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4 entries this month
 

Watching me are you...

17:49 Dec 21 2005
Times Read: 840


I guess everyone needs to NEVER be wrong. Or maybe everyone is just sooo scared when someone they never met can read them like a Dick and Jane book, a simple read. Easy, childish yet entertaining. What does that tell me about that person. It tells me that they are insecure, like we all are, and too proud, or pigheaded to admit it. I see who has read my journal. People that NEVER gave a rats ass to even VIEW my writings before. Now, they have a sudden investment as to what I write. I hope this isn't a ploy to try and censor journals. As I know how petty the establishment can be. This journal, is MY WORLD. Not yours, if you THINK I MIGHT be speaking about you, chances are I am. And if that bothers you. Fuck off, like I said, my journal is my world, I pay for it. How sad a person must be to talk so tough, yet COWAR when they are challenged. A battle of wits is only won with knowledge, you have no wit, you have NO originality, you live in your lovers shadow. But my opinion means dick. But then again, this is MY world here. So you mean dick. You are just a good laugh.


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Don't. Fuck. With. The. Wolf.

00:09 Dec 15 2005
Times Read: 852


miz



No Longer

Registered

a final post

Posted: 18:08:45 - Dec 14 2005

Times viewed: 21





I feel like a whipped dog in a cathouse and cannot get over the feeling: it is time to slink away. I leave here with happy memories and some good friends.





Emaerald my guardian and closest confidant, you are the heart of VR. Whenever I needed help, or needed something sorted out, I relied on you. I need your tact, diplomacy and skill to make things right, and if I never said, "thank you," thank you.





Ladyvamp, you have let me into your life, with your wonderful son (MadBeau), your sister (LunaDrgn), and your friends Tamstau and Janine. You, your family, and your friends, more than anyone, have filled my lonely nights.





You are in my memory gangrelmother. Hot Bonk, I loved your comment in my profile. I would be profile bombed all day, and not care because your comment was in there.





King`Tarquin for your fine sensibilities and good conversation. Whenever I think of civilized and gentlemanly, I think of you. I have spent hundreds of hours discussing everything with you. To me, you are the definition of Goth; you are the first among equals.





Requiem, longest known and the most forgiving of my friends. You have turned me on to many things; your taste is exquisite. You are the feminine side of Goth, as King`Tarquin is the male.





Moreish, I found out moreish is a real word, it means pleasant to eat, causing desire for more, and it describes you perfectly. Alto to Requiem's soprano, I have never thanked you for making sure I was never k-lined in IRC.





Alex, King of Bling, friend, and as lost as I am. You are sexy, and if I were ten years younger, and a girl, I would pounce.





TheBatt, dangerous siren, luring the unwary, and morally shipwrecking the innocent, you are the vampiest of them all.





Athena, I can never mention TheBatt without thinking of my other dominatrix. Athena, beautiful, cultured, brainy she really is like the Greek goddess.





Moonlitblood, Tigress, toy, kinky as hell, you ain't into vampirism for the Anne Rice books. A true friend, and the only one who can lift me in my darker moods.





Vmprgirl2004, the archetypal toy, you are sweetness in human form.





ShortyVamp, the antitoy, you are full to pussy's bow with attitude.





My two fairies, Mslefaye and Sidhe, who do not fit into society at all, you, are heroic because of it.





Imagesinwords, student of theology, supplier of my bedtime stories, eyecandy: das Ewig-Weibliche zieht uns hinan (the eternal-feminine draws us upwards).





BlackMamba, Diety, DarknessBound, teacher, lawyer, doctor, weird sisters, and all are stunning. Brains and beauty, and you all make my eyecandy section.





Amethyst, Deathnitegrl, Ladyblood, Masque, you are all eyecandy. I now think of Malta as babe center of the world.





Mistress69, you are an intriguing woman, I have known you forever, and the only personal piece of information I have ever gleaned from you is a picture of your ass. One day I would like to see you when you are not undercover.





TheBlairWitch, the other girl I could never make any sketch of, every time we talk she is different. What a fluid personality!





That big man DamnyouScott, ladies man, and seven foot one of pleasant company.





My lil' fillies, angelrach, blackfire, starlight, kinkybenice, bloodmistress, and my Ravyan. Rachel, Jade, Jessica, Sarah, Mel, and Lindsey Victoria, your company has been a pleasure. Bandgeekluvr, you will always be the most magic of my magical horses.





Daermon, my nemesis, you were fun to tangle wits with.





Lucios, I started to enjoy the humor in your post, perhaps even, given time, we could have been less like enemies. You were correct in knowing I would run to Cancer about my suspension. Cancer did not respond to my messages: he left me voiceless and leaving someone voiceless is cruel. That and nothing else is why I feel like I do. As for you Lucios, I apologize I underestimated you, I accept defeat, and you have won the war.





I am sure I have forgotten some of my dearest friends, I am sorry I type with a faulty memory.





Finally, thank you Cancer for being a generous host and delightful company, I hope that one day I will understand your behavior. I leave with the fondest of memories of vampirerave and many friends.


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Tired

18:01 Dec 13 2005
Times Read: 858


My own friends are scared of me. they are scared that , I'm not even sure what they are scared of. Or if I can even call them friends. They're not my friends. They are my womans friends, I just get to hang out with them. I guess it's fitting. I'm kind of sick of everyones shit anyway. I guess that maybe some little hope of actually NOT being the monster crossed my mind. That's a fucking joke. I remember things from my past lately , things I try not to. Maybe I really should be locked away forever. Maybe I should be in prison for the rest of my life. It would make everything so much easier. 3 hots and a cot. I'm so tired. Tired of caring, tired of TRYING. Fucking tired of not being me. Most people would shit themselves if they could read my mind. Maybe that's why my "friends" are scared of me. Can we change our destinies? I'm going to guess no. Not for me anyway. I might leave this site for some time. I haven't decided yet. I miss the cuty. I know if I were to ever go back though, I'd just regress to that animal that hunts for the weak and exploits them for his own gain. Fucked up part is....I MISS THAT CREATURE. Most people I meet here talk shit of loving blood. I adore blood, I love the way it feels when it pours fresh from someones broken nose, or a fresh cut. I love making people bleed and cry. I guess I am a sick person. Or maybe I am just waiting to die. I'm too tired to care anymore. No more tears to shed. No more "good times"...just the wait, only waiting. But for what?


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restless nights

06:46 Dec 08 2005
Times Read: 862


It's around 1am and I can't sleep. I mean I can sleep but the dream keeps coming. Now I had the dream again last night but at 3am, and not @ 5am like normal. Now I know something was different than the "normal" dream/nightmare. But I can't figure what. I'm being warned. But about what. 6 days till my grandma's 1 year deathday. I expect a full day of ME, TREE, AND TOO DRUNK TO SEE. Probably not even going to pop on the internet that day. I'd only be on to start some shit anyways. Getting tired but know that the dream starts when I feel the tug of the sandman. It's like walking down a spiral flight of stairs. I travel till I hit the ground, but I never ACTUALLY SEE the ground. lol

Lately though it's not a fun trip deep down into my psyche. Not fun at all. Bear has summoned my presence and we need to meet. Why does he ALWAYS pick the coldest time of year to hold these "GATHERINGS", but to have him FIND me to tell me he needs my presence. He must need me. And I am kin, so I have a duty and a pact I made some 15 years back. Maybe my dream is a warning of betrayal? I don't fucking know. All I do know is my eyes grow heavy with every key I hit.

Good Night and may demons kiss your heels and devils make a path to your desire...lol. I like that. I'll use that somewhere.


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