Vampire Profile - Profile for MysticalWench at Vampire Rave.

Some poetry I decided to put here instead of in my journal...

The Soulless
Contradiction
Blood & Lust
Tears of Angels
Tonight
Death
The Crypt
Surrender
Moonlight Kiss
No One Cares
Unfair
Fantasy *graphic*
Werewolf
So Alone
Storm
Fight vs Flight
Tears of Blood
Forest of Death
Cold Embrace
Sorrow
Fairytale
Flames Flicker
Black Rose
I Tried
Fall
Constant Ache
I'm Sorry
Lost
Of You, I Wonder
Un....
Completely
Ideally
I Hate You
I Quit
I Quit (with alternate ending)
Liar
Beneath the Surface
Realization
Black Rose
Which Way

The Soulless

Like a thousand lashes with a whip of thorns;
Your silence pains me, like nothing I've felt before.
Feeling dirty and used, betrayed and broken;
Was in denial at first, but let the realization soak in.
I never loved some one so thoroughly, so deep;
I never felt pain like this before, so raw, so steep.
Each breath kills me, I die over and over again,
All the joy, all the happiness goes down the drain;
Pain, torment and darkness is all that remains.
Can't do this feeling justice, wish I would go numb;
Believing your words and letting you in; naive and dumb.
They say it's better to have love and lost then to not love at all;
I can't see the logic through the endless tears that fall.
They say that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger,
With you gone, and this torture, I don't want to live any longer.
Though I will go on day after day and hellish night after night;
If any potential love comes along, against it I will fight.
Three years alone, thought I was immune to loves charm;
Thinking it was safe to love you, and not come to harm.
You even fooled my instincts, there was no warning sound;
Thought the love of my life was finally found.
Fate played a cruel hand of a lonely destiny, and a loving heart;
I close my eyes while the whip continues tearing me apart.
They say to grab life by the reigns, which I don't do, I play safe,
The one time I did, ended in disaster, now I feel colder then the grave.
You looked in my eyes and told me that you weren't an a**hole;
But what you did to me, to my heart - do you even have a soul?.

(c) Melia Teka 6/14/08

Back to the Beginning

Contradiction

I need your arms around me;
I need my space.
Want to be with you forever;
Slow down the pace.

I dream and think of beauty.
Ugly is what I am.
Could I find you out there?
While I'm here sitting back.

Thoughts constantly fighting.
Emotions empty; hollow.
Always wanting someone;
Alone is where I wallow.

I have seen what love can do.
And I am running far and fast
But I want love and to love
I'm standing still, yet it will pass.

Tell me that you love me;
Deep down it's me you hate
What did I do to cause this?
Or is my being alone my fate.

The outside I laugh
The inside I cry
I need to live
But I want to die...

(c) 11/22/07 Melia Teka

Back to the Beginning

Blood & Lust

Your blood down my throat;
Nails down your back leave trails.
Your essence fills my senses;
In my arms, your life - unveiled.

My blood fills your mouth,
I hear you growl deeply;
My life flows through your veins;
We are united; completely.

The look in your eyes,
After what was shared;
Danger, heat, and desire;
Nothing can be compared.

Our hearts race louder; faster;
Passion no longer contained,
The wildness in our souls,
Now escaped, no longer chained.

We shudder now becoming one.
Power; control, no longer defied.
Your hands around my throat;
Your release will not be denied.

So close are we to that point;
Carnal; primitive desires being met.
Can barely breath, lights going dim;
This night, neither regret, nor forget.

We were made - two ends of one rope;
The intensity even more then before.
We cry out together, riding this wave;
Never ending pleasure carrying us to shore.

So close to death, Never more alive;
Your hands ease from my vocal chords.
The look you have, you finally realize;
I'm here forever, made for you; m'lord

(c) lissateka 2/13/08
(added 8th stanza 2/16/08)

Back to the Beginning

Tears of Angels

The rain pours down upon me;
They're tears of angels so they seem,
Their cries are for my anguished soul;
To heal the pain and mend the hole.
To seal the broken pieces from within,
Make me once more feel alive again.
Will I ever know true happiness?
Or will I always live in sadness?
Why does it always come to this?
Is this really all there is?
The hurt comes to surface once more.
Every time; worse then before.
Do the angels even care?
Do they look upon how we fare?
Do they ever guide us along our route?
Push us straight, when we drift with doubt?
Inside; my heart, I silently shout;
The angels hear and cry out loud.
The rain pours down upon me;
They're tears of angels so they seem....

(c) 1/12/07 Melia Teka

Back to the Beginning

Tonight

Tonight the pain is so deep
Tonight I want to permanently sleep
Drink myself into blissful death
Ease this pain, stop my breath.
The loneliness so deep within,
Will not give up, should I give in?
It hurts so bad, the tears just fall.
Tonight I want to end it all.
No love will ever claim me;
The pain will not forsake me.
I have tried to move on I really tried,
But to myself I only had lied.
Slightly was there joy then again you left
Reopened the wounds and left me bereft
Why did I forgive only to get betrayed again?
I curse you once more with this loneliness and pain .
Drop the empty bottle from my hands;
I will not ask forgiveness, for I have already been damned...
(c) Melia Teka 12/17/06

Back to the Beginning

Death

With each new life comes a certainty of death;
Each day brings you closer to that of your last breath.
How the ground welcomes you with open arms;
Knowing there will be peace, no more harm.
Thinking of those that sped the process a little faster,
Though for the ones they leave behind; emotional disasters.
Sometimes I envy the ones who had the bravery to go there,
But I would not be that selfish to the few who care,
And I would not give the satisfaction to the ones that hate me.
There is a short poem that sums it all up perfectly:

*"Razors pain you,
Rivers are damp,
Acids stain you,
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns arent lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live."

When the time comes though, I will not fear,
Everyone must go through it, whether far or near.
Will there be an afterlife? Or eternal darkness?
Will I be in hells fire? Or receive an angel's caress?
Will my ending come in agony? Or quick and painless?
Will I die surrounded by family? Or will I die alone; loveless?
Into these questions and others; I sink in deeper,
But no matter the answers, I still **don't fear the reaper.

(c) copyright 4/6/06 Melia Teka

* A poem that I do not know who wrote it
** Dont Fear the Reaper ï¿½ a song by Blue Oyster Cult

Back to the Beginning

The Crypt

As she walks at sunset, through the cemetery,
She feels peace, a calm, and no longer weary.
She walks between the graves and head stones,
And spots a crypt, standing ahead, all alone.
The cold marble walls tell a tale of their own.
How it stood there all this time,
Seeing people visit, age, grow old, then die.
With Romanesque pillars and stained glass windows,
The crypt looks beautiful, a place live people should go.
She notices the name, and dates carved into the base;
The youngest in here 3, such a sorrowful disgrace.
She opens the door, walks in, and feels a presence;
The hair on her arms stand up, and she becomes tense.
Something's not right here, she senses that now,
Just then the door slams, and locks, somehow.
She runs to the door and pushes with all her might;
Her body is preparing for this - "fight or flight."
She looks behind her and gasps at the sight.
The coffin opens, and she nearly passes out from fright.
She then smashes a window with her fist;
Wouldn't you know, now there's a fine mist.
She runs from the crypt in nearly blinding darkness,
And can not believe any of this.
There is an unease now, that comes from all around her.
She thought that she was going the right way, she was sure,
But she would have already been out of here.
She has walked here at night for many years.
She stops for a minute to catch her breath.
She can't stop too long, because of her pending death.
Then she hears something being dragged through the grass;
Knows if she can't get out soon, this night will be her last.
Too bad it's so dark, otherwise she would see,
Running is no use, in a cemetery full of zombies.
She stops again as the dragging sound gets near;
Pulls a lighter from her pocket, thinking it will make the evil disappear.
When she lights it, she screams a blood curdling scream.
She tries pinching herself as this is all a bad dream.
All around her the zombies move in slowly;
She looks at them, then starts to pray, as if she was holy.
The response she got back said 'it was too little, too late."
The zombies moves in now, and together they ate.....

