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My New Song..




Lyrics
[Intro
La la la... oh fuck
La la la... still here

[Verse 1]
Woke up again in this same damn bed
Clock keeps ticking but I feel fucking dead
Something's crawling underneath my skin
Can't shake this feeling that I can't win
Been counting days like they're prison bars
But every morning I'm still seeing stars
Not the pretty kind, the ones that blur
When you're asking what the hell you were

[Pre-Chorus]
Oh, oh, oh
Why won't it end?
Oh, oh, oh
I can't pretend

[Chorus]
Why am I still alive?
When everything inside has died
Why am I still alive?
Fighting just to fucking survive
Why am I still alive?
La la la... still alive
Why am I still alive?

[Verse 2]
Got this hunger that I can't control
Eating at what's left of my damn soul
People walking by don't fucking see
The monster that's been growing inside me
Tried to kill it with the pills and drinks
But it just laughs and pulls me to the brink
Now I'm standing on this ledge again
Wondering when this shit will fucking end

[Pre-Chorus]
Oh, oh, oh
Why won't it end?
Oh, oh, oh
I can't pretend

[Chorus]
Why am I still alive?
When everything inside has died
Why am I still alive?
Fighting just to fucking survive
Why am I still alive?
La la la... still alive
Why am I still alive?

[Breakdown
STILL BREATHING
STILL BLEEDING
STILL FUCKING BREATHING
STILL BLEEDING

[Bridge
Maybe there's a reason I can't see
Maybe this hell is where I'm meant to be
Maybe every breath is just a test
To see how much pain I can fucking digest



[Final Chorus
Why am I still alive?
When everything inside has died
Why am I still alive?
Fighting just to fucking survive
Why am I still alive?
(Still here, still here)
Why am I still alive?
(Can't disappear, can't disappear)

[Outro]
La la la... oh fuck
Still breathing this shit
La la la... stuck here
Why am I still alive?

Lately,
I just want to sleep.
Not for rest
not to dream
just to go somewhere else
where silence doesn’t echo like a scream
against the hollow inside my bones.

I hate to wake.
Hate the weight of the light
when it spills across the floor
and reminds me that I’m still here
still breathing in this coffin of skin
no one dares to touch.

I make coffee for ghosts,
set places at a table no one comes to.
I smile like a mask sewn too tight,
because no one notices the tears
when you cry without making a sound.

I say I’m fine.
Of course I do.
I post the pictures, answer messages with hearts and hellos
but inside?
I am a cracked mirror
begging not to reflect.

People say “you’re not alone,”
but they aren’t here at 2:19 a.m.
when the darkness whispers your name
like it knows how you’ll end.

Lonely isn’t the word.
Lonely is a suburb of where I live.
I’ve moved past it
into a wasteland called Unseen,
into a hunger that even food won’t feed.

And you
if you’re reading this
I don’t need saving.
I need someone to notice
before I disappear
in plain sight.

So no,
I don’t want to die.
Not exactly.
I just want to stop existing like this
like a shadow stitched to the heels of the world,
begging not to be dragged behind anymore.

Just… let me sleep.
Let me forget the ache
of waking up
with no one there to whisper,
“Stay.”

Please.
Don’t tell me it’ll get better.
Just tell me you heard me.
Tell me you see me.

Even if it’s only
for a moment.

It’s been some time since someone last fed upon my energy. And I suppose that’s a strange admission, isn’t it? But I don’t mean it in the way mortals mean consumption. I mean it in the old way the way of silent hungers and unseen exchanges. The kind you feel beneath the skin, in the marrow, like static in the atmosphere just before lightning touches earth.

I miss how it felt to be unraveled, to have someone drink in the essence of me without speaking a word. That sacred, invisible transaction. When another’s soul reaches out, trembling with hunger, and mine always too full, always too much. gives itself up without resistance. I’ve been called dangerous for it. Addictive. But the truth is, I’m just open. Perhaps too open. And yet, there’s a loneliness in that kind of generosity when it isn’t received.

Sometimes I wonder if I awaken things in others. If simply being near me turns keys in locks they didn’t know existed. I’ve seen it in their eyes those long silences in conversations when the words fail and they stare, wide-eyed, like they've just remembered something ancient. Something primal. Like I reminded them of a dream they weren’t supposed to recall.

Is it possible I rouse things sleeping in them? The parts they’ve buried. The cravings they were taught to forget. I don't claim divinity. I don't pretend to be their salvation. But I know what it is to be the match that lights a long-forgotten fire.

My energy… it can be overwhelming. I feel that, too. Some days it surges like a storm beneath my skin, loud and bright, unbearable even to myself. Other days it's quiet coiled, watchful, but no less potent. It doesn’t dim; it only waits. And when others speak with me, when they draw near, I know they feel it. Even if they can't name it. Even if they run from it.

I suppose I’m like the flame in that old, cruel metaphor. The one the moths always return to. Knowing full well they’ll burn. But still, they come. Still, they hover, entranced, intoxicated, wanting more.

