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Is there nothing better than having someone that you hold in high esteem care about you, check in on you, compliment you, and redirect everything positive you throw at them back at you as if you are just as special? I don’t think so.
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I’m feeling motivated. I think I’m gonna walk in the morning. As crappy as that worked out today… I think tomorrow’s going to be a new day in more ways than just the date. I’m so happy the surgery is over. I think I’m going have good results. I’m so happy with my doctor. I don’t want to speak too soon, but I feel pretty great about everything.
It`s great to see you are better and better. Someday the things will get back to normal and you will barely remember this feelings. You are great! :)
23:10 Jun 29 2020 Times Read: 531
I did try to walk outside today, but it didn't work out- I really need to be off the meds first. When I try next it'll be when the sun is down and there aren't people around looking at me like an idiot for walking so slow. And the sun won't be beating down.
I had a 5 hour long surgery, but since it was robotic laparoscopic with no large abdominal incision- I was able to go home the next day. And I am able to get up and go to the bathroom by myself without help. Technology these days is pretty awesome. I feel the pain for sure, but it’s nothing like it would’ve been if I had to worry about an external wound as well.
All that being said, I still have the wonkiness from anesthesia and the loopiness from the pain killers. I expect sometime this weekend to be feeling somewhat normal. And I mean being able to walk around normally in my house standing up fully straight. Sometime next week I imagine I’ll be outside walking again. Not sure how far I’ll be able to go, but I’m gonna be getting back into it. Trust me, I’m going to be smart about it. Not gonna do anything stupid. My doctor said walking is fine. I just can’t lift anything for eight weeks.
Mmmhmm gurl I know how you are:p I am so happy to hear you will be on the road to recovery AND clocking past us with your turbo speed:p Missed you so much!
That is a cool news. About the walking...just a little mile, to start. lol. Glad everything went fine.
23:47 Jun 22 2020 Times Read: 644
Today is my last day to be able to do anything that needs to be done for a good while. My surgery is first thing in the morning. Last night I was in a lot of pain, I was thinking that the universe wanted to really kick me in the ass like nobody's business one more time before these issues are fixed. I don't know... at this point I think I am getting some nervousness. I know all will be well though. You guys won't hear from me for a couple days at the very least I am sure. Then again I might shock everyone and sign in tomorrow night. I have no idea what to expect.
Surgery date got switched from Monday to Tuesday- and upon further investigation... it looks like the doctor plans to do all the procedures at once instead of having me come back two months later for the rest. The bill reflects o_0 I'm happy for a 'one fell swoop' deal, though.
The clan will be you...Be strong and we will be here after your recovery.
10:15 Jun 14 2020 Times Read: 792
There’s nothing like being called out on your shit- especially when it’s legit. I mean... it’s actually a relief even if awkward knowing these events were not forgotten. Facing parts of yourself that need work, perceptions that need to be changed, all of that. And that isn’t to say I’m a horrible person, but that I really don’t walk the walk in my own life with things I would coach someone else to be. Like: whole self-confidence, trust, generally believing in yourself. I often feel like I have that, but I really don’t and never have. I know that it comes from having a mother who constantly pointed out all of my flaws. Physical and more. She did it with all 3 of her children. We always knew we had “problems”. When she pipe-dreamed of winning the lottery, top on her list was the various kinds of plastic surgery each of us would get. Imagine hearing that as a single digit aged kid. You may “forget it”- but it colors everything you do and think about in regards to yourself in the future.
I’m 46. It really is time to believe what I always tell people- these were her problems, not mine.
Ever since I met you I've seen you be the #1 fan of your son. I thought "Damn, that kid is the luckiest kid." and at the same time, I always got the impression that unless it had to do with self reflection and improvement, you didn't have much to say about yourself. Not that there wasn't anything good to talk about, but that you just didn't feel comfortable doing it. It wasn't because you were incapable of seeing the positive, because you demonstrated being overjoyed at celebrating the accomplishments and qualities in others, it just wasn't something you did for yourself.
We adapt to survive abusive relationships. Abusive cycles get internalized by the victims as a way to cope. If you know the behavior, you can predict what will come and when, and then you can maybe minimize the damage. It's absolutely tragic. And then what happens? What happens when you're conditioned to internalize that abuse in order to predict it? You end up repeating it over and over without the assistance of the abuser.