(c) 9-3-05 Melia Teka

Back to the Beginning

Surrender

Sitting on the rocks overlooking the ocean,
I think about what has passed and what's to come.
All the regrets I have had,
And the many stupid things that I have done.

Will I have learned from my mistakes?
More then likely not; And my future will end up like my past.
More regrets, more stupidity, more anguish and tears,
I am stuck in a rut, and no one can save me; life's going too fast.

Everyone says I am young, and I have so much to look forward to,
But I feel well beyond my years, and I do not see any light.
This is not for pity, just a fact of what is.
I accept it as such, and I surrender to this fight.

The mist sprays upward into my face;
I lean toward the sun, the only warmth that touches deep;
A northern wind blows, and my warmth vanishes;
The cold has come back, and into my pores it continues to seep.

The beauty I once held onto, as the sun set over the horizon,
Has lost its enchantment, when watching it alone.
Just another day has passed, and another lonely night emerges,
Something I can always count on, a lasting friendship, together we have grown.

I get up and stand closer to the edge;
Watching the waves get torn open on the jagged rocks below;
I make my way carefully down to the shore,
Letting the water splash around me, and cover my toes.

I walk further into the arms of the ever constant marine,
Letting my troubles get swept far away from me for the moment;
Knowing that pain is like a loyal dog, finding its way back home.
The time I am here, takes the edge of what was deeply pent.

I slowly walk back to my jeep, lost in my thoughts.
How quickly the sadness starts creeping into my heart.
I journey to my final destination of the day;
When I get home, I lay down, thinking tomorrow will be a fresh start.

I awake the following morning, doing the same thing I did yesterday;
Showering, dressing, coffee, and out the door to work I go.
There has got to be something more to this life then what meets the eyes.
When finally my work day ends, I sigh as I will do this all again, tomorrow.

(c) 3/23/06 Melia Teka

Back to the Beginning

Moonlight Kiss

His ice blue eyes glitter like stars in the blackest sky.
They watch her watch him with a look of awe,
Long shiny black hair falls over this shoulder, down his back;
She desires to touch it, and takes a step forward, as she is drawn.

His pale skin calls out to her, with a lovers' intensity;
She's scared of this attraction, but wants him all the same.
His long slender fingers hang down at his side,
How she thinks of them, brings a blush to her cheeks in shame.

The moonlight illuminates his face which resembles a fallen angel;
A tear forms in her eyes, such beauty seems unreal.
He silently makes his way toward her, and hears her heart quicken;
This one, he thinks, will be much more than a meal.

He reads her thoughts, wants to weep at her innocence;
Could she save him from being eternally lonely?
Or would she run screaming when he told her his story?
He would relish in delight if she became his one and only.

He makes his way to where she stands;
Doesn't say a word, her look says it all.
She knows his intention and accepts that completely;
Tilts her head to the side and waits for the fall.

(c) 6/13/08 Melia Teka

Back to the Beginning

No One Cares

People promise everything and sadly you believe them,
Though when the time comes excuses become the norm;
Keep giving people chance after chance.
Until you realize that betrayal is their true form.

There is no one to depend on except you and yourself,
If something better comes along, they'll leave you for dead;
They'd rather just walk away then talk out the problem,
Not caring if a million tears you have shed.

Hoping day after day they come back to your life,
Deep down knowing, you will never see them again;
You feel so stupid for allowing them in,
It's your own fault, you have no one else to blame.

Will you ever realize there's no one there for you?
Do you wish after wish you can find someone out there?
Or at least, hear the honest truth, not another lie;
Face it, you only have yourself, no one else ever cares.

(c) Melia Teka 6/12/08

Back to the Beginning

Unfair

She sits on the window ledge and gazes out at the sky.
Wonders if "The One" is out there, or alone she will die.
People always tell her, "Everyone's other half is here, somewhere."
But trying to find them in a world of over six billion; seems so unfair.
The clouds roll in, the wind dies down,
The locusts' songs are the only sound.
A storm is coming, full of turmoil and anger;
She notices birds take flight, away from the closing danger.

He sits on his front stairs, hears the distant claps of thunder.
Feeling as though his heart has been torn asunder.
People always tell him, "Everyone's other half is here, somewhere."
But trying to find them in a world of over six billion; seems so unfair.
He notices the locusts have changed their tone,
And little critters to their dwellings, they have gone.
He feels the warm rain drop caress his face.
The silent tears he sheds, as he longs for her embrace.

She sees the rain pour down in sheets;
Goes outside; The rain, she welcomes and greets.
She starts to cry but the rain masks her tears,
She begs The Fates to have him found, to erase her fears.

The silent screams that his heart cries out,
Overpowers the thunder, which is so very loud.
He continues to let the rain fall on him freely.
He begs The Fates to have her found, which would be ideally.

Will these two souls ever become one?
No - This is what The Fates consider their "fun."
These people will find someone else whom they will "settle" for.
The chances of finding "The One" seems little more then a lore.
They will neither have true happiness, nor complete peace
Until they find each other in death, til then, no release.
It is the way it tends to work out sometimes.
No - Wait, this is how it ALWAYS works - This hell called life.

(c) copyright 8/27/05 Melia Teka

Back to the Beginning

Fantasy

As they cuddle under the blanket, on the couch,
They watch a movie, just happy to touch.
She sits content until he whispers breathlessly into her ear;
That he loves her deeply, something she's longed to hear.
She arches her back and raises her shoulders in response;
A night of passion, need, and desire; fulfillment of their every ounce.
He then bites her neck, she moans and shudders.
When he does that, no words can she utter.
She turns to him, kissing him hard, fervent, and deep;
In that kiss she tells him exactly what she needs.
She reaches for the remote to turn off the movie;
Finds the other, and puts on their favorite CD.
The fast hard guitar riffs set the level of intensity and speed.
She straddles his lap, clearly she's taking the lead.
While probing his mouth with her tongue,
She unbuttons his shirt - now it's begun.
She chuckles as she feels him shift under her weight.
Brings her kisses to his neck - no going back, it's too late.
She continues kissing and licking her way to his chest,
Gently biting his nipples - his reaction tells her he likes that best.
She flicks her tongue over each nipple, making her way down; slowly.
While doing so, she looks up at him, looking down at her lovingly.
Leaving a wet trail down to his stomach, she blows cold air, and he gasps;
Doesn't realize she unbuttoned and unzipped his pants.
She takes him into her hands, stroking him gently;
Then faster, harder, and more aggressively.
She kneels in front of him with a seductive look on her face;
Takes him into her mouth, letting the music set the pace.