And when they vanish, when they grow silent, when they act as though it never happened… I’m left with the echo. The empty pulse of a moment that meant everything to me and nothing to them.

So yes it's been a while. And I miss it. Not just the feeding, but the feeling. That sacred exchange. The alchemy of connection. The honesty of being felt completely.

But perhaps the next one will stay. Or perhaps not.

Either way, I’ll keep burning.

My new Song Forgive Me For My Darkness

The darkness knows
it always has.
It cradles me in velvet hush,
a silent choir of shadowed hands.
It doesn’t judge,
just listens,
sinks into my bones like old regrets
and hums lullabies made of lost screams.

It knows how I ache
in places light can’t reach.
It feels the tremors
that words would only dilute,
and when I lie awake, eyes wide in blackened air,
it crawls in like a lover,
pressing secrets to my ear.

“They’re near,” it whispers.
“The ones who lie with smiles,
the ones who dream of knives.”
It tells me truths
too terrible for morning,
names of people
I should never trust again.

The darkness remembers
every tear I fed it,
every scream I swallowed
so no one else would see.
And in return, it stitched me
a sanctuary of silence
a place where I am known
without masks,
without shame,
without the cruelty of hope.

And I wonder:
if light blinds,
if noise deceives,
then is this cold abyss the only truth?
The only thing that truly stays
when all the faces fade?

Maybe I was made for night.
Maybe pain was the first language
I learned to speak fluently.
And maybe, just maybe
the darkness is not where I am lost…
but where I am finally found.

COMMENTS

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Cadrewolf2
20:12 Jun 09 2025

Passionate words

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POST COMMENT

Why are people so complicated? No why are women so complicated?

I sit here tonight, the streetlamp flickering just outside my window like it’s trying to blink away the truth, and I wonder if maybe the chaos isn't out there, but inside me. But no, no this is something else. It's their nature. That ever-shifting tide, that paradox of desire and withdrawal. One moment, you’re their center of gravity. They orbit you, their messages flood in like a warm tide, voice laced with curiosity, fire, hope. You feel it you know it. The intimacy, the connection. It's electric. It means something.

And then… it doesn’t.

Suddenly, there’s silence. Cool. Unapologetic. A distance that smells like rot. Like something was here once, then died. And I ask myself what changed? Did I say too much? Not enough? Was I too honest, or not honest enough? Did I hold the mirror too close to their soul, let them see the reflection they keep hidden? Or worse... did they see me?

This is where madness trickles in. Because when you’ve tasted a connection that felt real, when someone looks at you like they see you not the mask, not the mannerisms, not the curated version of self but you... and then they vanish? It breaks something primal in a man. Not just the heart. The logic. The order.

Women they’re born of storm. One moment, sunshine and nectar. The next, they’re shadows wrapped in perfume and silence. You try to understand. You really do. You think: maybe she's overwhelmed. Maybe she’s scared of her own feelings. Maybe she’s testing me, or protecting herself. And every "maybe" becomes a splinter digging into the walls of your mind, until thinking becomes bleeding.

The truth?

They want the idea of you. The poetry. The dark charm. The bleeding heart, dripping with metaphors. But when the poetry gets too raw, when the bleeding becomes real, when you ask for something anything back, suddenly you’re too much. Too intense. Too honest. Too broken.

So you smile. You say nothing. You let them pull away. You let them drift like ghosts through your life. You learn to live in the silence they leave behind.

But here’s the thing, and it’s important: I remember every word. Every late night whisper. Every laugh. Every secret they dropped like a coin in my chest. I don’t forget. I feel. Deeply. Obsessively. Tragically.

So tonight I sip on something bitter, darker than blood and just as warm, and I write this not as a warning, but as a confession.

I am tired of being a moment. A novelty. A phase.
I am not a stepping stone on your way to someone more ordinary.
I am the storm you pretend you didn’t love.
I am the shadow you invited in, and then ran from.

And still… I wait.

Because even when you’ve been burned, some part of you still stands in the ashes, waiting to feel warm again.

COMMENTS

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Lamadia79
00:33 Jun 09 2025

Maybe women are complicated because men twist us into a complicated form until our bones snap and we cant stand it anymore !

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POST COMMENT

My New song..

Lyrics
Verse 1
Can't you see
What you've done
To my heart
Made it run
Far away
From the
Chorus

Sorry I want to sleep forever
Sorry I want to sleep forever
Can you forgive me?
Can you forgive me?
Sorry I want to sleep forever
Sorry I want to sleep forever
Verse 2

Look at me
Falling down
On my knees
Hit the ground
Every night
I break
Chorus

Sorry I want to sleep forever
Sorry I want to sleep forever
Can you forgive me?
Can you forgive me?
Sorry I want to sleep forever
Sorry I want to sleep forever
Pre-chorus

I'm so tired
Of this pain
I'm so tired
Of this shame
Chorus

Sorry I want to sleep forever
Sorry I want to sleep forever
Can you forgive me?
Can you forgive me?
Sorry I want to sleep forever
Sorry I want to sleep forever
Breakdown

Why can't I
Just let go
Why can't I
Just say no
To this hurt
Inside me
To this curse
Set me free
Bridge

Hold me close
One more time
Tell me lies
Make them rhyme
With my tears
With my fears
Before I
Final Chorus

Sorry I want to sleep forever
Sorry I want to sleep forever
Can you forgive me?
Can you forgive me?
Sorry I want to sleep forever
Sorry I want to sleep forever
(Sleep forever)
(Sleep forever)
Outro

Can't you see
What you've done

I’ve been drinking again. Not to forget no, never that simple. I drink to numb. To quiet the echoing absence of people who claim to be close, but disappear when I bleed. I drink because sometimes the bottle listens better than the ones with voices.