You survived, and then you thrived. That's fucking amazing.
Thank you for that. It's amazing how long someone's abuse can stick with you- even though you think you've come so far and are seeing things clearly. It takes someone who can see a little deeper to give you that nudge I guess... saying it's okay to keep climbing out of it- because there's still a fuller life to live if you do.
Yeah... those other things would be a real bummer for sure. lol
19:19 Jun 11 2020 Times Read: 861
I sent this video to a couple people because it's funny. I'd been talking to my sister about how the fan I use at night wasn't working very well- so she decided to send me this badass high velocity fan. Well... OMG- it's loud AF. So I sent this video to her. You can hear the fan blowing in the background.
And NO, we don't *really* talk like this. We just make fun of being from California with each other because... it's entertaining.
I know... I'm a fool, lol. Now you guys can actually see me in action there for 14 seconds instead of just being behind the camera when I'm all serious talking about Tarot :P
You're right. Bored is probably the wrong word- just really wishing I could go walk instead.
13:10 Jun 09 2020 Times Read: 943
I am so tired of seeing a person being continually shat upon in 2020. You may think this year is sucking because of COVID-19 plus mass injustices (all true)- but imagine also adding that in this year you almost died, had friends die next to you, then just watched your father die on a Zoom broadcast. I mean... this year can get fucked while being called its sister's name.
I had another examination today that unfortunately led to the doctor deciding I need two separate surgeries- the first one is already a duo surgery (and a huge one)- the other thing just so involved on its own he wants it to have its own day. Maybe best to not be under that long, I don't know. Maybe just exhausting with all the things that have to be done. So... where I thought I was going to be out of pocket for 2-3 months, it'll be a lot longer than that. The second surgery will actually be 2-3 months after the first. So, recover, then turn around and recover again.
A lot of TMI for me to comment about it here... but stuff I have been powering through for 20 years. It has to be taken care of now, should've have been years ago.
I'll go ahead and share it because it's nothing for me to be "ashamed" of.
When my son was being born, he was what they call "sunny-side up"- they should be facing down when delivered. So instead of getting a C-section like I should have, my doctor decided to role play 'Little House on the Prairie' and reach inside and twist a nearly 9 pound baby 180 degrees- all the while literally ripping all the internal organs around him out of place. I had no epidural for this either (not my choice). It was one of the worst experiences of my life, and gave me such a PTSD, I have been fearful of OB/gynecologists and never had an exam "there" again until last week. The pain is just too much. Things aren't where they are supposed to be which puts undue pressure on them.
So- I will be having a hysterectomy and complete pelvic floor reconstruction. But since they have to "go in there", they will "pave a new road" on the way out- so as I stated to a friend, I get a brand new designer vagina, LOL... only good thing to come of this. However, my bladder is so damaged and needs so much specific stuff done in putting it back in place, the doctor thinks it's best to operate on it a couple months after doing all this other stuff. So it's a long recovery with all this.
Images, I don't think it is as bad as it seems. I will be praying for you, throughout. That is, however, alot of trauma to go through. I cannot imagine it. You're a survivor and will always be one.
All the clan in VR are praying for you. Keep a positive approach and at the end, everything will be fine. A total hysterectomy is the best thing to do. Remember, always think about today and never stop living your life as a happy person. Always here for a quick advise if needed.
If it was just a hysterectomy, the recovery wouldn't be as bad- it's the pelvic floor reconstruction that is the huge thing. Put them together, way bigger thing. Then go back 2 months later for more. It's just a lot in a short time.
02:50 Jun 08 2020 Times Read: 992
So far so good with Tropical Storm Cristobal- and may I please not be jinxing us, lol. Our AC is crap anyway and needs to be looked into as soon as this storm is over, so losing power would be beyond crappy. So... *woot* on things being okay out there so far. I've also got pre-op stuff to attend to tomorrow morning, and I don't want to miss it and possibly delay this surgery.
I've hated staying inside all day. I have been trying to do as much work around the house as I can to get steps... but there wasn't much to do :( I still have a few hours to try and find stuff though.
