to actually write from. It always makes me somewhat uneasy to express too much of myself. I’m not sure why really. Then I guess if you didn’t want to read it you wouldn’t, right?
So let’s start with the basics and move our way on from there. Sound good?
I am a 29 year old female that dwells in Michigan. I have lived here for all of my life. I’ve often wondered what it would be like to move from this place, but I am not sure if I will ever find out. Maybe one day when I can overcome the fear of drastic change.
I am single and have been for many years. I do plan on staying single for many more years. While that never used to be a goal of mine it seems to have become it at some point. Maybe not so much as a goal but a way I’ve started to see myself in life.
I am a loner by nature, silent by choice and a recluse by circumstances. Even in real life I am this way. I would rather be silent than just talk to hear the silence be filled up with words. We waste too much energy trying to fill silence that needs not be filled. I am sure some do it out of fear or maybe other reasons not known. I am sure being a loner has also played a part in my preference of silence. When you distant yourself from people within the world for various reasons you tend to become comfortable and accustomed to the silence that comes with it.
Do I hope maybe to find that someone that will complement me in life? Yes, I do, but I am too old to believe in fairy tales. And in this day and age they seem to happen less and less. As pessimistic as that last statement sounds I am not really. I don’t count lying to yourself in order to be blissfully ignorant and happy a bad thing. Not unless you are doing it a compulsive way. Then there very well could be a problem.
I am walking contradictions at times. Or maybe it’s just a personal balance.
While I value the friends that I have, I do not have any issues with just walking away. This is one of those personal balances that I have. I do not have very many friends. Actually I have very few. I find it easier for my comfort level this way. I’ve never been one that could balance out numerous things like that. Maybe it’s because I mostly live within my own mind. I blame it on being an only child.
I know we all have struggles in our life. It’s a given. They will happen. They are a part of life and something that we learn and grow from. I can barely remember some form of times where there wasn’t a struggle in my life. Between a sick mother, an accident prone father and then my own personal battles it seems like all I know is some form of it. It seems like over the years it’s gotten harder. Maybe it’s just because as I grow older my heart is more on my sleeve. I am not sure. Things effect me differently now than they did years ago. At one time I was able to express feelings. To be able to feel comfortable with doings so and being around those that do. Now, it is hard for me to feel comfortable in doing so. Maybe over the years I have grown emotionally retarded, somewhat damaged or maybe even fully broken in that department. Then again, it could be fear that makes my heart race and my hands feel clammy when it happens.
I am a deep thinker. My mind is always wandering around to what if’s and what was. I am not sure why. I think it is a trait I’ve inherited from my father. I’ve noticed he does the same thing. The joys of family traits! How wonderful.
While I dread coming to this part I suppose I will discuss my recluse by circumstances statement. I will not bore you with all the horrible details as they are tedious and not something you’re probably interested in. It is not something I shout from the roof tops. I do not like to be coddled, over indulged in peoples sympathy or be a charity case because of it. It’s part of life. I am coping and dealing with things the best I can. The best I can reflects on the outside, while the absolute crumbling I have is always inward.
About 3 years ago I had emergency surgery that has left me with some complications and lifelong problems. I do not like to say I am ‘handicapped’, even though in the technical term I probably am, I just face different sorts of challenges from my day to day life that others may or may not. I have a 14 inch scar on my back. I’ve also suffered nerve damage in random places. The rest is just the tedious things that really aren’t a joy to discuss. ;)
I am pretty sure I’ve probably wrote you into absolute boredom. And of course as I read this through, I realize that yet again, I have managed to talk, talk, talk and not quite reveal a lot of things about me. I have a bad habit of doing that. I am not sure why. Maybe it’s a defense mechanism. Or maybe I’m broken in that aspect as well. I guess we’ll find out as some point in time won’t we?
There are quite a few things I like and admire. I think the most important thing would be the world that surrounds me. It amazes me every time I look out of the window and see the bright whiteness of the clouds as they float across a bright blue backdrop. Or even when I watch the Moon take the place of the sun and the night cover the once lit earth with a blanket of darkness. It’s just amazing how things just happen, and the beauty of it is just breathtaking. I don’t think enough people take pause in their lives to actually view what surrounds them. They are always busy within the hustle and bustle of things that just are so demanding.
Fall is my favorite time of season for the colors and things I have listed above. Also with it comes my favorite holiday. I will never be too old to enjoy All Hollow’s Eve. I’d even dress up for the full enjoyment of it.
