Deity's Vampire Journal | Miseducation of Me

Deity's Journal

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2 entries this month

← Jun 2012

Nothingness.
20:19 Sep 03 2013
Times Read: 882

I don't even have words.

...but I will force myself to write something just to empty myself of this...vile stir of emotion. I'm currently at a loss for words, bound and mute, and hoping that extracting the muddiness that is paralyzing me will allow clarity to seep into my perspective and allow me to see things as they are.

I'm at a age where I should know better. I could understand these tumultuous feelings stirring up ten years ago, when I lacked the knowledge and wisdom that comes with relationships and disillusionment .

At this junction of my life, however, it's a bit ridiculous to sit here and try to mend the shattered pieces caused solely by my own recklessness. Why have I not learned from every single one of my previous failures? How did they not serve as important life lessons which provide warning signs on who to steer clear from and who to gravitate towards? It makes no sense.

I came back here for a safe haven -- a place to cocoon my emotions and hide from the grim reality that is reflected on this station of my life. It's a bit therapeutic for me to dwell within these red and black walls for a while and simply reflect.

...and grow.

...and hopefully learn once and for all.

COMMENTS

PandorasBx
20:52 Sep 03 2013

*Hugs*

birra
03:53 Sep 04 2013

Might I suggest that you have learned.

But you've also learned closing yourself off and not allowing yourself that recklessness is no way to live.

Living life to the fullest means you need to feel everything, even the pain. You'll never feel true passion without risking feeling that pain.

Let yourself live. You'll get over this one, too.

RedQueen
06:21 Sep 05 2013

I'm sorry, sugar. But I did miss you

Deity
15:06 Sep 05 2013

I adore you all.

meeper
21:11 Sep 10 2013

So I am not the only one who sneaks back here for a safe haven when darkness encircles. G, you are amazing and I am sorry someone or something caused you harm. If you were still near by, i'd drive and kick someone's ass for doing you harm, and I would do it in super cute shoes.

michen
23:19 Dec 06 2013

I'm with you.

Impervious
00:05 Sep 03 2013
Times Read: 926

The good thing about having my heart ripped out and set on fire by someone whom I wholeheartedly adored is that now absolutely nothing phases me.

I almost feeling like writing him a "thank you" letter expressing just how grateful I am for the armour he helped construct around my heart.

I will keep this in mind, as I endeavor out into the scary world of dating by disallowing emotional attachments, and thus, further heartbreak.

Yes, I've become a cynic.

COMMENTS