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Man, the heat in this sunny island is absolutely sweltering!

And I was dressed in all-black, to boot.

I swear I never learn from life's lessons...

Ugh.

I just returned from the hospital, for an injection. I truly am not desiring a long life, so, I don't mind the meds. The meds help keep my insanity in-check.

I think I'll go do something creative. I crave to be in a music studio, just cooping up with musicians.

Spotify is a life-saver, tbh.

Because, half the time, I am suicidal.

What the fuck.

There has got to be more to life than this, right.

Battling a mental disorder/illness is an uphill task. I've been grappling with this issue my whole life... I just didn't realise it.

There is a war in my head.

There is a battle in my soul.

It gets really dark inside.

It's like every other patient is totally fine with their lives...

Then, there is me.

I need to be touched.

I crave love.

I yearn for kisses.

No one gives a fuck, these days.

I am taking a break from conjuring tea magick... I really don't wish to become all sick and tired of it; thus, the need for a break.

Been drinking copious amounts of coffee, though. I've been drinking in the caffeine, black with a little bit honey, just to alleviate the bitterness of the coffee powder.

Man, I hate sugar.

Coffee Magick, anyone?

I bet there is something on this in Witchcraft.

For some odd reason, I have been feeling compelled to take more selfies these last couple of days, than I have, previously.

VR is the only Gothic Vampire Dark social website that I know of and the only social media vampire platform I actually use.

Plus, it is still kinda active too.

So, fuck it, right?

I'm horrible at making money out of anything... Therefore, I only go online to stay in touch with the rest of the brethren, and to entertain myself.

So, yeah... Thus, the excruciatingly painful selfies.

Lol.

My existing mental health issues have rendered me unable to hold a normal, steady job, like the rest of the city's population.

I am slowly emerging from a full-blown combat, ride or die, mode.

It is tough, this emergence.

It feels as though my reality is bending itself backwards, just to be able to handle all these turmoil.

My brain hurts.

Ugh.

My Kismet is still suspended.

Why, Admins of Rave? Why?

I'll be good, I promise.

Oh, man.

I have always been bullied, as far as my memory takes me.

Even now, at the age of thirty-six, I am constantly bullied, equally, by both man and woman; man, sexually, and woman, by isolation.

If you're wondering why I put up with this bad treatment, you're not alone.

Beats me, tbh.

Men despise me.

I don't know what is it that I have done, that is so insulting to them.

Honour killings do happen, ya know.

I went to purchase some self-care and make-up products last afternoon. It's been some time, really.

Oh, wow.

Now, these days, just to not become complacent, I have drugstore make-up on my face.

Every. Single. Day.

All dressed up and nowhere to go.

What is a woman's life without some cute dudes, eh.

Dead Inside.

I'll always fall short of societal standards. Oh, yes, and all the bullying, of course.

Reminds me of a Karliene song called, "Dancing On My Own".

I don't mind, really.

I have always been dancing on my own.

I just miss the folks on Rave who held a deep hatred for this world. Yeah, I miss the gang-bashers online.

We were on the same side... but, then, they all disappeared after a while.

So, I am left Dancing On My Own..

Roommates constantly bullying.

What can I say...

Sucks to be me, I guess.

As I age, alone, life just seems too painful to bear for myself. I have all but lost touch with my family, as I just don't feel accepted.

I am an awkward being.

Tormented, too, at that.

The man I want does not seem interested. Yeah, we exchanged numbers, and texted for a day or so. Then, poof. He began ignoring me, giving me the cold shoulder, till today.

I bumped into him outside the elevator, downstairs, and he just ignored me. I had to make deep eye-contact with him, for his attention.

Am I an aggressive woman?

Well, yes. Life has made me to be like this.

I really like him, though. I have, for a couple of months now...

I am so dead inside.

Each day, I feel my life sucked out of me.

And I have to handle it all.

Well, pardon me for being so whiny. I have stopped listening to advice from others.

You don't know my life, so why chatter nonsensically about it???!!!

I think I love this man.

*heartbreaks*

You ever went, "What the?" when going through your own writing, wondering what was possessing you at that time?

Yeah. My BoS is so intense that I might just expire from its maniacal depths.

My mind has a mind of its own, really.

The Dragon roams freely inside, up there.

Ah, fuck it.

I have developed a phobia of backward humans.

I must be living under a rock, occasionally peeking out, just enough to stay relevant.

My earlobes are stretched to a 10mm, technically; but, sometimes, it can be stretched up to a 12mm.

I never got the whole fraction thingie.

I placed an order for some very affordable ear plugs at 12mm. They should be arriving anytime soon, from the tracking number the seller had provided me with.

I just don't see the point of getting expensive stuff for my ears as jewellery, because one day or another, I am going to stretch my ears once again!

Taping is a method. Or using ear weights.

But.

I am an Indian woman. Ear weights are a no-no, for me. That'll just make me look too typical and primitive, really.

Tried taping, but it hurt so bad.

I guess I will have to stretch it manually and with transitory ear plugs.

