The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Irony - Better than PEZ (conversation obviously edited a bit)
23:12 Jun 26 2008
Times Read: 1,038

Irony: I am just saying, its not weird



Joli: But it feels weak. I know you'll fuss me, but there it is. It feels weak that I can't ...



Irony: Is it wrong to be weak sometimes? If so, I am weak as hell, because I deal with * by getting online and talking to people who make me laugh my ass off



Irony: I don't think it is shameful... I would fuss a lot more if you neglected to do that because you thought it was weak



Irony: No human is 100% strong, something has to give somewhere. You come across as a rock every waking moment, to your colleagues, the people you help, your kids. It is no wonder the worries bite you when you dream



Joli: Thank you...as always, you make me sigh inside myself.



Irony: I am a regular zen dispenser;)

All My Base Are Belong To You
22:47 Jun 26 2008
Times Read: 1,045

It was fun to write "Base," for a number of reasons that people who know me well will understand. But mostly, it just felt very different to write this way. I certainly wouldn't call it poetry. It isn't really even a story. It's just a moment, captured.



I enjoyed using clipped sentences with simple words. I enjoyed writing about the immediacy of the moment. The character is fully committed in each word and line. I could feel her like you can feel the tangible presence of someone's mood when they step into your space.



I don't even think it's particularly "good," but it was damned cool to type out. I wish I could shut off my mind, though. It keeps wanting to run into the next scene.



* Don't kill me for the title of this post, Ockham. I couldn't help myself. You know I'm weak.

Phobias and Limerics (Edited and reposted)
00:07 Jun 21 2008
Times Read: 1,105

Yeah, we think phobias and limericks make for a fine evening.





Joli : Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words.

Joli : I LOVE that one!



Joli : Genuphobia- Fear of knees. That makes me want to give the planet to the roaches and dive into a mushroom cloud

Irony : Lutraphobia- Fear of otters.

Ockham : GOD I HATE OTTERS THEY SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF ME, WHAT IF THEY BUILD A DAM IN MY HOUSE?!

Joli : At least otters have teeth

Irony : Ockham, the next time someone comes into #sang asking for baby names, if you can convince them to call their daughter Lutraphobia I will give you a big kiss

Joli : but...knees?!

Joli : wtf?

Ockham :

There once was a boy who feared knees,

It made his sex life, well, jeez,

He couldn't get some,

When the pants came undone,

Saw the bend and then broke into pleas



Irony : Medorthophobia- Fear of an erect penis.

Joli: Ithyphallophobia- Fear of seeing, thinking about or having an erect penis.

Ockham:

There once was a man who feared dicks,

Not just any, mind you, just up sticks,

If he thought of a lass,

With a succulent ass,

Soon he'd find himself shitting his knicks.

............................................................................

And some of our others: (No, Irony's name isn't "Nikki," so don't go stalker squirrel. It's an inside thing.)



Irony: is this the new haiku?

Ockham: yes!

Irony: damn, I should learn how to write limericks then



Irony:

She could not believe what was seen

After taking a look at her screen

Limericks that confounded

Had left her astounded

That Ockham hadn't been more obscene





Joli:

There once was a girl named Nikki

Who wouldn't let Ockham give her a hickey.

She'd tease with a pucker

Which earned her a fruit fucker

And honorable mention in a Swedish Wiki



Ockham:

There once was a girl named Nikki,

Who should totally agree to a quicky,

With her best friend named Ockham,

(line removed by request)

And the King of the Heavens he'd kick-y.



Joli:

There once was a girl named Nikki

Who made my tongue want to go licky

We wrote unicorn porn

To the sexy the alicorn horn

So Ockham would yell "DILDOES!" at its...dicky?



Ockham:

There once was a girl I adore,

Her love being all I live for,

If it just made her happy,

I'd write sonnets, sappy,

And never for more could implore



Ockham:

There once was a lady named Jo,

On the sea of words she'd often row,

Though her humor is witty,

We hates for her ditties,

And unicorns can to hell go.



Ockham:

These two ladies are great, so you see,

They often waste much time with me,

We spend the time laughing,

And harassing, and sassing,

And there's nowhere else I'd rather be.



Irony:

This year it has not passed me by

This form that makes all of us cry

The government's trying

To steal cash from the dying

But I think it can fuck off and die



Ockham:

There once was a man who feared Gods,

And it often would put him at odds,

With the men in the church,

When he saw them he'd lurch,

And then flee, leaving some confused sods.