She looks up to find him watching her again,
And he pushes her head gently closer with his hand.
Suggesting she goes deeper, she surrenders to his silent command.
When he starts moaning, and screams out her name,
She adds a hand to his pleasure, and he is no longer tame.
He tries to hold on and remain in control,
But with her other hand, she pinches his nipple, and then he explodes....
As she laps up every drop, she gives several fast, hard, jerks;
The aftershocks make him spasm; some little added perks.
He then puts his hand under her chin;
Bringing her up to deeply kiss him.
He lays her on her back, stripping off all her clothes.
The hunger and desire, off the charts they rose.
He bites her neck again, this time leaving marks;
He knows she likes that; it causes her to see sparks,
He brings his hand down between her legs which makes her groan;
So hot, and wet... he puts in a finger, then another, and hears her moan.
He pulls her nipple roughly with his teeth,
She wriggles while trapped underneath.
She can't take it, and arches her back telling him to hurry;
He ignores her, but grins, knowing it's frustrating.
He then looks at her, smiling while licking his fingers;
God; all this teasing he does to her.
He then unexpectedly buries his head between her thighs.
This feels 10000 times better then any drug induced highs.
His tongue gets lost within her, as he french kisses her lower lips;
Then he adds to teasing her most sensitive area, into ecstasy she slips.
She starts to squirm as the pleasure mounts.
He is doing what no other ever did; she will arrive shortly, no doubt.
He feels her tense, and rubs her even faster;
At this point, if he'd ask, she'd gladly call him master.
She reaches behind her, grabbing the sheets;
Suddenly, she throws her head back, screams, then gets release.
He drinks of her, every last drop;
It seems like it will never end... never stop.
She feels spent, he must have gotten a second wind;
He gets into position, and lowers himself slowly in.
She cries out as she is still sensitive.
He loses himself to the rhythm of the music.
Then he takes her hands, holding them down above her head.
She smiles evilly, starts talking dirty, his gentleness he seems to have shed.
He releases her hands, only to bring her knees up to her chest...
Deeper....
Harder....
Faster.....
As she feels like she's going to pop,
She tells him she wants to be on top.
She slides over him letting him fill her completely;
She moves up and down, side to side, back and forth, all hesitation fleeting.
Then as she brings his hands up to her hips,
She leans back and meets his upward thrusts, with her own dips.
The feelings this causes... unlike anything of the imagination,
Brings them over the edge and into elation.
Arriving together at their final destination,
He tells her once again that he loves her so much,
She responds, confessing her undying love, and such.
The cuddle once again, now completely sated.
Falling asleep, tangled together, knowing they will be forever, as was fated.

(c) copyright 10-21-05 Melia Teka

Back to the Beginning

Werewolf

She senses something is near and quickens her pace.
She looks around her, but can not see a face.
He sits in the shadows, hidden by trees and by brush.
He hears her increasing heart beat, as if she's in a rush.
She gets closer and he is ready to pounce.
She wants to scream out, it takes her every ounce.
He gets ready to leap, but stops dead in his tracks,
She is the one he has searched for, for years and years back.
He comes out of hiding, not sure what to do,
She sees him and smiles as if she had knew.
She stops and reaches out her hand,
He moves closer to her, and now understands.
She has never seen a wolf before.
She thinks he's a dog, doesn't know what's in store.

He lets her pet his head, and scratch his ears.
The touch seems so small, but he's waited for hundreds of years.
She looks into his green eyes and ruffle his light fur,
He wants nothing less, then to devour her.

But not in the way that you might think.
He abruptly runs off, just this side of the brink.
She shakes her head as if to clear it,
Making her way home, a different path that's well lit.

In the heart of the forest he change back to human form,
For him this mighty action, has become a norm.

He walks to his house lost in deep thought.
The urges and feelings come roaring up; for so long he has fought.
He knows he needs to see her again, and soon,
Grateful this was the last night of the full moon.
He can change anything he feels the want or the need,
But the three nights of the full moon he must constantly feed.

She goes up to her room and looks out her window,
Looking for something, but what, she does not know.
She turns from the window, lays down with a sigh,
She goes to sleep then, and dreams of the 'dog' with human eyes.

He plans for their meet, then sleeps a deep sleep,
When thinking of her, even in sleep, his heart leaps.

The next evening, she starts home again
This time looking out for her furry friend.
She spots him once again, in the clearing of trees,
The wolf stares and her, and she gets weak in the knees.
He starts treading down the path looking behind him,
She knows he wants her to follow, and she does on a whim.
He leads her toward a house far off the path,
Then runs from her, goes in the house, through the back.
She gathers her courage and knocks on the door.
It opens slowly, and stands there, one she had seen before.
She asks him if that's his dog, and he laughs and nods his head,
He says the 'dog' stays out all day and comes home to be fed.
He asks if she would like to come in
She declines sweetly with a small grin.
She admits to being lost, the dog led her astray;
He gladly says he'd take her home, they would soon be on the way.
She then comes in, sits down, and waits patiently.
Spots a picture on the wall of him and his family.
She gets up to take a closer look, and gasps out loud.
She notices the light hair, green eyes, and her heart began to found.
A hand touches her shoulder and she jumps in the air.
She feels silly, and blushes then she can't help but stare.
She has seen those same green eyes, and that same light hair.
He asks if she's OK, and she snaps out of the trance.
She nods slowly, her heart slowing, as if coming of a dance.
She wants to question him but feels to embarrassed to ask.
She feels compelled to find the truth, and this mystery - unmask.
They walk outside toward the path she needs to be on.
The air tenses between the two, she feels unsafe, as if he's a con.
He remains silent, lost in his deep thoughts,
He feels he needs to keep quiet, otherwise knows he would be caught.
She gets to the path, finally knowing how to get home.
She looks up to thank him, but finds herself alone.
In place of the man, stands this four legged creature,
She smiles getting the idea, like a student getting praise from a teacher.
She pets the 'dog' and looks deep in his eyes....
"You're him" she whispers, he looks at her with surprise.
He licks her hand gently, as if in answer,
He knows he is falling in love with her.
An abrupt noise in the trees catches him off guard;
He bites down on her hand, leaving several bloody teeth marks.
She cries out in alarm, and pulls her hand back,
She knows it was an accident, but still felt like an attack.
He can't believe what he has done, what he just did.
He runs to the forest, howling loudly, in the trees, well hid.
She hears the agonizing howl, which clears all possible doubt,
This 'dog' is a werewolf, the man who she had dreamed about.
She runs in the direction of the howls she heard.
Giggles softly, thinking this all to be absurd.
She calls for him, telling him it's OK, and to not be scared.
He hears her voice, cringes as to know, how she will fair.
He changes to human form, and approaches her slowly.
She looks at him, not with hate but a look of love, totally.
He has tears in his eyes,
Which then makes her realize;
She turns white, starts to shake and then she faints.
He knows that her blood and soul is full of taint.
He carries her unconscious body to where he lives.
He senses her changing inside, hopes one day she can forgive.

Several hours go by, and she finally wakes
Her memories are hazy, she gives her head a good shake.
She looks around, she has never seen things so fully.
The colors, the textures; ah yes - her memories are returning.
She leaves the room silently to find that he cried himself to sleep;
She could tell by the way the tears have stained his cheeks.
She strokes the side of his face, and he wakes abruptly,
He looks as though he put himself through hell, entirely.
He tells her her fate, doomed to be a slave to the hunger for eternity.
She knows she should hate him, but she can't in all honesty.
She tells him she forgives him, and he just breaks down,
To show such tenderness, to say those words, to hear that sound,
Was something he wasn't even expecting,
But what startled him even more, was the next thing;
She knelt down next to him, and kissed him so deep
The kiss took their breath away, and they started to weep.
She whispered that as long as they were together
She would embrace this life, and love him forever.
He sat there, completely stunned, not sure of what to say.
In all his long years he had never imagined this day.
He told her he loved her; how he looked for her through out the ages.
Then handed her several journals, she started going though the pages.
These journals described how he was transformed into a 'were'
How he managed day to day life, and all of his fears.
He told her he would train her, and introduce others of his kind.
She seemed so interested as if she didn't mind.
The next night he showed her how to change.
She was screaming in pain, her bones were being rearranged.
When the change was complete, and took time to rest,
She looked at her new world, feeling overwhelmingly intense.
The sounds, sights, and smells made her feel more alive then ever;
She wouldn't change this for the world - never.
He transformed into a wolf, and walked to her side.
Giving her a playful nip, she seemed to be taking it all in stride.
He showed her how to hunt, and stalk her prey.
She felt so torn, loving the chase, but hating the kill of the day.
After their run, the changed back into their human skin.
Told him she couldn't kill another animal, to her a mortal sin.
He said it would get easier for her, but he would make the kill.
He also was impressed with her progress, as though it was an inner-skill.
They went to sleep that night with his holding her tightly.
They continued this way for all eternity, nightly.

(c) copyright 8/29/05 Melia Teka

Back to the Beginning

So Alone

Heartache stirs just beneath the surface,
The cold, deathlike grip, once more takes hold;
Like a lovers caress, I come back for more,
For your love; my soul, I'd gladly have sold.

