The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Made my whole day
22:33 Jul 25 2008
Times Read: 879

VampireWitch39 had a link in her journal, promising a smile if only you'd click on it. She LIES! I sat at my desk at work, crying like a baby. Thankfully, everyone else has gone home. WOW...this is so wonderful. Click on it. VW, thank you for posting this...next time, have a mascara disclaimer, though!



(Beastt, if you don't click on it, I will beanbag you. That goes for the rest of you men, too!)



Above All

Breaking My Rules
16:32 Jul 25 2008
Times Read: 903

I've had a few questions about "Singing Snowden's Song." I almost never do this, even with close friends, but I'm going to talk about where I was and a bit about the piece.





Singing Snowden's Song



I am here for me.

I have only ever lied to myself.

Don’t look down.

There’s the trouble -

My blind faith can see.



And you hang by your knees

From your fucked up plans,

Your frayed trapeze.



Christ, I’m scared and old.

I’m cold. I’m so damn cold.



Trembling the cracks

Where your madness pours forth.

I don’t have enough bandages

Never will be enough bandages,

And you’re spilling all over me.



"I'm cold,"

"I'm cold."

"There, there,"

"There, there."





Snowden is a character in "Catch-22," a novel written by Joseph Heller. Throughout the novel, Yossarian, the main character, relives the moment Snowden died on a bomb run mission. Yossarian goes to help Snowden and treats the wrong injury, a leg injury. When he discovers that there is a chest injury, he opens the flak suit and Snowden's insides spill out everywhere. It is THE experience that forever changes Yossarian.



Snowden keeps repeating that he's cold. Yossarian mumbles mechanically "there there" each time. Yossarian has discovered "Snowden's Secret," without a soul, man is garbage.



Allusion is a common literary device in writing that is used to evoke a response in the reader by calling up another piece of writing, art, film, etc... It can be very effective IF the allusion is well-known to the intended audience. In this case, I confess, I purposely chose a somewhat obscure reference and didn't cite the title. I was writing for me, and I knew that I got the reference, so indulge me with a little forgiveness there.



With the tidbit of scholarly (and likely boring) background, those of you who wanted to understand where I was can probably take a good guess, but I promised. This kinda goes against my personal rules about writing...by telling you what it means to me, I kill it as a living piece that the reader gets to experience.



I was thinking through the people in whom I have chosen to invest my heart. I feel like Yossarian sometimes, just going along and flying my missions. I have good friends and I'm selective about my "crew," those whom I trust to help get me back to the ground safely. Just when I believe I'm in a rhythm and have things and people where I feel sure that all will be well, the cracks begin...tiny at first, and easy to misdiagnose or ignore all together. But cracks in people spill things forth eventually - madnesses just below their precious and much-loved faces.



Unexpectedly, there you are...on your knees before someone, trying to mop them up and press the cracks back together. It is a moment of terrible truth, we are helpless before such things. We can love, but we cannot repair the real holes. For me, as I wrote those words, I was not thinking that man is garbage without his soul...I was thinking, I am helpless despite mine.



Special thanks to those who thought to ask me to do this. I'm grateful for your reading and troubling to write to me in comments and messages. You inspire me to keep plugging away at my little scribbles.

Savvy's Eyes
03:15 Jul 24 2008
Times Read: 954

What is it about the eyes of a cat? Look into these eyes. They seem to hold onto you a moment before you can tear away. It seems to me that these are the eyes of someone who has been here a long, long time...ancient eyes. What do you see there?











Model: My cat, Savvy

Affirmations
18:59 Jul 14 2008
Times Read: 1,064

What is a miracle? Here's what the dictionary says:



mir·a·cle /ˈmɪrəkəl/ [mir-uh-kuhl]

–noun

1. an effect or extraordinary event in the physical world that surpasses all known human or natural powers and is ascribed to a supernatural cause.

2. such an effect or event manifesting or considered as a work of God.

3. a wonder; marvel.

4. a wonderful or surpassing example of some quality





So, Jo...we know you. This is your clever lead-in to some point. Just get to it. OK!



A young man approached me on this site. I know he doesn't have a lot of money. What he did have was a desire to share what he does have. I always know the sincere giver...they shine. The sincere giver says, "It isn't much, but..."



This gentleman said basically those same words, indicating that he wanted to give to people who had more need than himself, but he also had a concern that after some discussion, I came to understand was a need not to disclose ANY personal information like return address, etc... But his desire to give what he could never wavered, even as we worked through how we could receive his gift and acknowledge that it came from him.