Trin:

There was a young girl from Mandeville

Although sometimes jaded

Her beliefs never faded

To this day she still does god's will



Trin:

There once was a boy from the city,

He found not all people were shitty,

Regardless of that,

He became a desert rat,

But now and then jumped on cam to look pretty

Please Do Not Feed Them, Especially After Midnight
19:58 Jun 19 2008
Times Read: 1,181

I know that you know this cast of characters. When I'm at work, I often leave a window available for friends to message...friends who understand that there may be huge gaps of silence while I am occupied with a client or staff. What I love are the times that I look back in and they have continued the conversation with our special brand of lunacy. I give to you my lovely, insane friends seen here in their natural habitat:



Joli says: *smoochy*

Irony: "Ockham made me watch a horrible movie:("

Joli says: the "I don't watch movies" guy?

Irony says: It was horrible. He chose it!

Joli says: wow

Irony says: Worst. Movie. Ever.

Joli says: what was this piece of poo?

Irony says: Well, we thought Napoleon Dynamite had less merit

Irony says: Black Sheep

Joli says: never heard of it

Ockham says: you should watch it

Joli says: I hated Napoleon Dynamite at first. It grew on me

Ockham says: it's about new zealanders and their sheep

Irony says: I thought you loved her:(

Ockham says: sometimes, love hurts

Joli says: o u h8 :(

Ockham says: never h8, bb

Irony says: It was horrible! The only reason it didn't get turned off was because I was too lazy to move and Ockham was too traumatised to look away

JoliDy says: Bahahahaha!

Irony says: Jo, it is true!

Irony says: Ockham "I am looking forward to seeing what happens at the end."

Me "I am looking forward to the credits"

Ockham "That too"

Ockham says: it was "I am kind of looking forward to the foreshadowed sheepocalypse at the end."

Ockham says: the whole thing smacked of a couple college kids who got drunk and decided to make a B movie

Irony says: Lets face it, that movie effectively put the bar for bad movies onto the voyager probe:P

Ockham says: there were a couple funny bits

Ockham says: it's kind of a movie that I think everyone should see

Ockham says: not just because if I have to hurt, so should they

Ockham says: but as an educational lesson as to why college kids shouldn't be given a movie budget

Irony says: ...

Ockham says: why ellipsising at me? :(

Irony says: I can't think of anything I can possibly say

Irony says: I am trying to work out anyone I hate enough to put through that abomination

Irony says: apart from *, most of the channel, all kitter and my ex

Ockham says: I bet Will would like it

Irony says: Oh god, you know... he probably would

Irony says: that scares me

Ockham says: he'd get a major kick out of it

Ockham says: jo's kids probably would, too

Irony says: It is unsuitable for them

Ockham says: if you don't mind them seeing a rubber tube representing a penis being eaten by a sheep.

Ockham says: torn off, more like.

Ockham says: also, we learned that the human ear is made of gum

Ockham says: chewing gum

Ockham says: also, we learned that jo doesn't love us and isn't talking to us, and our only option is to die together in glorious suicide. I'll go get the bleach :(

Irony says: I couldn't even sit up to turn it off

Irony says: I was compelled to lay there and just feel those brain cells burning off

Irony says: there is a slight smell of ozone still leaking from my ears

Ockham says: I gave you no less than 3 chances to not watch the movie

Irony says: them's the rules though

Irony says: I sit through your crap and you sit through mine

Irony says: I liked the other films you got me to watch

Ockham says: even Lupin? I didn't really think you enjoyed that one

Irony says: What percentage did we heckle through?

Irony says: Yeah, lupin wasn't bad at all:)

Irony says: and 3% was of me going to the kitchen to make something to eat, with instructions that I didn't want to know what I had missed

Irony says: with specific instructions as to the impending bestiality moment

Ockham says: they didn't show any of that

Ockham says: fortunately

Irony says: which is when you said you hated me

Ockham says: just them barricading their room against the wrath of the lambs.

Irony says: I came back and he had no pants on!

Ockham says: yeah that was pretty much how that scene started

Irony says: I would hate to see the directors cut

Ockham says: DON'T

Ockham says: EVER

Ockham says: MENTION

Ockham says: THAT

Ockham says: AGAIN

Ockham says: :(

Ockham says: so how's the weather?

