Profile for DireConsequences
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DireConsequences
Premiere Sire
I'm so human. =[
Set at 02:39 on May 04 2012
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WHAT DIRECONSEQUENCES IS DOING
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01:00 Jan 01 - DireConsequences was browsing Member Pages.
01:00 Jan 01 - DireConsequences was browsing Member Pages.
01:00 Jan 01 - DireConsequences was looking at what other people were doing.
01:00 Jan 01 - DireConsequences was reading the Kismet page.
01:00 Jan 01 - DireConsequences was in Journals.
01:00 Jan 01 - DireConsequences was writing in their Journal.
01:00 Jan 01 - DireConsequences was in Journals.
01:00 Jan 01 - DireConsequences was doing something Mysterious.
01:00 Jan 01 - DireConsequences was watching VR Webcams.
01:00 Jan 01 - DireConsequences was doing something Mysterious.
01:00 Jan 01 - DireConsequences was doing something Mysterious.
01:00 Jan 01 - DireConsequences was doing something Mysterious.
01:00 Jan 01 - DireConsequences was doing something Mysterious.
01:00 Jan 01 - DireConsequences was doing something Mysterious.
01:00 Jan 01 - DireConsequences was looking at their Profile.
01:00 Jan 01 - DireConsequences was doing something Mysterious.
01:00 Jan 01 - DireConsequences was on the homepage.
01:00 Jan 01 - DireConsequences was in Journals.
01:00 Jan 01 - DireConsequences was in Journals.
01:00 Jan 01 - DireConsequences was in Journals.
01:00 Jan 01 - DireConsequences was in Journals.
01:00 Jan 01 - DireConsequences was in Journals.
01:00 Jan 01 - DireConsequences was in Journals.
01:00 Jan 01 - DireConsequences was in the Message Center.
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Quote: Fear can be conquered but pain never dies... You may believe it does but it lives in the eyes...
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* I know my images are not up at this time. I couldn't afford my premium to continue at the time and so I lost my images. I plan on getting them back up when I find my thumb drives. =) *
Hello. My name's Tiffany.
I'm usually a wreck when I work on my profile text because it means more to me that way. It also shows who I really am without any kind of mask. So this will be getting updated and it will get emotional. I want to make sure I warn you!
I'm a stay-at-home mother of one little determined girl. She's the reason why I try to make the best decisions I can in my life. I can't believe she's already over two years old but I'm glad she's getting older. I think the best thing is watching her develop her own personality and how curious she is about everything!
Honestly, I still feel like a child myself. There are days I feel like I cannot handle the responsibility of taking care of my wee one. Those are the days I wish I could have a break somehow. Those are also the days I have thoughts almost every mother has concerning motherhood:
◊ Was I ready for this?
◊ Should I have waited longer?!
◊ I'm a horrible mother!
◊ I can't do anything right for my child!
◊ I need help!
◊ I can't handle this anymore!
The thoughts listed about usually don't last long with me. I love looking at my child, seeing her smile and hearing her laugh. But it's not priceless like most say. In my opinion, it comes at a personal price, not a material one.
I guess there's more the tell about me. I'm insecure. I'm curvy but most times I like it. I could never see myself as being skinny. All I want to get down to weight wise is 160-170 pounds. That's almost one hundred pounds for me to lose though.
It gets to me because right before I got pregnant, I weighed 172-175 pounds. It's the least amount I've weighed in a long while. I've always been bigger since my father almost died Christmas day in '96. I became attached to emotionally eating. I battle with it even now. I don't binge eat anymore though and I'm glad about that!
I've created a portfolio on here. It's to remind me that I am pretty. I'm not that fat. I'm not ugly. And it's to help me out. It's not for anyone else but for me and in my opinion, that's how it should be!
I feel sexy at times. I love feeling that way. It's addicting to feel wanted and beautiful. It can also be taken for granted if you don't watch out.
I'm rather addicted to sex and sexual things. My therapist says it my reaction to what has happened to me in the past. I don't care to go too much into my past though. I still have nightmares and I still can't cope with it at all. I'm open about my sexuality though.
As for my past, I hate that it rules me and I cannot cope with it. I have flashbacks during the most inconvenient times. I talk about it once in a while but other then that, I usually lock it up inside.
There's a recent procedure that's still being tested and studied but it involves selective memory lost, well deletion. I've often thought about taking part in it once it's approved by the government studying it. Could you imagine picking which memories you want to actually have locked inside your mind?
I would be willing to risk forgetting everything just to forget about a year and a half of pain.
I don't feel like I "fit in" anywhere but most people feel like that in their lives. I'm the black sheep of my family or should I say the white sheep. Everyone else has been involved in drugs, alcohol and crime in some way or another. The worse thing I did when in high school was shop lifting. I stopped when one of my best friends at the time got caught and almost got prosecuted by K-Mart.
Although I don't fit in with my family, I still love them. There's only one family like them and if I ever need help, they will probably be there before my friends or anyone else.
I will be the first to admit that I'm ashamed of some of the things I've found out they have done. There are horror stories. Even the way my mom and dad met had violence, betrayal, and a hot cup of tea in it! My family is definitely unique but then again everyone has their own stories!
You want to know who protects me and watches over me, it's my family!
I never like asking for help although right now I feel as though I'm being forced to do so. I've been regretting my move from Nashville, TN back to the area I grew up around for a while now. It feels like I've screwed my own life and my fiancee's life up and I hold the guilt. We're on the rocks because of the struggling we've done since the move.
There were things said to convince me to come back home. We thought we would get help from my immediate family. It turned out not to be the truth or even close to it.
False hope is what I like to call what I feel.
The hope of a better life and everything to work out as planned. That's never really happened for me other then meeting Brett and starting my life with him.
I feel like I'm trapped within my thoughts on most days and the sad thing is I probably am. I just exist anymore trying to find my way out of the maze I've gotten myself into.
I wonder if old friends will forgive me, if my family will still love me, and if I will be able to look at myself in the mirror at the beginning of every day.
One day I will escape to the life I want...
One day
I've been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder in the past year. Honestly, I have problems talking to people whether it be face to face, on the phone, or over the internet. If I disappear on you in the middle of our conversation, it's because of my anxiety or something else has happened. I apologize in advanced.
But my anxiety has been linked to my past. It seems like every day of my life since then has been coping. I struggle with it every day and hate falling asleep at night just to be reminded.
Lately, my anxiety has gotten a little bit better. I want to "get over it" as much as I can. I want to heal from the damage done. I'm tired of being scared to leave my own apartment.
I want to feel free!
Thank you for stopping by.
:-)
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Profile Created: Nov 10 2005
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Last on: May 17 2012 at 05:33 BST
Times Viewed: 35357
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| Times Rated: | 2346 | | Rating: | 9.87 |
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01:39:03
May 17 2012
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01:17:47
May 17 2012
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03:20:14
May 16 2012
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