I'd take years off my life to feel your touch again,
Instead, I sit and cry, wishing to gods I would die.
To be so alone, bitter, jaded, black on the inside.
Nothing to offer no one, these empty tears fall dry.

Darkness; my friend; my constant companion;
Just you and me, together we were meant to be.
One I can count on, the one that will never leave.
The hollow beating of my heart, open for all to see.

Emptiness is the tomb in which my darkness dwells,
Overflows with disease and spreads out like a vine,
Feeds into your pores, this darkness of mine.
Taking what I love and dulling its shine.

What can I do to undo what is done?
Being alone is the only thing I have known.
What good comes to life, I try to make my own.
Always falls out of reach, dies and is gone.

To be one with death, to await that release,
Knowing it will come soon, puts the screams at ease.
Taking comfort in your open arms, gives me inner peace.
Soon the heartache, emptiness and sorrow will cease.

(c) Melia Teka 6/9/08

Back to the Beginning

Storm

I hear the winds howl and the rain pour down,
A wonderful summer evening that I must enjoy.
I walk down the stairs, letting the rain hit my face;
I love this weather, but to most it annoys.

The thunder seems to crackle just over head,
The lightning so close my heart begins to race;
I walk towards the forest across the street by the river.
Find my haven of solitude, my escape, my secret place.

I sit on the rock, with my head turned upward.
Let the water cleanse and drown all the pain,
Let it mix with my tears that falls from my eyes,
When thinking of your sorrow, your grief and disdain.

I wish the rain would wash me away,
I wish the wind would carry me to eternal rest.
I wish the thunder would open the earth to swallow me whole.
I wish the lightning would burn a hole in my chest.

Such thoughts make the tears fall harder.
Wind rips through the trees as if they were tissue.
Why did you leave me alone in this world.
I love you so much, and gods know I miss you.

I look out in the distance, and watch the river churn,
My mind goes numb, and the tears finally slow;
The storm quiets down, but the rain still comes.
Hours came and went as I sit there alone.

I ask myself a question, that brings the tears back with force;
Should I live another day, or into the river, myself do I toss.
Pro's and cons, evenly matched at this point of the game.
I walk back home with my head down, dreading a future loss.

(c) Melia Teka 6/11/08

Back to the Beginning

Fight vs Flight

She sits in her room in front of her computer screen,
Her headphones blasting away in her ears,
Completely oblivious to whatâ€™s going on around her.
Unaware of the danger, the commotion, and the fears.

Suddenly she's not alone, she can't even sense it,
But soon she will, though I fear it will be too late .
She feels this presence standing there in her room;
Turns around, and stares directly into black eyes of hate.

She gasps as she backs up slowly to her desk,
He approaches with a knife in hand and has a smirk on his face,
As he raises the knife she puts her hand behind her trying to find something sharp,
She grabs a pen, closes her eyes, and stabs blinding, hoping to hit a vital place.

He screams a blood curdling scream that chills her very soul;
She opens her eyes to see what damage she had caused,
She gets ill when she sees the pen protruding from his eye;
His blood everywhere, she starts to run away, but then she paused.

No sounds were coming from anywhere in the house;
Surely someone heard the screams and would have been here by now;
She fears she knows what happened, and is too scared to go any further,
But curiosity takes over, and she swears out loud.

She walks to the family room, and notices a body on the floor,
Hurry's over to where it is, looks at what once used to be a man;
Now nothing more then an empty shell;
She tries to shake him, and all she can say softly is a choked "Dad".

She says a little prayer over him, then moves on to the kitchen,
Tries to prepare herself for the next body of whom she knew it was for sure,
But how can you prepare yourself for something as bad as this;
She walks with her eyes unfocused, and drops to the body sobbing "Mother".

She now regrets not taking her time and killing him so quickly,
If she could go back she would make him suffer greatly.
He lays on her bedroom floor, slowly coming back to consciousness;
He is in great pain, but gets up cursing hastily.

"She will pay in a more slow way for this", he thought;
He finds the knife and walks silently though the house to where she is,
Finds her crying over her parents bodies,
Oblivious once again, to the danger that lies within.

The floor squeaks just then and she quickly jumps up;
He sees the anger and hate and the need for revenge in her eyes.
He expresses a slimy grin, and they circle around each other;
He says, "Finally a worthy opponent. To bad it will be you who dies."

She bites her tongue hard not giving in to his taunts,
She has got her second chance and this time he will beg for his demise.
As she circles to the table she grabbed the scissors that were lying there,
Now they are more evenly matched, "Prepare to die", she replies.

He comes at her, his murder weapon held in hand.
She leaps to his blind side, and lands on her hands and knees;
Takes her scissors and slices his leg, making him drop his knife as he cushions his land.
When he falls she takes her weapon, getting his fingers in place, she gives them a tight squeeze.

The sound of his pain makes her feel a bit better,
She is far from done though, he deserves so much more.
She grabs his nearly unconscious body and puts him in a chair,
Tapes him up with duct tape. It's time to settle this score.

She continues this torture act, for hours before she's through,
Then slits his throat slowly getting pleasure from the act;
Calls 911 and in minutes she hears the sirens,
She is beginning to doubt what she did, though its there in bloody fact.

The doorbell rings and she gathers her courage and lets them in;
She shakes and sobs loudly as the nights events start catching up,
The officers lead her to the table, to explain to them what happened;
She starts talking; as her throat wants to close down, someone hands her a cup.

She continues telling this disaster, and finally comes to an end;
The officers look at her with pity, silent approval, and their knowing look.
The coroner comes to carry the bodies away,
Wonders if they will eventually throw at her, the book.

Several years go by, and though she seems to have moved on;
The emptiness within her heart has never truly been eased.
Though now she has a husband, 2 kids, a dog, and a great life,
She senses something in the water, and wonders if her past is truly deceased.

(c)copyright 3/18/2006 Melia Teka

Back to the Beginning

Tears of Blood

Tears of blood fall from my eyes
I have no more clear tears anymore
I have cried so much and it wont stop
Seems nothing is left, don't know whats in store

Tears in the form of blood I have wept
Non stop for days, weeks, months I must admit
The sorrow in my heart, I have kept
I never seem to learn, but always seem to regret

Blood runs from my eyes as I write these words
Also runs from my wrists as I slit them angrily
Blood; the life, is leaving my body
A smile has crept upon my face so cynically

I watch the blood drip onto the floor
Its so warm and thick and it falls so free
I finally did it! what I wanted to do for so long!
I start turning cold and now I cant see

Blood still drips down, slower now then before
I am slipping away fast, I am so glad
My thoughts fade also, and everything is limp
Blood is the life, but death had been had!

Lissa
(c)1999

Back to the Beginning

Forest of Death

The dark forest continues to relentlessly beckon;
She tries to fight the dreaded needful pull;
Every time she walks past, with herself she reckons.
This time she walks to the forests edge, and the feeling nulls.
With trance like grace she enters into the black abyss;
With nothing and no one, she knows she won't be missed.
Doesn't notice all signs of life around her die.

She regains her senses but continues to walk forward.
As the trees engulf her, she hears a faint cry.
She looks behind her, but to the sound she moves toward.
Further she walks to what becomes a clearing in the trees.
She sits on a rock, not sure what to do;
A movement catches her eye, and she lets out a scream;
A second look and she laughs - it was just a raccoon.
With a sigh of relief, she silently begins to pray;
Turning forward a face stares directly back;
She scrambles off the rock; starts to crawl away.
When she looks again, no one is around, and everything goes black...