Irony says: :(

Irony says: The daystar is high and hopefully giving my neighbours skin cancer

PRIVATE ENTRY
04:06 Jun 16 2008
Times Read: 1,215


• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •

This friend moment brought to you by the letters "a" and "w"
01:42 Jun 15 2008
Times Read: 1,309






While not true, this from a friend who loves me made me smile. You may not like Ockham, and I can understand where that's coming from, but if you are fortunate enough to have a friend, I would wish you a friend like this:



"Your writing, when positive, is beautiful, constructed, touching. When negative, it is such a change and such an unexpected thing that even though the tone is, relatively speaking, rather mild, the fact that YOU said those things about someone gives them a vast, deep weight.



(Relatively speaking compared to the torrent of hate that I tend to write with, anyways.) Having you write something like that is like having Jesus slap you on the wrist" :P

PRIVATE ENTRY
11:37 Jun 14 2008
Times Read: 1,322


• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •

Ockham: "Why, Jo...why do you hate me?"
20:34 Jun 12 2008
Times Read: 1,468

The result of topic wars on Skype chat:



participants: Irony, Joli, and Ockham



*** BE MY ORANGE (Always! But there are still dildo horses out there) WE HATE THE DILDO HORSES. EVEN MEATBALL HATES HORSE WITH DILDO, yet sees the value of the occasional unicorn poem.. My once-mighty balls have withered into mere peanuts ***



Later to be simplified to:



*** "Irony is my Orange, and Dildo Horses are forbidden." ***





Things you may need to know before undertaking the Herculean task of trying to understand the above:









And, I give you the phenomenon of people loving and composing "poetry" and "art" like the following:







Unicorn Love



Beautiful Unicorn

I've loved thee since I was born

For true and lovely is thy Alicorn

I wish you were mine



Without you i'm not fine

My love is strong and true

My Unicorn I love you

Unicorn Love



Beautiful Unicorn

I've loved thee since I was born

For true and lovely is thy Alicorn

I wish you were mine



Without you i'm not fine

My love is strong and true

My Unicorn I love you

You're welcome! :)

dem bones, dem bones
19:01 Jun 12 2008
Times Read: 1,482

I want to thank you, Bones, for all the help you give me here. There are so many accounts that without help, it would be impossible to do our jobs here. Grateful for you.

Vent Pearl 2
03:52 Jun 09 2008
Times Read: 1,563

X: You think that's bad? We actually had a Muslim teach us Sex Ed.



J: I bet you're fun in bed.



J: *self recrimination, guilt guilt guilt*

a little pearl from Vent
03:32 Jun 09 2008
Times Read: 1,575

...and then carsho (cars ho) says that there must be merit in playing Beatles albums backward (he said "bay tuls") because forward they sound like "goo goo ga shoo."

03:30 Jun 05 2008
Times Read: 1,631

You know, I don't think I have ever written anything about being a Sentoran on this site. I kinda prefer to be quiet. I've had a few bumps with users, but surprisingly few. Most people are very respectful to me, and I hope they'd say the same of my treatment toward them.



Today, I had to make a request of a member that I respect. A lesser person might have gotten her back up and misunderstood my position on the matter, maybe gotten defensive. No, that's not what she did. she explained where she was coming from, listened to my reason for asking, and made a very helpful step that will be great leadership for others I need to follow suit.



Today, I celebrate the helpful, collaborative spirit. When we work together, we can accomplish so much.

Super Birra...Birra Man...Bat Birra?
17:51 Jun 03 2008
Times Read: 1,679

Birra and I had a chance to catch up last night. He's one of my best online buds and our schedules are both so jammed that any goofy, stolen time is special.



We talked about Meatball, Morri's coffee table, and the insane hours he works. I think he should have his own cape...let's design one, Morri! OMG! Do you think we could threaten him into the lycra body suit? What would Birra's super powers be? I think Brad or Kentucky would be his kryptonite.



I told him I'm fencing off Kentucky and quarantining it. Every time he goes, he gets sick. He said he's going to be spending a longer time there next visit. I'm worried that state is trying to kill him...too much exposure and he'll likely get bubonic plague. I blame Stinky Fred. :(



...or maybe Morri's right...could it be...Brad is behind this?!