18:44 Mar 21 2014
Times Read: 1,799
So my four marriages lasted as follows: 3 yrs, 3 yrs, 6 yrs and 2 yrs. My fault was that I didn't take the time to really get to know them prior to marrying them since I moved around a lot while in the military and had no desire to be in a Long Distance Relationship so I always hoped for the best, but prepared for the worst. Also, I start out spoiling them, but if I'm not spoiled in return, that all stops. Furthermore, I don't allow anyone to walk all over me, mistreat me, take me for granted nor do I tolerate continues drama that leads to violence or cheating.
So I get the question how did the one that lasted for 6 yrs last twice as long as the first two and three times as long as the last one? Well we talked a lot about everything including our expectations and deal breakers. So before we married, everything was on the table, at least I thought so. Although she broke one of two major expectations of mine within the first month of marriage, I did continue to see her at least trying to keep her promise which was clearly known to be one of the bases for me agreeing to marry her. However, in the end she realized she shouldn't have made a promises she couldn't keep. She also released me from my vows by engaging in one of only two deal breakers.
So the follow-on question is what happened to cause the last marriage to end sooner than all of them? The answer to that is she released me from my vows once she realized that I was not going to be bringing in as much money in Retirement as she was use to. Also, she admitted that if she wasn't in it to love me the way I wanted to be loved and that she was never going to be able to do so since the mental illness she chose to cope with without medication and counseling prevented her from doing so, then she shouldn't be in it. Besides, it seems the relationship was built on what I can do for her.
Most figure since I am the common denominator in all four marriages that maybe I too was at fault. Well duhhh, I said my fault was marrying women I didn't take time to get to know better. However, I was always up front with them as to who they were getting. I wanted to be married for two major reasons, (1) Life time companionship with my Best Friend and (2) Having lots of sex. They also knew I only have two deal breakers, (1) No Cheating/Emotional Affairs and (2) No Physical Abuse.
The lessons I've learned are as follows:
1. Spend at least a year getting to know the person and not by way of a Long Distance Relationship if at all possible. If there is something they wish they could change about me or there is something I wish I could change about them, end it or there must be some type of acceptance on everyone's part about the other. It should not be accept now and hope to change that person later only to be bitter if they don't change later.
2. Talk about everything up front and look for actions that would raise red flags that what they say is not in keeping with their actions. Remember that the top 5 Reasons for problems in an intimate relationship are (1) Sex, (2) Money, (3) Kids, (4) Family and (5) Friends.
3. There is such a thing as marrying someone who is too young to be married.
4. Just because one agrees to be a child's step-parent doesn't guarantee that the other will remain loyal and faithful out of gratitude.
5. If their priority isn't wanting to spend time with you as proven by their actions, then they're not into you all that much.
6. If they have no passion for you, they're not 'In Love' with you.
7. If they claim to have a BFF of the opposite sex and is holding on to little keep sakes until they meet again, they haven't let go of the past and probably is marrying you as a Plan B since for some reason they can't be with the one they truly love. If you don't become their 'new' BFF, then there will be problems. If you hear them say "Well I've known them longer than you"....Red Flag! If things aren't going so well and they wish to spend alone time with their opposite sex BFF....Red Flag!
8. If they have a twin and all they can talk about is relocating to be near their twin and for you it's not possible....Red Flag!
9. If they NEED you more so than WANT you, then they more than likely have an ulterior motive for being with you other than you being you.
10. People will deceive, lie, betray and hurt as long as it will benefit them in some way. So trust their ACTIONS more so than their WORDS.
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