She awakens to voices, but no faces to be seen.
She gets up and tries to run, back in the direction she came;
Doesn't realize she's running deeper into the green.
Starts to panic, then a childlike voice calls her name.
Stops dead in her tracks with questions running through her mind;
Calls out to the trees, to stop playing this game.
Her brain screams to get out, but the child she must find.
Turns around to see something, anything, but the black of night covers all.
Panic mode sets in, all around her the voices cry out.
Flickers of light appear in the trees, she runs, then stumbles and falls.
What are they? Curiosity takes over, but her mind is in doubt.
Feels a pulling at her sleeve, she jumps and looks down.
A girl in a white old-fashioned dress and cloak looks up, with blue eyes.
Somethings not right, she can see through the girl in the gown.
The little girl smiles sadly and whispers - "I want to go home." then cries.
"Where do you live?" She asks, but deep down she knows;
The little girl takes her hand, and walks her to the burial mound.
"I live with my family here, buried deep in the ground."
The tears fall from her eyes, and tries not make a sound.
"Don't be sad for me, everyone will be happy that I was found."
She starts to fade, then disappears, leaving her all alone.
A rumbling in the ground brings a roar of anger;
She gathers her wits, runs; then hears a deafening groan.
Inside, her brain screams out 'danger, danger'.
Lightning strikes the trees, where she stands;
Burning branches form around her, a ring of fire;
She sees no where to escape from this pit of fiery hell;
The flames burn bright, and suddenly grow higher.
She starts to cough, and to the ground she fell.
She then tries to breath in quick mouthfuls of air;
Rather to pass out then feel the flames lick her skin.
Starts getting numb then blacks out as the flames kiss her hair.
Feels the pain she does, but can't wake from this nightmare.
Screams inside as her skin blisters, peels and burns.
Why won't the little girl help her, why doesn't she care?
Voice whispers in her head "who do you think brought the lightning to turn?"

(c) Melia Teka 6/10/08

Back to the Beginning

Cold Embrace

He comes to her at night in her sleep, sitting on the chair not making a sound;
Listening to her breathe and sigh; so at peace when the night is found.
She turns over and he holds his breath, knowing one day he will be caught;
He could easily alter her memories, but he would rather naught.
As the night wears on, and the morning comes near, he leaves as he came,
Only to continue watching the next night, and the following; every night the same.

She wakes up from an unfit rest, knowing he was in her room again,
Sitting there quietly; she does not know what to make of her silent friend.
She knows he means her no harm, and one day soon she will confront him.
He thought he cleared her memories of him, that first night; she woke on a whim,
But for some reason his powers have no control over her; thank the heavens for that.
She's been playing along for days, following the enthralled act.

That same night, he comes in as the mist, checking to make sure she is a sleep;
How he wishes he could make her his; but he can't and he silently weeps.
As he is not paying attention, she turns her lamp on stares him in the face;
He is by her side, as fast as the light, her memories he begins to erase.
The look she gives him, goes from annoyed to one of love, and he pauses;
God, if something should happen to her, it would be his hardest of losses.
"Just to let you know, your powers have not yet worked on me" she states.
He opens and closes his mouth not knowing what words to relate.

She tells him to sit down, and explain to her the reasons for what he does.
He still is in shock, and all he can say is, "because I know you mean me no harm, can't you just be honest with me?"
She looks deep into his eyes; this reaction could not have been foreseen.
Before he thinks, he tells her that he is not what she may think.
"Oh, so you're not the immortal man who saves me from the brink?"
He has never been so speechless in all his 700+ years,
This is not what he expected, for her to have no fears.
She puts her hand on the side of his face, and kisses him gently,
He gasps, but regains control and kisses her back passionately.
As they break a part, he takes a deep breath and tells her what she needs to know;
"You're the one I am destined for, as was fated long ago."
She wonders why he never let himself be known to her before;
As if reading her thoughts, "I was afraid you would hate me ever more."
"I would have hated you if you never entered my life and I would've been alone forever."
"Now we both never have to be alone." Now we can live, and love... together.."

(c) copyright 3/21/2006 Melia Teka

Back to the Beginning

Sorrow

Will you take this pain away?
The heartache, and struggles of everyday.
The constant pounding in my head,
The thoughts of becoming one with the dead.
My heart, just an empty shallow grave;
In this life, nothing more than a slave.
Will you give me the serenity and peace,
The kind that makes my sorrow cease?
How I long and need that fantastic release.
Will you bring a smile to my face?
Are you my angel that fell from grace?
Please save me from this cruel fate.
For loneliness has such a bitter taste.
I try to fight, another battle I have lost;
To love and be loved, a price worth any cost.
Will you be my knight; my savior; my king?
The one who slays my suffering?
I can't see while I'm drowning in my fears,
I can't breathe around these infinite tears.
Is there anyone out there to heed this call?
Or will the pain only stop, if I end it all?

(c) Melia Teka 1/14/08

Back to the Beginning

Fairytale

The girl dances in the sunlight
Her hair flies in the breeze
Her dress flutters around her
She thinks shes alone amongst the trees

He sits on his black horse
Hidden by the brush
He watches and waits for her
He loves her too much

She does not notice the danger
She doesn't sense his hunger
The innocence of her
Will put her six feel under

The dragon appears less than ten feet away
She screams a sharp high pitched scream
The knight on his horse rides with his sword ready
Just as in a fairy tale dream

She runs but cannot escape it
The dragon grins and the fire is hot
The knight is nearer and aims his sword
He cant let him hurt her, he just cannot

He plunges the sword in the dragons leg
The dragon, annoyed turns his head around
Sees this knight in shining armor
Thinking to hell he'll be bound

She runs in the thick wooded trees
He looses sight of her, but senses her fear
The dragon attacks, yet the knight is not scared
His concern is for the safety of the one he holds dear

The dragons fire escapes from his mouth
The knight screams and his armor grows hot
He gathers the strength to leap at the dragon
He stabs it again, giving it one last shot

The dragon cries out in pain
The blood runs onto his face
The knight stabs him again
The dragon slows his pace

The knight jumps on the dragons back
holding on for dear life
She watches on in horror
As the knight carries on the strife

She yells to the dragon and he turns slowly
The knight plunges the sword deep into his heart
He does it again and again
The dragon slows and twitches and death had start

The knight jumps off his back
and got on the ground
Runs over to her
She cant make a sound

She cried and throws her arms around him
She kisses him now
He kisses her back
His dreams have come true some how

He puts her on his horse
Takes her to his castle
The marriage takes place
With nothing to hassle

The unicorns drink from the pond
And frolic in the midst
They look into each others eyes
They said "I do" then they kissed.

(c) Lissa 2002

Back to the Beginning

Flames Flicker

As I lay here on my bed,
Watching the flames dance on the candles end,
Listening to my dark symphonic CD;
I wish you were here, holding me; protecting me.

To see your face in this candlelight,
Would make the bad things in my life, seem all right.
The flicker of the flames make everything seem beautiful;
How these flames bring mystery to what was once dull.

Staring into these flames as if in a trance;
Wishing to be the fair maiden, and you asking me to dance.
The ballroom so big, the music so soothing and loud;
The look in your eyes tell me so much without a sound.

I look outside into the bright face of the moon;
The night so perfect for romance, hoping it comes to me soon.
With this music and these candles,
Seems more then I can handle.

As I shake my head and comes back to reality,
Though this could happen soon, thinks with passionate feeling.
Things are in the air, there will soon be change;
For better or worse, that I can not explain.
If it gets worse, it will just stay the same,
Though if it gets better, my happiness won't stay contained.
Even if it's something small;
That is fine, I'm not asking for it all.
Just a cozy life with you by my side;
From this day forward until the end of time

(c) 11/20/05 Melia Teka

Back to the Beginning

Black Rose

Looking at my black roses sitting upon my crimson dresser,
I feel a pang deep within the walls of my heart;
How most see the black rose as evil and poisoned,
But in a darkened room can you still tell them apart?

Does not the red rose have thorns which tear as well?
The petals of the black rose, are they not as soft and velvety?
Their physical appearance, to you might not be as appealing,
But to me, they are known as dark beauty.