OMG I am so happy for them and for you!!! And you know what's coming after this (well not soon but you know it's coming right?) Lil' ones for you to spoil:p I swear where does the time go? I am jumping for joy for you right now:)
Hopefully no kids for a good few years at least. They both have 2 years of college left, then he commissions in the Louisiana National Guard and will have some lengthy schools to attend after that.
16 days until surgery, and I just can't wait for this to be taken care of. I am really not looking forward to the recovery time- as I am not even allowed to vacuum the floor for 8 weeks 0_o... but when it's done, those problems will be over and I can move onward and upward. As always, a little monkey wrench thrown in with a mass discovered in this area (all while they are still looking into another mass in a different part of my body). As alarming as that may sound- these things are usually benign. Yes, many people get cancer, but the majority of things found in people are not. In fact, my doctor didn't even mention it to me, I just saw it in the report. That stuff was coming out anyway- so I figured he probably wouldn't jump the gun in possibly freaking me out.
I won't be a 20 mile beast master for a bit after this. But I'll get back to it ;)
I will have my phone and iPad with me in the hospital... so you hooligans better watch yourselves... you don't want me throwing out site suspensions all willy nilly on drugs. LOL
🤣 I have been thinking about getting on my treadmill at a really low speed just to get some in. My recovery info packet says walking is 'good'... but I don't think they mean the kind of walking I have been up to.
14:56 Jun 04 2020 Times Read: 1,107
I need a vacation all by myself. No responsibilities. The only thing on the agenda would be to relax. Read... people watch, maybe... learn new things without distraction. Feel all the feelings of life in the safety of my own space.
Yep, I would totally be down for it. I might get a little bit of it with staying in the hospital for a couple days. LOL... maybe not.
07:47 Jun 03 2020 Times Read: 1,131
I have a tattoo I want to get recolored, just the outside of it. I have had it recolored once before, but it faded again. Red doesn't like to hang out on me, I guess. The fading of this particular tattoo is almost symbolic in how I tried to suppress the memory of it over the years in so many ways- yet it just wouldn't wholly fade. Even then I made the effort to keep it solid. Now that it's even more faded, if I have it redone I have this feeling it'll be better than ever and have a hell of a lot more "mileage" than before. There are several I have that I would like to have lasered away, but not this one. I'd like a blank canvas in certain areas for future ideas, too...
Sometimes I know I am definitely reaching for those Tarot cards out of desperation to find answers I need. I know I shouldn't ask certain questions- like health questions for myself. I have asked them about others (yet not giving a diagnosis or prognosis)- just basic stuff that can be helpful. For me I cross the line and ask things I should leave alone. Because I know I am too close to the issue and I can absolutely read it incorrectly with that being the case... I snap back into a healthy state of mind quickly with it. But I keep doing it. I guess at least I know I am doing a dumb ass thing... so that's gotta mean I have intelligence.
It's just stupid the things we do when we feel like we can't get passed a moment unless we know stuff for sure. Thing is, we have to learn patience. Or... *I* do ;)
It's refreshing to see more people speak up about unquestionable racism. So much going on. It sucks. But when you weigh it all- frustration, looting, and inconvenience should never count for more than people who have fucking died undeservedly. There's no justification for this. 'Good cops' agree with this too. When you are seeing and feeling things clearly and correctly, you are on the right side no matter your profession.
Brand new day. 'How's about some French toast with brioche?', says I... Yeah, I think that'll keep this train in motion.
Today is a day I will accept that life will bring positive interaction, subsequent smiles, and foster peace within. Sometimes it pays to approach things like a hippy. Never underestimate the power of setting intentions.
Today is ending way better than it began. Nothing really “happened”, just me stressing out about doctor appointments and the idea of surgeries.
My health regimen has had me having conversations with people about my plans for life as a healthier person. Lots of conversations with several friends- my confidence is up this evening :)
COMMENTS
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BloodRoseX
10:57 Jun 30 2020
Awesome stuff. :)
Dragonrouge
16:50 Jun 30 2020
It`s great to see you are better and better. Someday the things will get back to normal and you will barely remember this feelings. You are great! :)