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asylum
16:14 Oct 05 2009
Times Read: 1,050








i checked myself into an insane asylum

i don't mean a mental health clinic, those places are happy.

i mean an insane asylum

it's a huge old hospital like building where people sit around staring blankly at the TV, just gereally being crazy



a business man 'checked' himself in the same time i did..

i remembered seeing him and his grim looking wife in the parking lot when i arrived

he had a nice car, the ancient kind i've always wanted..



he wore his suit like armor, his own personal protection

and walked beside me down the halls on our 'tour'.

i felt a sense of imposing false cheeriness

i pondered if we would ever leave this prison we chose for ourselves.



i felt kind of safe around the business man, like we had something in common, something in our minds

we sat in the television room watching, the crap they forced us to view...

soemone kept hitting buttons on the remote

but it was always the same show, every channel.. every minute of every hour



he suggested that maybe this is why these people think they are insane, all they do is sit and watch soap operas.

i smiled at his joke and glanced around

it seemed to make sense..



one girl ran around telling people she charges five dollars to let you see her breasts then would hold out her hand expectantly

but there are other girls who show them for free, so she doesn't get much takers...

even from those who flash their Monopoly money like the fabulous, successful rich people their delusions make them think they are



the girl with the breasts became convinced the business man and i could save her from the demons that are chasing her

and followed us around sometimes, like she's simply lost and we are her anchor to another life.

who am i to tell her she's wrong?



but i wondered how she could think we could save her if we couldn't save ourselves..



some people tell you they'll kill you here, unemotionally, just in passing..

but most just generally make you feel unsafe

and that’s just the staff..

through all their promises there is a lurking evil behind their smiles

i felt it and i know the business man did too



that first day found me huddled in the bathroom to write a letter to someone i love,

the one i never wanted to lose, only to realize i didn't have a pen

my business man said he had one, but then he remembered that his wife had kept his wallet and that’s where he had kept his pen,

he said it was right next to the red feathers that was his only tie to a distant memory with his mistress

one that still seemed 'real' and true before she went to his wife.

i stared at him, my letter forgotten as i realized the truth

five dollar girl suggested gently that maybe his wife and mistress were working together to make him only think he needs to be here

understanding flashed in his eyes and an eager hunger that one only gets when escape from your personal hell suddenly seems possible



suddenly a nurse came in and administered our medicine

he excitedly tried to tell her what we discovered, but she wouldn't listen

she only smiled that hollow smile they all seem to have and gave him his medicine from a syringe

we thought that was odd as we usually just drink it out of tiny paper cups...



as soon as she was done, he became quickly complacent, his insist explanations more vague,

and i wondered what had happened

despite my protests they separated us,

claiming he needed more intense therapy to get better, and five dollar girl and i were only getting in the way

we wanted to help our friend didn't we?

then we should let them do their jobs, they said



he's gotten into bottle caps now,

not collecting really... he just sits and plays with them

he throws them at me and yells if i get too close,

so i just leave him alone most of the time

i don't know what happened to five dollar girl..

i think she disappeared sometime one night, i can't seem to remember



my days are spent starring out barred up smoky windows at parking lots

but i can't remember if i'm looking for someone

or if i just like some of the cars i see..

sometimes a face appears in my mind

someone i almost seem to recognize,

something about his eyes..



then the smiling nurse gives me an injection that makes me feel alright and content,

it makes me forget about the boy with the eyes

and i go back to staring at cars through windows.

08:49 Oct 03 2009
Times Read: 1,057

wipe away my own fastidious promises dripping from my lips, lie to me in truth what am i, laid bare and naked before blind eyes beyond seeing, my tongue tastes the visions my eyes see, the music dancing across the shores and the scent of the notes glisten silvery and sway to the rhythm of shattering glass trod upon by a thousand voices raised in triumph over a broken down war no one remembers, set adrift in waves of deepest indigo, reflecting the violet skies that swirl in and out of dreams, unfulfilled but not forgotten thoughts, carefully kept in shabby boxes of moth eaten silk, kissed gently to dust under cracked lips and withered fingers.. smile a thought for the things that were, are, and could be, then accept this one reality of sleep, rest your weary soul on a bed of swords, dreamless and forgotten... the way it should be