They look depressing, I will admit,
But it's that darkness that draws me in,
Every time I look at those roses, they seems to tell a sad story,
Of longing; death; loneliness. Just a few things I imagine.

To me, the black velvet petals hold secrets and mystery;
But to pluck them away it would mean its early death.
Do I want to know the secrets, or stare at its endless beauty?
I choose the latter, while imagining the secrets in their depth.

I breathe in their scent, knowing how shortly it will fade.
Try to store it in memory, to savor it for a bad day.
I could never get tired of admiring their grace,
Even when it's time, and they begin to die, their beauty never completely fades away.

(c) copyright 4/11/06 Melia Teka

Back to the Beginning

I Tried

I tried.....
I tried to make myself hate you,
But it seemed like something I just couldn't do.
I tried to make myself only like you as a friend,
But it seemed like it wasn't possible, in the end.
The things I've longed to hear from you, were said that night,
But you were drunk - drinking away the pain and the fright.
The hurt I felt knowing you could then only tell me those things,
Was something that felt worse then a thousand hornet stings.
When I asked you in the morning if you regretted saying what you did,
You ignored me, and changed the subject - it's like you hid.
But the answer was loud and clear and made me die inside;
I didn't know what would've been worse, being ignored, or if you lied.
I tried to be strong until then, keeping quiet, thinking I had learned;
But that night when you cried on my shoulder, the love returned.
Turning on full force, leaving nothing but third degree burns.
You asked me why I think you're so special.
My heart chooses the one, then I can't help but fall.
If I write a list, will this then make you see?
Here are some of the reasons, you mean so much to me...
You have a BIG heart - always giving, never taking.
You have been through so much - I want to cease the strife and graving.
The way you feel inside - I see, through the words you tell,
The romantic that you are, is one of the reasons I fell.
The way you made love to me, was more amazing then expected.
In which I say, this art, you have completely perfected.
You are a great man though you would never say it,
But I think I know you - and to that you would never admit.
There are tons of little things you do, way I know you care.
How the fates can be so cruel; this is just not fair.
I know you have else where to be, that you are going to move,
You asked me how I felt about it, I couldn't tell the whole truth.
But if it's what makes you happy - then I will never say.
I'll just support you decision - while my heart's withering away.
You tell me that you're scared, but you really want to go;
If you're scared, stay here, but you'd regret it so.
I do not want you to hate me, I know I couldn't deal.
I'm fighting these walls to go up - so again I can not feel.
You know I'd give to you everything I am, every inch of my being;
I would do everything in my power to keep you from leaving.
If things do not work for you, where you are going,
You can always come to me no matter how far ahead, knowing
I'll never stop loving you, you never have to feel alone.
Just remember when we were together, and my love for you was shone.
If you this poem, I hope you don't feel a guilt trip.
That is not how I intended this poem to grip.
I just wanted to tell you that I have tried, but I am so weak.
I hate feeling this way, so humble, so meek.
I will end now by asking - 'Has anyone died from being broken hearted?'
Because I feel I am being torn apart, and the dying has started.

(c) 8-23-05 Melia Teka

Back to the Beginning

Fall

Fall is my favorite season of the year.
The air is cool, crisp, clean, and clear.
The leaves change to golds, yellows, oranges, and reds;
Everything is getting ready to sleep, getting ready for the year ahead.
The sun doesn't seem so harsh, nor so bright.
It's the season that brings Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas lights.
Perfect weather for holding you close to me,
To keep each other warm by snuggling deep.
The thunderstorms that are plentily;
Being in your arms when lightning strikes; to me - heavenly.
In October it's so much fun carving out pumpkin faces;
Putting up decorations, and cobwebs in many different places.
Listening to scary sounds, and telling ghost stories,
Brings many smiles to my face, especially if outside, it's pouring.
The smells of Fall are of my favorites too,
Of leaves burning, and also of burning wood.
So many festivals, in this town where I live;
From the autumn festival, to the Scarecrow and Pumpkin.
Drinking warm cider, eating caramel apples and candy corn;
Having a genuine good time, not the usual me feeling forlorn.
Next we have Thanksgiving, which is nice, tho not like Halloween.
Time for family get togethers; in my case, just a few are left to be seen.
The next morning waking up to watch parades, and lounge around;
Watch the lighting of Chicago's Xmas Tree and Magnificent Mile, downtown.
Then thinking of new ways to decorate my room,
By putting Santa hats on my dragons, wizards, and unicorns too.
The stress and financial burdens of buying gifts for everyone,
To shop for the same people over the years that have come and gone.
First snow, so white, and pure, beautifully laying on roofs and trees,
Makes for some great photography.
Yes, Fall is definitely my favorite season;
Think I gave you several good reasons.
I sit here reminiscing of the Fall's past.
And it's finally here again... again at long last.

(c) 9/28/05 Melia Teka

Back to the Beginning

Constant Ache

My heart aches as I see happy couples walk by
I yearn for someone to come, but one comes, I wonder y
Am I so ugly? Am I trying to hard? What should I do
I let no one know about this treacherous loneliness that engulfs my soul, heart and mind too
I long to feel, touch and kiss the one I grow so fond of
At night when I sleep, I dream about being someone else, I pray for someone to answer my prayers from above
To have what is called a true, everlasting love
Each day I wake, go to work and hope for someone
Each night I cry, knowing I still have no on
My only escape from this nightmare I have, is to hope, dream and write
Hoping for morning I wake up and not think of a lonely night
I'm not asking for passion or lust, but just holding someone tight
Knowing I can tell him my most secret desires, to my most riveting nightmare
To laugh with when I'm happy, or run to when I'm hurt or scared
I put up a facade of acting to tough, where I don't need anyone or anything
But deep down its killing me, eating away at me, like a drug used constantly
How the thought of razor+wrist=such relief of my misery
There is no getting passed what would probably be burning for all eternity
I do not think what I ask is a lot
Since love is divine, and human am I not?
When I write these words I feel something give
How for another day I want to live
If anyone ever got into my head to read my thoughts
Would they laugh? go mad? or pity my distraught
I shall sleep now and dream of him, my soul mate, love and friend
And pray, hope and wish everything turns out right in the end

(c) Melia Teka 1998

Back to the Beginning

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry i am not who you wanted me to be.
I'm sorry I hide myself so you can't see.
I'm sorry I brought nothing but misery.
I'm sorry I never did what you wanted of me.

If I knew then what I know now would I've been the same?
If I knew how I'd turn out, the lack of what I became.
If I knew how it would eat at you; I hang my head in shame.
If I knew how to go back, if I changed, would there be blame?

When did everything start to go so wrong?
How did it go on intensely for so long?
Was I so blind, endlessly rolling along?
Will you hide your pain, it must be so strong.

If I were to die, would you truly be sad?
If I were to die, would you no longer be mad?
If I were to die, would you secretly be glad?
If I were to die, would it really be so bad?

I'm sorry when I was born that day.
I'm sorry nothing will ever be okay.
I'm sorry for the pain I brought your way.
I'm sorry... I have nothing more to say...

(c) LissaTeka 11/7/08

Back to the Beginning

Lost

the tears threaten to fall from my eyes
i have to be strong, only the weak cry.
Everyone leaves, no one ever stays.
The hurt SHOULD lessen day after day.
It never does, I walk around in a haze.
The sadness engulfs my very soul
Easier to be alone, no one at all.
At times like this it hurts so much
generally i like the quiet, and such
but I am just scared. Scared to die alone
Scared to let my heart be shone.
Conflicted and scared, can't trust none.
One after another, I quit; I'm done.
I want to trust, I want to be loved and to love,
but the fear out wins in droves.
I am a pathetic waste of space
I wish I was normal, not a mental case.
I wish I could love without driving them away
I am afraid of being left alone, though i like it that way.
So many contradictions, wish I could stop thinking
Everyday I go on, the hope continues sinking.
There are days I want nothing but the end
Lately more often then not, I wish I were dead.