I immensely enjoy those that are nearest and dearest to me. They hold a quality that makes me feel comfortable to lower my guard and become vulnerable, which is saying a lot since I despise feeling anywhere near vulnerable. I suppose it’s another one of those ‘fears’ I have.
I do not watch a lot of TV. but there are certain kinds of shows that really catch my interest. The discovery channel is a guilty pleasure of mine. Mythbusters makes me giggle. There is something satisfying with watching grown men blowing things up and then laughing hysterically about it. Also, I enjoy forensics shows. Yes, I really enjoy NCIS, and shows like that, but I really, really enjoy the real forensics shows. I remember HBO used to have a show like such that actually went through some of the things they could not show on regular TV. It always fascinated me. And then the show that makes me giggle like a school girl; The Big Bang Theory. It’s my nerdy little dream come true. *sigh*
Oh and I mustn’t forget my favorite kind of shows. Shows on haunting and things really pique my interest. Paranormal State is my weekly ritual. To miss it is blasphemy. So thank goodness I can record it if the emergency arises. lol I like to watch Taps every now and again. I cannot get into Ghost Adventures on the travel channel. I am not fond of the techniques they use. I do have to say I find Zac a nice piece of eye candy though.
Two of my most favorite pass times are reading and dabbling with Photoshop. I have been using Photoshop for a few years. I have taught myself. There is no schooling behind what I create. I do it because I enjoy it. It is a release to me. It allows me to create, use my imagination and let people enter into parts of my mind that is closed off to most people. Every time I create something I always feel like there is a little part of me etched within whatever I do; whether it’s drawing, painting or so on and so forth.
Reading lets me escape from the boring world I live in day in and day out. I’d call it mundane but with how it fascinates me so I think it’s far from.
I’ll conclude this section by throwing in a list. That way those who are bored by words can skim easily. ;)
-Paranormal State
-True Blood
-Paranormal Research
-Old Cemeteries
-Reading
-Art
-Forensics
-Friendships
-Beauty that surrounds me
-Smiles
-laughs
-Movies (horror is my favorite)
-Angels and Demons – Dan Brown
-The Da Vinci Code – Dan Brown
-Odd Thomas Series- Dean Koontz
-Harry Potter- J.K Rowling
-Septimus Heap Series-Angie Sage
-Sookie Stackhouse- Charlaine Harris
-Inheart Series - Cornelia Funke
-HeartSick Series- Chelsea Cain
-Darkest Powers Series- Kelley Armstrong
I could go on and on. But I’m afraid it would be nothing but a bore.
Yes, we all have them. The things we choose to dislike and turn away from. I am not going to dwell a lot on this topic. I will share some of the peeves that are most important to me. The ones that I cannot let go of. I choose not to define myself by the negative, but they are something you just can’t avoid.
I think lying is inevitable. It’s going to happen regardless. What I cannot stand is lying just to lie or the constant lying after you’ve given someone a chance to redeem themselves by telling you the truth. That is something I cannot tolerate. We all make mistakes. It takes courage to own up to what you have done and say the words I am sorry. Lying to me is the quickest way for me to severe a friendship. I have done it before and I will not hesitate to do it again. Once I am finished I am finished there is no more.
Those that take trust for granted; specifically mine. I do not trust a lot of people, so most the time I am very reserved in what I say. I take the trust that people put into me very seriously. I will not spread things around that have been said to me in confidence for personal gain or for vengeance. I would not want someone to do that to me, so I choose not to do it to them no matter how volatile the situation becomes.
I am horrible at idle chit chat. I think it has to do with the fact I do not like to fill the silence. It’s just something I have never quite gotten the hang of. While I do idle chit chat every once in a while, I find it very difficult to enjoy unless it’s with the right people. Most the time I find it awkward. One on One conversation can be awkward to me as well. I think it’s because I am quiet. I do better in group situations since I can flutter back and forth and my attention span isn’t stretched to its limit.
Some assumptions grind my nerves. While I am quiet and reserved I am far from stuck up. I do not think I am better than everyone. Some yes, everyone no. Yes, I realize that some people aren’t going to like me. I am fine with that. I am 100% comfortable in realizing that I cannot please everyone and everyone cannot please me. It’s life. It’s going to happen. We move on to different things.
I would say I am not fond of dramatic antics, but actually I am rather fond of the entertainment as long as it is not in malice. Actually let me elaborate. By dramatic antics I mean those that choose to vent their frustrations and dislikes in an enjoyable manner. What I do not like, however, is that there are some people who are mean just to be mean. There is no sense in it or reason for it. If you feel the need to bully, belittle people or inflate your own ego by being hurtful to others then you need to work on your inner turmoil.