We worked out a way and in came his envelope today. I shared with him that it was here and his reaction almost knocked me off my chair. All exclamation points and "Yay"s. He celebrated the receipt of his gift! Don't miss that point; it's an important one - he CELEBRATED his gift!



Why is this a miracle? Because hearts like that just are. It is inexplicable and lovely. It is inspiring and warm. There are no small gifts when they are given in this way, with joy and celebration. I want to be a better person because of this kind of spirit that DOES reside in people. You simply cannot tell me otherwise because I see it every single day.



After receiving this gift...not 15 minutes later, a woman walked in from the street and handed me two $20 bills. We asked if she wanted to leave her name and she replied with "just Michelle." She said, "Use it to buy some canned goods or whatever you need." Neither of these two will get "properly" thanked by me or the Center. No letter for tax purposes, no fanfare at all.



I don't even know where they are in their own personal walks of faith. It isn't mine to know and that's ok. I can say that they both gave in ways that could humble some faithful donors who have begun to give as a task to be completed on a list. Makes me think about that a lot...what is the point of doing something wonderful if it doesn't fill you with wonder?

Today, you two were my heroes.

Meatball update
08:14 Jul 14 2008
Times Read: 1,098




Here's the update on my guy. We spent the day today in the yard. He loves getting his fur brushed out. Savvy came over and begged a little brushing, too. Meatball rolled around on his back in the grass like the shameless attention hound that he is. It was a beautiful day and all is well with my guy. Thank you again for all who walked with us :)

Evening Prayer
10:14 Jul 13 2008
Times Read: 1,168

There are words that are so hard to say. The very breath of God was supposed to be enough to speak things into existence. I hate speaking my weaknesses into existence, as though somehow, if only I don't speak them, they will not be real.



I pause over your words...your "flesh and blood words and I stumble over a surprise of my own making. Jealousy. Where did it come from? Lying there dormant, ready to spring forward without warning. I am jealous of her words, that you taste and try on like some cotton batik dress I step out of and decide not to buy.



I dream you, wanting only my words to hold you thrall. I will write you swings and play yards, spiriting you into my world on a clever rhyme, spinning your imagination like a merry go round. We walk together and though we are both in love with the sound and taste of words, we don't talk in this dream world. We walk and we see. We lie together and we point. We touch. A world where we are the words.



What would delight you? I walked along an old nature trail tonight...take my hand...no more words.

Thinking about my favorite smells...
19:06 Jul 09 2008
Times Read: 1,249




Jasmine tea that I've just steeped



Fresh baked bread (tastes great, but never compares to the smell)



My mom's...momness



The long ago scent of my grandfather's cherry pipe tobacco



The smell of boats



The inside of a Catholic church



Just ground coffee and just brewed coffee (preferably hazelnut, which somehow reminds me of my grandfather's tobacco)



A man I care about who has sweated hard and honestly



My daughters' hair



The sweet olive in my garden



The river



The inexpensive smell of Jergen's hand lotion...the original cherry almond



The pricey smell of Stonehenge candles



Sandlewood mixed with rain and a hint of patchouli



My doggy when I thought I'd lose him. No ruffled fur ever smelled more precious



That man I care about after a shower



Libraries, old book stores, the binding of an antique book



Summer nights

Second Harvest gets funded! They are so generous to us. This is great news for our state.
20:13 Jul 07 2008
Times Read: 1,315

Announcement







July 3, 2008



Member Agencies:







The Governor has signed HB1287 into law – it is now Act 511. We have succeeded in getting the Louisiana Food Bank Association an allocation of $5 million!







This year had its uncertainties, as we had a new Governor with priorities of his own, and many new legislators as a result of term limits. The Governor set a strict standard for NGOs (non-governmental organization) to qualify for state funding and we were one of the few entities that could meet that level of accountability. We succeeded by giving multiple presentations to the Finance and Appropriations Committees, and the Agriculture Committees of both the House and the Senate. We met with the Governor, Chief of Staff, Commissioner of Administration, Commissioner of Agriculture, several interest groups like the AFLCIO and Black Caucus and many other legislators and members of the Governor’s staff.







We would like to thank you all for your tremendous support in raising the legislature’s awareness of hunger across the state of Louisiana. We are extremely grateful to have you as our allies in the fight to end hunger.







Within the next several weeks, we will host the Louisiana Food Bank Association check presentation event and ask for member agency participation in recognizing our success. Media will be present and invitees include: Governor Bobby Jindal, Lt. Governor Mitch Landrieu, Senator Edwin Murrary, Senator Karen Carter Peterson, Representative Juan LaFonta, and others.







