The baby isn't yours! Errr, I mean... the Goa'uld symbiote isn't yours. [turn dramatically]15:55 Dec 14 2009
Times Read: 980
So when I heard there was to be another Stargate, I was kinda a little giddy.
Okay, I was squealing uncontrollably.
What I'm talking about here is, the new Stargate: Universe.
Now as an avid viewer of the original '94 Stargate movie which planted the seed to one of my most loved sci-fi's, and then sitting down every week to watch Stargate: SG1, it's safe to say... I had high hopes. I mean, after SG1 finished up we were blessed with Stargate: Atlantis. Also a brilliant sci-fi with the foundation of gate travel via the "Stargate" using a controlled event horizon into an artificial worm-hole that can jump from planet to planet in our solar system. It was just a different team on a different objective.
Anyway, all that aside. I downloaded the first and currently only season of SG:U.
I sat down all giddy like expecting nothing less then awesomness from the Stargate franchise.
Starts up with a dark and eary room, completely empty with nothing but the swirling rings of the stargate. Then it fires up, the big splash of water flies out in the signature Stargate fashion and I'm happy as all fuckery.
People come flying through it, then.... it all kinda just goes down fucking hill from there.
As I watched on, it was all the same thing.
Oh no! Our life support on this ancient ship is failing! Okay, it's cool... We fixed it just at the end of the episode after stuffing the mid section of it with soap opera drama like; who's sleeping with who? Ooooo, look! Those guys don't like each other! Oh no! They're fighting for power and command!
Next episode; Oh no! We're running out of water! Same shit ensues.
Next; Oh no! We're running out of power! Aaaaaaaaand same shit ensues! Oh, but hey... Let's throw in some completely useless story of lesbians in there. Just to attract horny teenagers.
The best way I can explain this series is; it's Dawson's Creek... on a spaceship traveling through hyper-space about 70 billion light-years away from us: Featuring a Stargate!. Light-years are a measurement of distance, not time... Remember that.
Oh, and the worst part is; there are alot of references to nerdy things. One episode, they try making it have a first-person shooter feel to it. One of the guys is this socially awkward gamer who rattles off his top 10 movies during an attack of silly little bugs on a planet.
It's trying to attract the hard-core nerds; and as one... It fails fucking horribly.
What they're trying to do is as transparent as the drool that's running down the faces of the moronic fucktards who write this crap.
To cap this off; I hope the series gets canceled and I never ever see it again.
And then, I hope my brain treats it like a traumatic event and completely blocks it out, forcing me to drink and abuse drugs later in life.
P.S: JAFFA KREE!
P.S.S: Teal'c is quite possibly the coolest character in the entire SG life-time.
P.S.S.S: Asgard transportation is more practical, but no where NEAR as cool as the Goa'uld's ring teleporters.
P.S.S.S.S: The color of this phone is red! Do you know what that means, son?!
COMMENTS
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Prophecy
17:33 Dec 14 2009
Cheating on me again. D: Damn you Jason! After all those special moments.. :(
Amaritudo
18:27 Dec 26 2009
Do you have any idea how hard this entry made me chuckle? This brings you to an indeed higher level of social retardation. And gives you 8 more points bringing the total to 102, bringing you to first place. A considerable accomplishment considering you're way the fuck over there.
But just so you know, p.s. stands for post script. So one should always put p.p.s for post post script, p.s.s. makes no sense at all. I so totally feel smarter than you at this moment :D Giddyness.