The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

ok well not to seem like a nut job but for some reason my doctor thinks im in desperat need to see a shrink....to the point where he kept me in the office for an hour talking to me and asking me questions.....i was told to keep a jurnal leading up to my apointments and then after each when i start, so i decided to stat on here...., more than one friend or family member is positive im suffering from extreme abandonment issues, aka daddy issues but im my case mommy, daddy and step-bitch issues and im not the peron to really listen to others i was forced to fend for myself since iwas 15 when i was put out on the streets by my parents....so ive become used to learning things by myself the odd advice has always been given but never listened to, im to the point now where it effecting my personal/physical life now and my doctor think im extreamly demented in my thoughts and beleifs LMFAO looking back to this morning i dont remember hlf of what was said by him beacuse ive become accutom to not listenig to people talk about me....yes he was talking to me but he dosnt know me? and he will never understand wha my childhood involved and how neglected and abused i was durring it, but like any other person it "i understand" NO YOU FUCKING DONT , you hear you dont understand im 23 years old with fucking daddy issues, really its caused my life to come to a hault for the past 4 years, and the past 3 involving extream anziety attacks involving my body convolulsing while i struggle to keep my body from colapsing on its self ...but it alwasy does, no i dont have sezures ive been tested by a nurologist had brain and heart tests galore done and im fine in those aspects of life, which is good im greatful for my good health, but one thing the nurologist and my doctor are concerned about is how i can not, no matter what sleep at night or through the night, i can sleep all day no issues at all!!! but night is my time for me by myself,the only person in my life who hasnt betrayed me, so i enjoy it, they seem to think its a problem, if i stayed up 72 hours straight ans was so tired i was falling asleep standing up (which does happen durring the day occasionaly) i wouldnt be able to sleep more than an hour if it was night time, maybe my night terors have somthing to do with it, im not one easily scared but these dreams are always so real, never in a place i dont know but always s if i was awake and paralized vivid, confusing and terrifying, anyways, between family and friends these are the things they think i have....and i know i will have one or more once the shrink picks through my head enough...



-bi-polar

-extream deprssion

-boarder line personality disorder

-skytzophrenia

-extreme anziety

-abandonment issues

-self pitty (lol)



there are more but they just dont come to mind, just about all are fixed by talking to a shrink and getting my issues sent in to "repression" so i can get on with my life, my main triggers are my parents and financial issues not to mention my grade 10 education, sincei had to drop out at 15 to work full time to suport myself and give myself a place to live, GED's arnt cheap, ya i could get a loan, but i distroyed my credit practicly as soon as i got it beacuse i was never tought about it nor did i have a person to turn to to ask questions about it or to warn me..... i cant work beacuse im complete nut job if someone pisses me off o if i have an episode where i want to have nthing to do with anyone let alone see anyone at all.....ive quit so many jobs on those days.... so im not working and going day by day looking at my future dreams hopeing this shrink knows what the fuck he/shes doing im not looking for a pitty party im looking for answers to wat happened in my past thats keeping me in this time loop of emotions, took me 30 min today to convince my doctor im NOT suicidal, i told him im not one to beat around the bush, if i was suicidali wouldnt be here now it would have been taken care of long ago to save me the embaressment of being a 23 year old with daddy issues.... so ya....im going to try to keep a daily recorde of my feeling, sleep, eating habbits ect, and slowly talk about my past its not pretty and its pretty black and white and if anyone even reads this id like some feed back as to if its just me, am i that stubbern? or if i really got the shitty end of the shit stick....lol so day one i guess will be aboutt his time tomorrow as my bed time is comming im tired its 6:40 am