Also the people who bandwagon jumps into arguments that has nothing to do with them. This is one of the most irksome things I have seen. And in pretty much most of the situations they are people who thrive on conflict and do not care to get the whole story but choose to act a fool and then look asinine when they are proven wrong. There is a time and a place to do this. Most of this that I have seen is neither the time nor the place. But then again, what do I know?
I do not want to ‘meat and greet’ anyone from here. I do not want a relationship from anyone on here. And I do not, I repeat do not; want to talk dirty to people on here. While some people might enjoy the cyber love fest, I do not. It’s never been my thing. I do joke around about it and say random things etc, but I do not want to really cyber anyone. It is ew to me. I am secure in my sexuality. I am flamboyant with my sexual-ness. I have always been. I don’t see it changing any time soon.
This is really more of an “I do not understand thing” rather than a “something I do not like thing”. I cannot understand how people can be overly pessimistic about everything. Granted there are going to be things that we are pessimistic about, but when everything you say is negative it becomes a real bore. I personally do not want to surround myself with someone like that. A person’s mood can influence my own. I’ve lived enough of my time down in that hole on my own doing. I do not wish to venture down that hole with someone else’s doing.
Okay I think I’ve ventured down that path long enough. It’s time to move on.
Ah the lovely after thoughts of things I haven’t discussed yet; a conclusion of jumbledness and last minute ideas.
You may have noticed I didn’t touch upon my music choices. Then again I will be shocked if anyone has made it this far without nodding off into sleep. Lol I am not fond of a lot of today’s music. I much rather sit back and listen to the older music. I do enjoy heavy metal, some death metal, classical, 80’s music, so on and so forth. I really have a wide variety that I enjoy. I find that now days there are so many voices that are faked and synthesized to make them into something they are not. It makes me sad that real talent is still in unknown places.
I am fascinated with old cemeteries and old structures. I think it’s because when I look at them I wonder who was there. Who would either walk upon the floors of the building or maybe the type of life the person laid to rest had day in and day out. Wondering how things have changed from the time of their life from the time to mine; if someone cared about them and what type of person they were in general.
I think I do this for other reasons as well. Ones that I struggle to accept. Will someone remember me? Will someone look at my stone and wonder those things as they read my name? Will I have left a part of me within that old dwelling that I used to frequent so much?
Basically what it boils down to is this. I am afraid to die. I am afraid of closing my eyes and never walking up, realizing that the journey after a flesh, blood and bone vessel is nothing more but darkness and, well, nothing. It makes me uneasy. It scares me. It makes me want to pass by each gravestone I see and just read their name so I can find the comfort that someone is thinking about them. It sounds kind of crazy, but crazy is as crazy does, I suppose.
I do not have a religion. For quite awhile my quote used to be “I want to find a religion, but I do not want to find it in God.” Let me explain. I do not feel as though ‘God” is the primary focus on my path to religion. Yes, I believe in God, but I do not believe in a lot of things that organized religion has to offer. I am not a fan of organized religion. While I do admire those that can speak with passion and conviction about something they so strongly believe in, I do not wish to be told what to believe, what not to believe and why I should do either or. I am sure that is not the case in every Church or worship place, but based on my limited experience with places I have been, it’s been nothing more than that. I believe in a lot of things that are inside and outside the box. It’s a part of me. There are some places where the preacher has spoke with some compassion, belief and power that it touched me and moved me to be saved at that moment. Yes, I have been saved. A few times as a matter of fact. I’m probably do for another one soon. Lol
In my journey of knowledge I’ve become interested within paranormal investigating. I have been to numerous places around Michigan that is said to have paranormal activity. Some of these places were not pleasant in the least. Yes, I do believe in the paranormal, ghosts, etc. I know what I have seen. I know what I have experienced. While I am fascinated in debating the reality to fiction, my views will not change. It gives me comfort to know that there is possibly more than darkness on the other side. We all have a right to that sort of comfort. If you choose not have that, you have your beliefs and I have mine.
So now the time has come to bid the big farewell. I hope I did not bore you too much with my ramblings. And I do hope it made sense. There are times when my mind is jumbled with so many things it’s hard to have them all make sense.
Anyways, may you enjoy your journey though life and live each day as it were your last.
Godspeed, dear reader, godspeed.
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Profile Created: Jan 09 2005
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Last on: November 21 2009 at 04:29 UTC
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22:00:24
Nov 20 2009
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very nicely worded
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04:06:56
Nov 19 2009
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03:47:06
Nov 19 2009
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