10/23/09 (c) lissateka

Back to the Beginning

Of You, I Wonder

Thinking back of the time we spent together,
Remembering how you said 'we'd be friends forever'.
Haven't talked to you in quite a few years;
Wonder if you've forgotten me; a compelling fear.
I sit here smiling, thinking of everything we did
Of all the trouble, you got me in.
I never regretted one moment of any of it,
Except for that last time I saw you and told you to leave.
Deep down I know you had to, but to this day I still grieve.
Have you found your true love, settled down to raise a family?
Or are you the same as before, and only pretending to live happily?
Also wonder about your son, he must be almost a teen by now.
Amazing; time, the older you get the quicker it goes, always wondered how.
You were the only one who I felt I could talk to.
Never felt that way again since you.
I miss you so much, the way you talked and treated me.
To know you always acted "real" not just how I wished you to be.
With all your faults, actions, tears, and emotions.
I believe at that time you really loved me; my own silly notion.
Just know I am am thinking of you, I will always care,
I will always love you, yours forever; "Lissa Bear".

(c) 7/6/07 Lissa Teka

Back to the Beginning

Un.....

These thought I must get off my chest;
So then maybe my mind can get some rest.
I know you love me; or at least I think you do,
If you should stumble across these words, please don't let them be misunderstood.
There are times though, I would give anything for some reassuring words from you.
That you still love me, care for me, need to be with me,
Because right now I feel unloved, uncared for, unneeded; you see.
I know you have your own life, you do your own thing,
But I miss the way we used to talk, in the beginning.
I am not trying to put you on the spot here,
But losing you is something I am starting to hear.
I don't want you to defend your actions, or give any explanation.
Just some words of comfort would bring me to elation.
Why do things always start off so good?
Why can't things stay the same? I don't see why not they could.
I don't think I have changed, I still want to talk of our future, and of love;
I try to make you feel special, like you were sent from above.
Whenever you want to talk, I jump into the occasion,
But when I want to talk you're always busy so I keep it bottled up (that's where these words came from.)
I am not saying these words to make you become defensive;
I am not saying these words on the offensive.
Am I being too needy? Am I pushing you to stray?
Or is your growing distance, the cause of my 'needy' ways?
Why are the walls on the brink of going up?
I am fighting to keep them down, but I can only do so much.
So many vicious circles I am thinking about;
That might push you away, when you feel my doubt.
So much more to say, but I can't find the words;
I can't focus on anything, my thoughts are one big blur.
I'm just touching slightly on how I feel.
Writing these words helped, since it seems, is my only way to deal.
Note: this poem isn't to make anyone feel bad.
It's a 'frustration coping mechanism' when I get hurt, or sad.
"Giving up" is a term that's too strong to use yet.
Here's hoping you won't add to my ever growing list of regrets.....

(c) copyright 1-12-06 Melia Teka

Back to the Beginning

Completely

Should I completely lower all the walls around my heart?
Looking back on the past, that would not seem too smart.
I'll be honest, I am very scared, and with this comes a fear.
But you tell me things, things that I have longed to hear.
My love for you is so deep, true, and sincere.
My soul is no longer restless since you have been near.
It seems my prayers have finally been answered.
They have given you to me; it's like they have heard.

You are so amazing, your light so blinding;
My other half; my bright knight shining.
By writing these words am I jinxing what I have found?
Or is our love so complete nothing can bring it down?
When I hear that you love me, my heart races in gladness.
When I hear that you treasure me, my soul loses its' sadness.
When you talk of our future together, I've a smile on my face.
When you tell me secrets, I sense the trust, more then a trace.
These things and so much more, to me you have shown.
I feel something deep inside, something I have never known.
I completely feel complete with you by my side.
I hope this poem shows you what I have implied.
I devote myself fully to bring you happiness and love,
To be your dark angel from the heavens above.
When I hear your voice, so soothing and pleasant,
I thank the Fates for bringing to me, this present.
From day one it is though we connected on a deeper level.
This feeling I have - feeling so alive, in it I revel.
There is this little nagging part deep within my brain.
Telling me to be careful, or I will get hurt once again.
I am not listening; I am not going to hold back,
I'll give you my all; everything you need, nothing will lack.
I love you so much, and I believe you are the one;
I've finally reached the end of the tunnel, and now see the sun.
I sit here looking 35 years ahead, and not surprised to see;
Us looking deep into each others eyes, still in love - completely.

(c) copyright 9-2-05 Melia Teka

Back to the Beginning

Ideally

You say it might be of an ideal
But reading what you wrote is exactly how I feel.
Knowing that you doubted my heart felt words
When I said I love you, and with you I want to move forward.

Ideally, you would "feel" that I would never hurt you
Ideally, you would hear that what I tell you is true
Ideally, you would see I would give you all that I am made of
Ideally, you would taste the sincerity of my love.

I feel I am intruding on your very life
I know you don't feel the same love, and it causes much strife
Of the future, with you, I would be happy, not sinking
I know if you read this, you will probably be thinking....

Ideally, I would feel a "vibe" and leave you alone
Ideally, I would hear the emptiness when we talk on the phone
Ideally, I would see that you do not care for me
Ideally, I would taste the bitterness like salt water from the sea

If the above words hurt you, or hit you like shards of glass
Know at time, I am scared of your feelings, any that come to pass
I try to think happy thoughts, but I have developed a way
A way to bring myself down, but this is what I would like to say

Ideally, we would feel the love and devotion for each other
Ideally, we would hear the truth in our hearts of one another
Ideally, we would see into each others souls
Ideally, we would taste one anothers life, which would be void of holes
Ideally, our love would pass the the test of time
Ideally, our love would be true - yours and mine.

(c) copyright 8/4/05 Melia Teka

Back to the Beginning

I Hate You

I thought that if I saw you coming ‘round again I would be glad,
But when I saw that your back, I even skipped over sad, and went to down right mad.
The way you played with my mind, is something I can never forgive,
No hope of hearing me say, ‘I forgive and forget’, as long as you live.
Not that it would matter to you, because obviously EVERYTHING you said were lies,
Did you even think of me when you didn’t have the decency to say goodbye?
Those months I spent doing all I could in the situation I was in to make you feel special,
Was something I really thought you appreciated, because you said so yourself.
Nothing more then another liar, who could care less about anyone but you,
It’s funny how in my poem called “Liar” I foresaw how again I would get screwed.
Godsmack explains it best in their song coincidentally called “I F***ing Hate You”
ALL people are the same, don’t waste your breath with excuses telling me your not,
Nothing you say could ever make me “feel” again. Won’t be happy ‘til you burn and rot.
Those nights I lay in bed trying to grasp onto hope,
Was nothing more then me grasping a slippery rope.
The tears that I shed for you wouldn’t stop until I fell asleep,
Only to wake up again shortly there after with tear stained cheeks.
Time will not heal all wounds, when they build up so quickly over the years
I am sorry if this poem is too harsh, but you brought true my worst fear.
May what you did to me come back to you ten fold,
And never will be able to ease the inner cold.
I never thought I could hate someone as fully as I hate you,
But if the shoe was on the other foot, what would you do?
What kind of man is so chicken that his way out, is that of hiding?
Whatever type of man (ha) you are, you are not one worth anyone finding..

(c) copyright 3/22/06 Melia Teka

Back to the Beginning

I Quit

I'm done, i'm through,
it is over with you.
Don't act surprised, you knew who
was on my mind.
All the times that you lied.
The truth I denied but then realized
what you are, far from the marred, scarred, and
broken man.
I can not stand the act, or the touch of your hand.
Behind closed doors, you act nice like before,
knowing what would be in store.
A good man is a myth, nothing more than a lore.
The grief that you dealt,
was felt, like the whip of a belt.

