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Despite all the ways you hurt me, underneath my anger, sadness, and fear, I still have love for you. I know that we won't ever be together again, nor do I want us to be together again, and that we will find happiness without each other. I cannot get you out of my head; I keep thinking what if I change, what of you change, what if things were different. But these what ifs are false hopes, not reality. They keep me hanging on to the past when I have a future, without you, to think about. Maybe some day I won't think about you at all? Miss the good times? Relive the bad times?

The love I've been seeking is best found within me. I cannot rely on others- my family and friends- to cure my loneliness. Don't misunderstand me. I am feeling better than I have in a while because of this realization; I feel hope and I'm coming to value platonic love. I love my coworker- a mother of 5, married, and hard-working woman- and I really opened up and talked to her for the first time after working with her almost 2 years now.

You hang up on me and expect me to finish what I have to say via text message, but I'm taking too long to type the text message, so I must be too busy for you? Wth, I don't have time for this. For a "friend," you're begginging to overstep your boundaries.

I've came to the conclusion that in order to get love, you have to sacrifice your wants and put the needs of the people you want to love you ahead of yours. This conclusion is incorrect. I didn't get the love I sought nor the happiness I thought was a sure thing. I lost myself.



But thinking about the future, I realize the potential to turn my life in a positive direction. But how?

Things are looking up for once.

Ever do something so colossally stupid more than once expecting different results? And everyone tried to talk you out of continuing the path. But it's too late. I need help.

I've done something colossal. I've done something stupid.