I'm thinking a 12mm would be able to slot in, with minimal force.

Oh well.

If anyone knows how else to stretch the ears, please holler.

Peace.

I think my final demise is at hand.

I have been going on Shadow Work unconsciously.

Memories flooding my heart and mind.

I wish I were back at that era.

Nothing beats the 90's, man.

Nuthin'.

Look here, people of the Rave. I have got news for you.

Or at least a warning.

I am just a small-town vampire, lost in her own world. Those inhabitants were all I have ever known.

Then, I grew up.

Now, everyone's on my back, torturing me.

Literally.

Like, why can't a heterosexual couple of opposite gender enjoy sex or love-making?

With the right man, of course, as to me, I prefer the sentiment of love-making to the primal sex.

We, Ravers, are adults, aren't we?

Yeah, crucify me for calling fucking, *love-making*.

Why is my life so fucked up.

It's a rhetorical question, so you can keep your wise-ass cracks to yourselves.

I'm so sick of people who render all my accomplishments null and void.

Dammit, man, I used to be a someone a couple of decades ago.

Never the has-been, I must add.

My swagger can still beat some of y'all.

They just build you up only to tear you down.

This is a timeless piece of expression.

They just hatin' on me so bad.

Fuck you all, dipshits.

You know I'm sad when I begin to use the VR Journal as a text-messaging system.

All I'm asking is just for one man who'd be my entire world.

Fuck it.

Seems like I am back in the good graces of the Rave.

I am back at level 84!

Not expecting much with the recent fluctuations of my Rave Levels.

A Charmer! Who'd have thought, eh.

Now, i know that my writing is crappy.

On FB, some years ago, Michelle Belanger, had posted a notification about a curated Vampires: In Their Own words 2, which was supposed to be published sometime this year.

So, I sent it all of my writing, which were supposed to be Non-Fiction.

Like everything related to me being a Vampire, which I had written, up to that point.

I never heard from her.

What a bummer.

My articles and essays went under the radar completely.

Oh well, I still find writing therapeutic.

And I do a whole shit-load of writing these days. I'm more of an experimental writer/author, than anything else, really.

Oh well. I guess I just write not up-to-par.

Turns out it was a false alarm.

My damm ankle does not require surgery. It is just unstable and prone to twisting or tearing a ligament, due to the multiple falls I had taken in my life.

Cool. At least there are painkillers, for now. I need to have my ankle wrapped up tightly, just to give it some stability.

Goodbye, high-heels.

Dammit.

My ankle is killing me.

I nearly slipped and twisted it again earlier today.

Fuck.

It hurts, especially at night.

I am going down to see the doctor tomorrow morning.

It constantly needs to be bandaged tightly for support and stability.

Fuck.

Somethings never change. Like family, for instance. I don't see why my shaved head is such a concern. Thing is, I rarely go back home to visit them. We do keep in touch via phone, though. And the lesser interaction I have with them, the better I feel.

We just don't gel well together, anymore.

Things can get really awful and bitter between us.

In fact, that is why I am stuck in a community-living arrangement, right now.

I miss my sister, the most. We used to have the best times together... Now, after I had fallen really ill, that has changed drastically.

I feel like I have failed as an elder sister.

I don't know how things are going to be...

I just can hope it'll be a great year for her.

I want her to be happy.

Love ya, Sis.

Blessed Be.

This is a first for 2022 for me, on this journey in my life.

I used menstrual blood in a very personal witchy working, this evening. Menstrual blood is all-natural. It is something that we women experience as a life-and-death cycle of our natural bodies. Nothing to be ashamed of, really. This definitely sets the tone for 2022... or at least for the beginning pretty much. Yes, I've been in a darker mood than usual ever since 2022 was born... It's just a witchy thing, I guess. I recorded it all in my BoS, in detail, about my experience with Our Beloved Dark Goddess, Hekate. I'll prolly need to carry out another witchy session tomorrow, after a month of December 2021, paying special homage to our Liminal Goddess.

I'm just your solitary vampire witch next door!

Woot.

COMMENTS

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JohnKnox666
14:22 Jan 03 2022

Good luck ;).

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What the fuck. The last time I logged in to Rave, I was at a level 84. Now, I see I have dropped 2 levels to 82.

Well, isn't that just peachy.

: ¦

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ThunderMoon
19:35 Jan 01 2022

It happens to me also for the past few months

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Being heavily involved in Sprituality has taken its toll on me. Physically, Mentally, and Emotionally, tbh.

It is a long, tedious, tiresome story, though.

Unconsciously made many personal Sacrifices... Never had a best friend, much less any friends at all. No love of my life, as of yet, romantically speaking...

Yeah, I have a shitty life for a 21st Century woman.

Ugh.

And this is how 2022 begins for me.

COMMENTS

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JohnKnox666
14:26 Jan 03 2022

Hey,
I really like a girl, who doesn’t even know
If she wants me at all.

I also opened during the summer and the last couple
Of months gates to hell, but that turned out well for me.

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