The event will be held at our New Orleans warehouse location. You will receive more information in the upcoming weeks.







Thank you for continuing to feed hope through your support of Second Harvest Food Bank.











Sincerely,







Agency Relations Department

For a buddy I miss
15:15 Jul 07 2008
Times Read: 1,342






I believe you read my journal, my friend. If so, you will recognize yourself here, in the place I love so much, my journal where I record my true feelings.



I treasure the time you have spent talking with me and sharing who you are. I love that you wanted to know about me. I know that both of those things were not easy for you, not what you know and feel safe with.



I know that you believe you have broken places inside you. I know that you find it hard to connect and it is sometimes effort that frustrates you. I also believe that you crave it.



You shared vulnerable places with me. I did the same. And I still care about you. Even if you make mistakes, and you will...I still want to know you. I believe you are worth knowing, as I have said before. I consider you a friend. I don't need you up my butt all the time, nor do I have all of my free time to give to you, but the time that we can have is precious to me.



Because it is hard for you to trust, the fact that you did carries weight with me. The time I've had talking with you has been meaningful to me and I believe you are special or I would not have given my most precious time to get to know you. I miss my friend. I worry and wonder what you think, what it is like inside your head and heart.



I also recognize that without feedback from you, I may be completely mistaken. Do me a kindness, please? Let me know simply if you want this friendship...or if I have misjudged and your silence means that you are done. I honestly don't have any need to cling to you. Your answer won't even hurt me if it is that you want to let go. I'm fully prepared to do so, but not if I think my friend is inside not knowing what to say or do.



We could have a code...how about what they offer coma patients? Blink once and I hold your hand...blink twice and we walk away with no regrets :)

08:06 Jul 06 2008
Times Read: 1,374

From my darling one, my sweetest friend, Irony. I am so lucky and blessed to even be in this incredible woman's presence. That she thinks of me with this kind of favor is a grace in my life.







Hjärtat

00:55:39 - Jul 06 2008





In the time before our souls were formed,

A gentle artist looked upon his clay.

Its coldness by those loving hands was warmed,

And then together, on his bench we lay.



You were there before the moment of my birth.

You were my laughter as I danced before the wind.

You were the rain, the sun, the coolness of the earth,

My courage to admit when I had sinned.



Your gift you share with me, that makes me whole,

The poets heart that beats iambic time,

Reveals to me with every beat your soul,

And on lifes page I watch your words sublime.



Every word and action has been stored.

Each moment captured in a thread so fine.

The love spun into strands, then silken cord,

Unbreakable, that links your heart to mine



When time takes up its jasmine scented brush

And draws the lines of silver through my hair,

Softly supplanting summers scarlet blush

Til only snow remains, you will be there.

Now THAT was a meeting!
20:17 Jul 03 2008
Times Read: 1,448

I am just back from one of the most amazing meetings I have ever been a part of. This is likely to lead to great things for our little Center. I am humbled and blown away. I will write more about this as the event unfolds, but for now, an international food distribution organization has chosen us to be the recipient of trucks and trucks of food, each truckload worth approximately $35,000. We are one of only 2 selected.



On the anniversary of Katrina, there will be one event scheduled in our honor that will be hosted by two VERY high profile athletes. As a hint, one wears a size 22 shoe!



After that event, we can schedule our own event through them where we do a distribution for 400 families with another sports figure committed to being at the event!



Do I have an amazing job or what? I get PAID to do this!!! If you tried to bottle my gratitude and enthusiasm right now, you'd better have God's supply of glass to do it!

Finally :)
21:23 Jul 01 2008
Times Read: 1,478

Sharing excerpts of an amazing letter I received a few days ago in my email:



"Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of our hearts to all of you! You created a mass movement across our entire country to get the House leadership to understand how critically needed rent vouchers are by the most disabled and most vulnerable victims of Hurricanes Katrina and Rita. And it worked! Last night we received word that the House leadership granted your request and placed the $73 million in funding for the vouchers in the Supplemental Appropriations Bill.



"You are all heroes!" (She lists here a ton of individual names) "...; the faith-based community who made the moral case; and caring people all across the country who flooded the leadership and the White House with calls making it clear that the American people believe that the most disabled and vulnerable victims of these disasters need and deserve ongoing housing assistance – and to every single one of you for working your hearts out for this righteous cause.



These vouchers save lives – make no mistake."