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ashesmccrackles's Journal


ashesmccrackles's Journal

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4 entries this month
 

Makes Me Wonder...

02:32 Aug 21 2008
Times Read: 688


my sister called and said my dad would have gone to my graduation if I would have invited him.



I'm not sure if I believe it or not.


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I Guess I'll Never Understand...

02:31 Aug 21 2008
Times Read: 689


Why do people stay with someone if it's obvous how miserable they are with them?



I cant stand to see my mom cry...yet her boyfriend is such an ass and shes cried more with him than ive seen her cry in my entire life.



it breaks my heart to see a strong woman breaking who she is...


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How Far I've Come...

01:37 Aug 15 2008
Times Read: 692


Somedays, I sit and think about what I'm doing with my life, how far I've come, and how far I still have yet to go.



But as I look back, I realize that I had expected so much more from myself as I grew, and I'm far from where I wanted to be. I find myself pathetic a great deal of the time. At my age age, I should have a steady job. I should be driving. I'm smart enough to have plenty of college scholarships and I should be furthering my education.



Why did I stop caring and give up? I had my whole life ahead of me (and yes, in a sense I still do) yet still I stay hindered in my progress to be where I want to be.



Maybe it was the lack of support I was being given, but that lays too much of the blame on people around me. I could say it was just growing up, but if I had truly grown up, I would've pushed harder for the things (non materialistic) that I wanted.



I'm disappointed in myself...


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Slightly Crazy

02:06 Aug 08 2008
Times Read: 698


My left eye is twitching.

My mind is reeling.



I cant stand to be here after too long. get worked up being alone for too long. I've always been a very dependent person. Yet, when I'm ''home'', I keep sheltered away in my room. I know he doesnt want me here, and that makes me most miserable of all; Not being wanted in a place I should be able to be comfortable and happy and safe. My mom does what it takes to make him happy, and she has good reasoning. Without him, we'd be homeless.



But being here alone in my room for hours at a time makes things difficult for me. I'm unsure of what to do. My mind starts to make my moods start changing. Honestly, I can't stand feeling like a little emo girl...or the biggest bitch in the world.



I wish there was some sort of sign to help me discover what to do...


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