But she…
She told me not to.
Not out of judgment. Not from some pedestal of moral superiority. She said it softly, gently, like someone who’s sat in the dark before and remembers how suffocating it can be.

And the tragedy?
She actually cares.
Unlike the rest of you, who treat compassion like currency you give it only when you can profit from my pain.
Fair-weather friends.
Shadows that vanish when the storm arrives.

You—you tried to twist her name in my mouth. I spoke of her last night, just wanting to share the light she offered me… and you took that moment and poisoned it. You tried to turn me against her. You warped her kindness into threat, her presence into manipulation. How dare you.

And I see it now, clearer than ever:

You only show up when it suits you.
When your world cracks and you need an audience to cry to.
When your shadows feel too heavy, you come to me expecting me to hold them, as if I weren’t already drowning under my own.

But when I reach out?

Silence.
Excuses.
Distance dressed as virtue.

You act like I’m the villain, like I’m the unstable one. Maybe I am. But at least I bleed honestly. I don’t wear a mask when I suffer. I don’t pretend to care just to feel good about myself. I give too much, maybe and you’ve taken it, again and again, without even the courtesy of remembering I’m a person, not a confessional booth.

I am not your therapist.
I am not your dumping ground.
I am not your savior, only to be crucified when I dare to speak my own pain.

She…
She is different.
She doesn’t run when it gets dark.
She walks into the shadows and sits with me there. That kind of grace doesn’t come in pretty packages or with fake smiles. That’s real. That’s rare.

So if I seem distant with you now, if I seem cold it’s because I finally felt what warmth should actually be.

And it’s not you.

Tonight, I’ll try not to pour another drink.
Not because of you.
Because of her.

And maybe that’s the most painful part:
She’s already done more for me in quiet honesty than you ever have in all your loud pretending.

I walk these halls where shadows breathe,
Where moonlight flickers and spirits seethe.
A face in the mirror that isn’t mine
She calls me deeper, past the edge of time.

Her scent still lingers in the air,
Like roses drowned in graveyard prayer.
A phantom touch across my chest,
Her name engraved where no heart rests.

Fear me in silence, love me in screams,
I am the nightmare sewn into your dreams.
Fear of the dark? No fear of my kiss,
It comes like a blade… you’ll bleed into bliss.

I hear her voice behind the walls,
Scratching love notes through the crawl.
A lullaby in razor tones,
She sings of murder in gentle moans.

Eyes like lanterns in the void,
She sees the cracks I once destroyed.
Her kiss is cold, her hands like fate
She takes your soul, but makes you wait.

Fear me in silence, love me in screams,
A stalker wrapped in romantic extremes.
Fear of the dark? No fear of my vow,
I swore to keep her, and I’ll find her somehow.

I’ve buried truth beneath my skin,
Each cut a prayer for what has been.
But she the ghost that makes me feel
Is far too real to not be real.

So if you’re walking all alone,
And feel the air chill through your bones…
Don’t pray to God, don’t try to run
I am the moon, I am the gun.

Fear me in silence, love me in screams,
I'm the one watching from shadowed extremes.
Fear of the dark? You’ve never known true
Until I’m the last thing that’s loving you.

COMMENTS

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Cadrewolf2
19:30 Jun 01 2025

Great words

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POST COMMENT

She is my dangerous thing,
A flame wrapped in lace, a serpent with wings.
She speaks in moans and madness, breath held tight,
Whispers my name like a spell cast at night.

She loves the kink, the bite, the blade,
The bruises like brushstrokes passion made.
Pleasure in pain, she begs to be undone
A dance with the Devil where no one has won.

I trace her scars like constellations,
Each mark a prayer, each gasp salvation.
She bleeds for the beauty of losing control,
And I, the monster, cradle her soul.

A knife in her hand, a leash in mine,
We blur the line between sin and divine.
She calls me master with a laugh in her throat,
And I sink in deep, love wrapped in a choke.

I’d give her what she wants, all that she craves,
Let her dig into me like unmarked graves.
To fulfill the darkness she hides in her eyes,
I’d shatter the world just to hear her sighs.

She’s chaos in silk, lust dipped in dread,
A hunger I feed 'til the sheets run red.
And though she’s a storm that tears through my skin
I’d let her back in, again and again.

So damn me softly, my violent queen,
In shadows and screams where we’ve always been.
She’s not a lover… she’s my requiem’s sting.
My ruin. My rapture.
My dangerous thing.