The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Feed the inner demons
Do what I said I wouldn't
Do what I said I would
Study until my eyes fall out
Then study some more like the brainless robot I am
Neglect my self-care
Self-care by neglecting self-care
Wish I was better person
Figure out what's for dinner
Eat something terrible I cooked because my grocery budget is tight
Note to self- learn to cook
Wish I went to trade school rather then take out enormous student loans
Wonder what my life would be like in an alternate reality
Think of all the places I want to go, but can't

Dealing with feelings of being cast out. Withheld from information and aid. And other minor frustrations. Why have I been cast out? I don't know yet. I have suspicions, of course, that it's for something I didn't do. It was my inaction,my choice not to take sides. But? Whoever really knows why people do what they do? Why do people say one thing but their actions mean another?

I reached out to an old professor for a letter of reccomendation, and turns out he is no longer teaching and dealing with multiple cancers. Multiple cancers- yes, more than one! I can't even begin to imagine what he is going through right now. And how do I say the "right" things? I am insensitive and unable to read people, on my best days. I've prayed for him, and will continue to do so. He agreed to do the letter. I just feel...emotions about this that I can't really identify. Grateful, certianly. But ther are other emotions. How do I reboot?

First day of 2021

Goals:
New job
To go biking more and be a real outdoorsy person
Eat more cleanly
Do more for my mental health