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I been reading people journals. It was about veil being thin with halloween. Well i think sometimes hear her my cat. I know she not there. I know my parents think I am lossing it when I look around. I pretend I don't hear her but I do. In my head I am saying if you are still here please stay socks. I love hear you. I want so badly to touch you and keep warm all night . I pretend things are normal. Because I don't want to loss it big time around to be lock up. Now it is quiet. Yesterday I thought I heard her. Now it is quiet.

I am going to try paint today. I got to think about the past with the man i was with a long ago. I meet him online. I risk my life yes with us meeting. My circle at my school was limited and I didn't like anyone there. He was good at kissing. And he bitten my neck during the last meeting. I am going to say this though it might be wrong of me saying this i like it. Then I felt it was wrong for me enjoy that. He was married already maybe that's why so good at it. I never saw him again afterwards. Now and then I think of him . I know I should not think of him. He ghost me afterwards. I have not been find guy like him. He had long hair and stuff.

I am grief striken. I loss my beloved cat. I love her more then I do people. I love more then anything. I love her. I worried now how am sleep she was so good cuddling me and cat massage on my back. She would do all that. I love her. I comfort her during last hour on earth. I stay awake all night let her know I was here with her in bed with me. She wasn't alone. I told her I love her. And she was so much then dealing with people. I love my tabby cat so much. Maybe animals don't live long because the world is cruel and they have to go. But I'll never forget her. Sometime I am still looking for when I hear a loud meow or something. I love you sock forever and always. I will never forget you. You are my angel. The one I want to rush home to see my cuddle one. I am in tears over a cat. I rarely do for people but you sock were special to me. You were so unque. I love you so much.

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Cadrewolf2
21:21 Oct 29 2025

So Sorry

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I am still awake in late night. Mainly because i feel sick to my stomach and nauseous. My cat is not well either. We both are sick. I feel like I am going to throw up. Tomorrow i have to go work. Here we are.

I have sister in law. She has son which make him my nephew. At at a restaurant my step father got in trouble feeding him sugar. But he started to raise his voice and she did too. And all I could think this is so embarrassing. At point I wish I was invisible man or be able fade into wall. It was so embarrassing. I was looking for way escape. I had to put up with my grandmother screaming at me. It was in the house. I was grateful for that. If there is safe defuse situation without creating drama please tell me. If there safe to do it if situation without both side counter. That being step father not watch him and him yelling. I just want everything to stop.

There is something I been thinking about that happens in 2020. You see you all I have a sibling. I have not seen my sister since 2020. I always wonder what did I do wrong. I rack my brain with stuff. She was in goth scene. I always wonder what she look like now. I don't know . When I see a girl goth. I look to see if her because it been so long since I seen her. One time I thought saw her she ran away from me. I just wish she talk me or tell me what I did wrong. She ran away and got married. In beginning fine with us seeing with her and 2020 hit it was the end.

It is nice to be popular. Where as were i work . This manager i am sure she hate my guts. She is looking for reason to fire me. The other like me. It is because I am different . I seen many like me leave because of her. And many choices to work outside the time she work because nobody is fan of her. I have other stand up against her. I see so many rating me a 10. I myself would not give myself a ten. I guess I am hard on myself with see it. Thank you for that.

I was hearing rumors. I was told they do mob stealing stuff were i work which was stealing out at store online. I hope if they start doing it here they don't bother me. Because i am not chasing people if they start stealing here. I was hearing they do this because foodstamp were taken off. Hopefully I make one shift without them bothering me. Lucky for me I don't deal with a lot costumer. I am just one clean the store. I feel bad for people registers and people watching self checkout. I was hearing that what happen this morning. Hopefully it doesn't turn into one protests things where burn stuff like they did one year. We end up closing and going home early because of them. Nobody trust them to not burn something. I guess my management saw burn Targets store decided close up that year. I was worried about getting pay my money. But management assure everyone we still got money despite fruitcake. Yeah I am keeping eyes on it just in case the mob does steal, loot and burn.

I am not very good at date scene. I am terrible at it. When people say they are interested in me. I think they like the idea with my picture. Sure i do look good in them. I just hard time believing they ask me then turn around ghost me. You see you all I am unlucky when date scene like vincent van gogh. Just I am women. Then when I do things I am good at such as painting. It drives people away. As well my many pets. That tend to drive people away too. I think they are crazy for idea dating me.

I am so curious about something. I know you all like vampires and goth culture stuff. When halloween comes do you reach for typical vampire costume or do you look at other opinion. There is wednesday a goth thing. Or do you dress in black a witch? This year i am dressing as Sally from night mare before christmas. I thought Medusa or even alice in wonderland because time so fast this year. Where I work work people seem to be disappearing or leaving? Oh yes happy halloween everyone.

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MetalAnarchist
19:25 Oct 15 2025

Not me personally. Haven't dressed in a costume since I was 15 lol. But I do tend to dress in black mostly with no one in mind. Last "goth" esque costume I remember wearing was as a zombie

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Cadrewolf2
19:39 Oct 15 2025

Dress how you feel this year, depends on the Halloween party weather i dress up or just put a mask on. Usually work but this year have it off.

