16:34 Jul 20 2018
Times Read: 971
Tumblr is torturing my brain today. My emotions this week have run the prism from Infrared to black, and mucky as river silt.
I honestly think I'm far too aware, and intelligent to exist in the current world without losing my sense of balance every other moment. I see what surrounds me - the fevered egos, the value placed on blind faith, and ignorance, the self-absorbed, yet soulless pursuits of people who should know better. People who should understand more. People with the capability to become more than they are, but have built walls up surrounding their core, thinking it will protect them from the very fears they allow to dictate their lives, their thoughts, their self-narratives, and their actions.
And here is me, simply wondering what my value is to anyone in this world.
The internet is full of memes, and quotes, and inspirational sayings, and self-help videos telling us we need to be happy with ourselves, and we need to love ourselves, before we can find love, and happiness in others. Well, what happens when you've been there, and done that, but you still see yourself as not valued, not appreciated, and not seen as worthy of love, and effort by others? That's not necessarily a self-perception if the behaviors of those around you support it as true, is it?
I ask these questions in a rhetorical manner, as I feel like intrinsically I already know the answers, and understand it. I just don't like the answers. I don't like understanding what my value actually is. I don't like knowing that my role in this life is what it is, and no matter what I've tried, no matter how much effort I've put into this, it will never change. I don't like knowing I am relegated to being a utility to others, and nothing more. I am a complete person. I have value beyond what others see, beyond what others have sought, and were willing to receive, or willing to allow into their lives.
But in times like these I have to wonder, what is it going to take to find the right person, or people, that will actually see that, and match my effort? To desire this enough to put in the effort? To want to understand, and have patience, and yes, even take down those walls, and stop letting their fears dictate how they think, and act toward me.
What does it take?
COMMENTS
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VvBLOODLUSTvV
18:41 Jul 30 2018
Lol Right? I feel the same way and how to make it sound romance without sounding like an actual porno...
birra
19:04 Jul 30 2018
Even if I'm going for straight up porno, it's awkward.
We need more romantic sounding terms to describe those parts...
"Her blossoming Tiger Lilly of Love"
"Her Snap-Dragon of Passion."
"His Softly Sheathed Iron Ramrod"
Something....
VvBLOODLUSTvV
00:26 Jul 31 2018
Lol agreed