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It doesn't take much these days to make me reflect on life.



Wasted days - wasted years...



Perhaps it is a bit unfair to others in my life to look at the time as wasted. Perhaps that is the wrong word. Maybe.. misdirected is a better term.



A lot of good has come out of that time spent. But as I move forward with this next stage I have to keep in mind my goals... what I want.



See, this has been the problem: I've spent too much time and energy worryiing over the happiness of others. Not so much foregoing my own happiness but not prioritizing it either.



How can I expect another to make my happiness a priority if I don't?



I consider this sitting beneath a palm tree near a hotel pool in Ft. Lauderdale. Why is this significant? Because I am here for me. Not for my responsibilities to others. I need to enjoy this time.



Still my thoughts revolve around others. It is a torturous trap. An impossible balance for me.



One I need to learn.



I have to learn it. Like any other habit, my self-defeating behaviors need to stop. The self-persecuting and self-loathing will only end when I can find that balance.



It has to be there, somewhere.



But my question remains...



Where is the balance?

...interesting one-day trip to White Plains, NY today...



I discovered finally how to use my cell-phone as an internet link... the irony being I'm all but done travelling...



I re-discovered the pain of car rentals... they gave me a car that smelled like sewage inside. Literally. I thought at first it was the area being New York City and all... but no, it was the car. Had to trade that puppy in.



It was a whirlwind day with a whole lot of boring work in the middle.



Now I get to go back to the politics of the job tomorrow... big time.



When it rains.. it pours.

Nothing like getting a $6000 piece of hardware for $200.



Go EBAY!



And Morri thinks the current servers are loud... muuuhahahahahahaha!

COMMENTS

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BlackTea
18:07 Oct 03 2008

w000t! What did we get?

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Morrigon
18:23 Oct 03 2008

You owe me...



Still, you RULE!

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birra
19:46 Oct 03 2008

A quad Xeon IBM X-series server.



A year or so old off of corportate lease.



I'll probably have to rent a car to go drive and get it though... $290 to ship it... yikes!



I think the van would make it to Syracuse... I really do...

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