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You are told many things that were you work. You can't remember half of what they want done. You feel like they overloaded with stuff. You do half of it but you don't remember the rest. You do other half another boss tell you. Because it is easier to remember then other. And because the rest you can't physically do because you are not strong enough to do it either. And you feel like that you are computer they load but remember half. But really they need to stop trying to load something you probably not remember half of what they done. I guess I feel overwhelmed. You tell them you need help. When you are out there there nobody. There is nobody there that is going help. You are only one out there. You instead make up easier task you can actually do which was box of stuff. You come back after boss that came knew your limit. Which was you couldn't lift trash? I am not lifting something that could harm my back. You call the number as well state just that. Then big manager comes in they have words and he straight him out which you been trying to do.

Should I write a story? That is what I question in itself. It is not like school were it is requirement. I did write short story on vampires. That had teacher questioning where I got my ideas from. After that I was careful censored my stories because they just were just stories . I wasn't serious about it. And worry about how sensitive some people on here. I never plan to create scene to begin with school. I thought she need light up. I mean she had us reading all Shakespeare tragedy there is. I was sick of them. I honestly thought she would want married Shakespeare.

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Cadrewolf2
03:36 Oct 10 2025

why not?

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Cypress
14:10 Oct 10 2025

When i was younger . The teacher always thought real life influenced my ideas. When in fact it was never case. Yeah I might try to write a story. They want meeting with my parents over it. I start censored what I put in and that made it short which made teacher mad. I start put random sentences and words to make it long so she get off my back and how everyone live happily ever after. I might do it.

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I had interesting night at my work. So anyway I was doing my job. I was cleaning everything. When something strange happened. I think need explaining to me. I was in bathroom washing my hands. And I look across from me the sink came on. The sink are automatically. They came on when hands are underneath the sink. I went to my team lead. I told him about it in case and it doesn't go off. He was like there is weirdness here. I just never seen anything like that before. I am not plumber so a explanation would be nice.

I made it home. There was some area were flood around area. We went around those area. I made to work and back. We had flood park. The good news is it has stop raining while I was working. Then I went home. So it now quiet.

Wll today started out interested. I got notification that we have flash flood. It just means where I am a lot rain. In some other are we get flooded . We are good. The issues we have is when rain so hard you can't see drive. We basically play waiting game. I do work today. It is at 4. Because it is doing now it might not do at 4. And reason we don't flood like were creek is would have taken days. It would have taken days on end for to be flood out.

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Cadrewolf2
19:29 Oct 07 2025

Be safe

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There is something you all might need to know. I am older then I look. People always wonder about my age. If I go zoo my mom I can she think get in as teenager still. I am like clandia in interview with a vampire. I do i.d that says I am not. I attracted teenager. People my age they think I am young like teen. The only thing does not look like teens is inside of me. I have health problems. It just been difficult fit in. It makes me wonder if not vampire because I don't look age i should be. As anyone would say my 30s. I have not had plastic surgery.

I am wondering something about this guy. His name is shane mckenney . He has tick tock about fixing thing. Well he has fang. I wonder if he was in here. It would seem like place he would be. He is almost like version of mister Roger but a guy with fang . He had video but it cut out in fuzz. He is landlord he say with house and place. That what I got with just video.

In real life. I am what people called introvert. My mom call it be shy. I don't talk much in real life. Because a lot time I am overthinking people. And well Because I don't talk much i have scared people not intentionally but usually by not announcing i am there. There are a lot jumping around. I know I do to my mom sometimes. So I made it a habit to announce i am here so didn't drop anything or jump. I did to my grandmother sometimes too.

I was ask about do I paint myself. The answer is no or people. I have to deal with people were I work in retail. Yes I would paint flowers over people or tree. Because are so hard to please and difficult at time deal with. Yes I have human done form such the halloween scream or mermaid Yes. It is as close I want to get as human as i want. I have done a lot horses that is with drawing in school years. I never like drawing people. I also like doing morning sky with cloud because I can relax and blend stuff or night sky. The sky is my favorite part of my painting the sky.

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Cadrewolf2
19:58 Oct 03 2025

Nature is more calming and better color palette

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Sometime i really think 2019 was the last normal year of our life and ever since then,
i feels like we've slipped into a alternate reality where nothing make sense, everyone is on edge, time moves fast yet too slow , and the world we knew just doesn't exist anymore.

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whowho
15:40 Oct 03 2025

Yeah.

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I hate when people ask me: "Why are you so quiet?" Because I am. That's how I function. I don't ask others "Why do you talk so much?" It's rude.

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AlderxWolf
01:21 Oct 03 2025

🎃🐺🎃

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Cadrewolf2
03:29 Oct 03 2025

lol good one

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You all might notice something. I am poetry. I listened songs. Sometime I want to write my own song but I just don't know my songs would today genra on radio. For example it is about not lyrics but about shaking it or something . I am capable of writing poetry. I read somewhere that.Some song were poetry at one point. I am sticking on here then any other place.

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Vhalynn
20:11 Oct 02 2025

You are witnessed. Write songs.

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I dreamt I went to work in the dream. But in the dream. My coworker Kenny was nice. Long ago he was not. I got to thinking why that was. Then I thought I am dead. This why he is nice. And that I didn't make it out car accident. I had one after leaving the place. And that everyone here is dead too. Then I woke up. Well everything seem normal. It was strange dream.