I quit being hit with this s*it,
that gets whipped back to me, like it did in the past.
I knew it was too good to last.
It started too strong, too fast.
I quit being the one that gets hurt and stepped on,
who gets shunned, from the one, whom she loved so much.
The walls go up again, until the end of the mend
that I must go to tend. Til then I depend on the hardened
front that was put up to shut out the emotions,
that hit like the tides of the ocean.
The motions so strong
The notions so wrong.
It was gone, not too long, after
it begun, like a song. And again I'm no one.

*****NOTE: This poem style is completely different from they way I usually write. Please leave feedback to tell me what you think.. I tried. I probably will go back to my other style of writing, unless feedback tells me otherwise. I am sure no one cares either way, but I felt like disclaiming, so deal with it and move on!!! Thank you ahead of time.*****

(c) copyright 8/10/05 Melia Teka

Back to the Beginning

I Quit (alternate ending)

I'm done, i'm through,
it is over with you.
Don't act surprised, you knew who
was on my mind.
All the times that you lied.
The truth I denied but then realized
what you are, far from the marred, scarred, and
broken man.
I can not stand the act, or the touch of your hand.
Behind closed doors, you act nice like before,
knowing what would be in store.
A good man is a myth, nothing more than a lore.
The grief that you dealt,
was felt, like the whip of a belt.

I quit being hit with this s*it,
that gets whipped back to me, like it did in the past.
I knew it was too good to last.
It started too strong, too fast.

I quit being the one that gets hurt and stepped on,
who gets shunned, from the one, whom she loved so much.
You might think these sinking feelings are meaningless,
but see that these words are full of hurtful reasoning.
The tears that were shed,
the fears in my head was fed with regret, yet
my love for you was never dead.
The words that were said upon the end,
was a defense I turn to when
I get hurt and upset.
I will never forgive you,
or tend to forget you.
What if the shoe
was on the other foot?
What would you do?
The old wounds, reopened, now in full bloom.
Again, I ask, What would you do?
Yes, these words of doom and gloom, but you
gave me no room to move.
The words you told me, I now throw back to you.
They are long overdue.
I am sure when you read this you might have a clue,
but if not, the line is "F**k it.... f**k them, and f**k you.

(c) copyright 8/12/05 Melia Teka

Back to the Beginning

Liar

Why do people insist on lying to me?
I always find out, but you think I don't see.
If we are such good friends, is it so hard to act like it?
I find out that what you tell them and me is nothing more than sh*t.
If I sound angry, maybe it's because I am.
I thought you were a real friend; one that gave a d*mn.
Everyone is only out for themselves.
I learned that long ago, but tried again, was only fooling myself.
You tell me to trust you with my deepest secrets.
I am glad I never did, I would have another regret.
I never said I wanted to be such good friends;
It was you idea; why say it, if you're going to lie in the end.
I'll keep what I found out, quietly in my brain,
Waiting for the day I snap, from bearing too much pain.
Til then, I'll smile, talk to you, act like it's all OK.
But hey, I can lie as good as you; you'll find out one day.
I am so truthful and loyal, until your lies I find out.
That's when I start my lying bout.
Why must people provoke me, is there an invisible sign?
One that says "Lie to her, she enjoys it" in bright letters over her eyes.
Has there been anyone who hasn't lied?
I try thinking of one, but can't, and sitting here I sigh.
I have been told lies in one form or another -
By parents and "friends, by associates and lovers.
Why do I try when it's only me who looks out for my well being.
I can only depend on me is what I am clearly seeing.
In a way I am not really all that surprised.
You like to fit your needs, when something better has arrived.
Should I give up? Or is there really a light at the end of the tunnel?
Cause right now my head is spinning as if it were in a funnel.
If you read this, does this poem hit home?
Are you one of those who know me, and your true colors have shone?
I am sure one person may think it's only about him,
But it's not - there is one person who hasn't lied to me yet.
That is only because we have just met!

(c) copyright 8/31/05 Melia Teka

Back to the Beginning

Beneath the Surface part 1

On the outside she shows happiness and laughter
Beneath the surface she feels as crazy as the Mad Hatter.
The reality she lives, is not the one she wants
She dreams of more, but for her, those dreams just haunt.
She cries out for help, mentally and emotionally
Is there anyone out there who can help her wholly?
She wants an anchor to hold her, yet she wants to fly.
Most people see her as the strong, hardened type
Very few see her true anguish and scars
Beneath the surface her heart is tarnished and marred.
She longs for the one who will love her as she has loved,
To encompass her wholly, like a hand that is gloved.
She used to hurt herself just so she could feel
With razors, scissors, anything sharp when she couldn't deal
For so long she tucked that pain deep down, or so she thought
But it was just beneath the surface, ready to snap if pulled to taut.
She hasn't felt so alone in years because of the front she has put up,
Though now she's tired of it all, she knows she's close to giving up, that she's had enough.
For so long she has been there for her people
But do they care as she? No - that, she doesn't doubt at all
She is in the prime of her life, she should feel whole
The nagging of her heart, she tries to ignore, and continues to roll
There is so much more she wants to say
About how her life growing up was been full of crap and dismay.
Sure, she was loved and got whatever she asked for
But there are dark things in her past, and so much more
Beneath the surface, there is a whole different person to see
Oh, and if you haven't guess, she, in this poem, is actually me.

(c) copyright 8/7/05 by Melia Teka

Back to the Beginning

Realization

encompassing wretchedness
anger, hurt, death
internal.
perpetual abandonment
sorrow, grief, death
eternal.
melancholic desolation
hollow, void, death
infernal.
undiminished abhorrence
despise, loathed, death
nocturnal
hideously malevolent
horrid, dank, death
external

(c) 1/29/08 lissateka

Back to the Beginning

Black Rose

Looking at my black roses sitting upon my crimson dresser,
I feel a pang deep within the walls of my heart;
How most see the black rose as evil and poisoned,
But in a darkened room can you still tell them apart?

Does not the red rose have thorns which tear as well?
The petals of the black rose, are they not as soft and velvety?
Their physical appearance, to you might not be as appealing,
But to me, they are known as dark beauty.

They look depressing, I will admit,
But it’s that darkness that draws me in,
Every time I look at those roses, they seems to tell a sad story,
Of longing; death; loneliness…. Just a few things I imagine.

To me, the black velvet petals hold secrets and mystery;
But to pluck them away it would mean its early death.
Do I want to know the secrets, or stare at its endless beauty?
I choose the latter, while imagining the secrets in their depth.

I breathe in their scent, knowing how shortly it will fade.
Try to store it in memory, to savor it for a bad day.
I could never get tired of admiring their grace,
Even when it’s time, and they begin to die, their beauty never completely fades away.

© copyright 4/11/06 Melia Teka

Back to the Beginning

Which Way

The never ending tears I have cried,
Did you tell the truth, or had you lied
Every night the pain crushes me inside.
Why did I fall so hard; feels like I've died.
Why won't I ever learn to just run and hide
Seemed to be going on quite a smooth ride.
To words I said, toward the end, had not replied.
Knew I would disappoint you, though, to not, I tried.
The tears never have stopped, never have dried.
So often the memories bring the pain outside.
Walls go up around my heart, only to divide.
To misery, and loneliness I am your bride.
To this love; away I should have shied.
Into your world I am sorry I had pried.
The never ending tears I have cried
The never ending smile I befriend.
Hear the words, my heart did mend.
Pain is gone, no more need to pretend.
I fell so hard, loneliness brought to an end.
The way you loved me, I can only commend.
The non-stop laughter & joy that you did send.
Complete is how I feel with you, my love my friend.
The feeling of euphoria, makes me alive; now to ascend.
When thinking of you, all the time that I do spend.
To your heart I have burrowed and I have wend.
To be in your arms once more, I will defend.
To heal your wounds, I am happy to tend.
My love is real, and I will never offend.
I love you forever, never to descend.
The never ending smile I befriend.

(c) Melia Teka 6/8/08
Back to the Beginning

The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory