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I wish to speak directly to a certain group of people with this article, as it is my hope that these words will help at least one person who is going through a terrible time in their life and considering suicide as a solution to the problem. The reason for this is because I feel I may have some important and unique insight into the topic.



It is one thing for somebody to offer advice to an individual on the brink of ending their life. It is quite another to be on that brink yourself, looking that person in the eye.



Which is what I am.



Barring the occurrence of a minor miracle, I plan to commit suicide very soon.



The reason for this is simple: I feel my life is truly and completely hopeless.



Hopeless. I can't think of a more terrible word in the English language. It is what I believe to be the reason for most suicides. And I sincerely feel that I am one of the very few people on Earth who has discovered what true hopelessness is.



I am almost 30 years old, and have never felt love of any kind - nor do I believe anyone has ever loved me. I have family, but we are not close. Perhaps my sister and I are to an extent, but even then there is a wall of sorts between us. I am not able to be the brother to her that I should be due to the person I have become.



I have no friends - none. Nobody to have fun with or confide in.



I honestly believe that if I disappeared tomorrow, there is not a single person who would care all that much.



Truthfully, I spend most of my time alone - which is fitting, I suppose, considering that I FEEL alone in this world.



I used to believe that I was incapable of feeling love for another person. Lately, however, I am beginning to wonder if perhaps it is others who are unable to love me. I know that is the impression I get based on the actions of those around me.



How did I become the way I am? To be honest, I am not entirely sure. And, truth be told, that is not important here. All that matters is that I AM this way, and I hope to help others with the knowledge I have acquired from it.



You see, I feel there is a reason I have become hopeless. Perhaps it is to show others that they are not.



I sincerely believe that there are very, very few people in the world whose lives are completely hopeless. Truthfully, if you feel love or ever have - even once - you have hope. It is there because a) You have at least one person in your life that you love already or b) There is the potential (and probable) chance you will again. Believe me, either one of those things are worth living for.



“Adam, how do you know love is worth living for when you have never experienced it yourself?”



To be honest, that IS how I know. I feel I can appreciate love more than most people because it is something I have never had and desperately desire. I notice how love changes everything about an individual. I have witnessed how meeting somebody special can turn a life around, how just the thought of that one guy or girl can make a person light up. Never having that effect on anybody is my biggest regret in a life chock-full of mistakes. It must be the most amazing feeling in the world to bring such happiness to someone else. Additionally, I have learned to appreciate the little things in a relationship - talking on the phone, watching a movie together, going for coffee, or simply being at work and looking forward to seeing her the next day. All of that would have been so nice.



“I feel hopeless too. I have a few friends and family members that I love, but that just isn’t enough.”



Firstly, that is MUCH more than I have. Do you have any idea what I would give to have just ONE person in my life that I loved and knew loved me back? Besides, what do you think your suicide will do to those loved ones? Here's another question: Have you tried talking to them about what you are dealing with? I am sure they would be more than happy to help you through whatever may be going on - that is what family and friends are for.



As human beings, we become easily used to things. Therefore, we take everything for granted - luxuries, necessities, our passions, and even those we love most. Many people regularly insist they won’t, but they do nonetheless. It is human nature. This is why we all require an occasional reminder to show us how much we undervalue the important things in life. Have you ever had a storm or accident take out your hydro for a day? It’s not a long time, but those twenty-four hours sure feel like an eternity, don’t they? This could be why the important people in our lives may not seem like enough during the dark times - because (albeit subconsciously) we often fail to appreciate them at the level we should.



“Adam, how can you tell us not to give up on life when you are about to quit yourself? Doesn’t that make you a hypocrite?”



Hmm … yeah, that’s a tough one.



Personally, I feel that my situation is a rare and exceptional one. Besides, I have dealt with what I have inside of me since the age of 16, and the thought of suicide never even entered my mind until a few years ago. I recently read that forty percent of teen suicides are done impulsively. I cannot begin to understand how anybody could choose to end their life on an impulse.



This is an extremely serious - and permanent - decision. So you had better be damn sure about it.



Perhaps I am a quitter and a hypocrite for making this choice. But, if reading this article helps turns things around for someone else, I’m okay with that.



Life hurts sometimes, there is no doubt about that. But, as cliché as this may sound, I truly believe everything occurs for a reason. I also feel pain is a very powerful force that we can use to our advantage to make wonderful things happen, both for ourselves and others.



I previously pointed to hopelessness as the culprit of most suicides. If this is true, then I believe hope to be the anecdote. A person can live with tremendous pain and even the feeling of being unloved, at least temporarily (I have endured both for thirteen years). But the absence of hope leaves an individual with absolutely nothing to live for. What is there to keep them going? What do they have to look forward to?



If you know someone who is considering suicide, please give them hope. Let them know that you care. Believe me, it can literally save a life. Suicide is much more than a single action - it is a monster that ravages a person’s mind and spirit step by step. Love and hope can take down this monster - I truly believe that.



If you are suicidal and have read this far, let me ask you this: Do you still feel that killing yourself is the answer to your problems? Is your life hopeless - is it REALLY? True hopelessness is almost non-existent - remember that.



Even if you have made the carefully considered decision to end your life, do yourself a favor:



Give it a month. Allow at least thirty days to pass before doing anything drastic. This should provide sufficient time for you to either change your mind or have something develop to renew your desire to live. This is your life we are talking about - do not throw it away hastily. Besides, everybody deserves to do something fun before they die. So, if anything, use that time to complete something on your life’s “To Do List”.



If I can endure my pain for a decade-plus - without the assistance of drugs or alcohol, no less - then you can do another month. Believe me, it will pass quickly.



I am not a doctor, counselor, or any kind of professional authority on suicide or depression. I’m a person in pain, just like you. And I know you have a lot to offer the world, perhaps even more than most other people.



There are many wonderful things in life. Music. Laughter. Movies. Food. Hannah Montana (Although I suppose that last one may be a personal opinion). And the list goes on. I will miss all of those things. Do not allow your pain to blind you to your passions.



Most importantly, there is love. And you have no idea how much I wish I could have experienced that in some way. But, I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.



I believe this is what I was created for - to use my pain as a means to help others. In essence, to become the Suicide Doll.



You have hope. It may require a deep look into your life - behind your pain - to realize or discover it, but hope is there somewhere. It is there in the form of love and/or whatever passions you enjoy here on Earth.



Happiness may be out of the question for me, but it doesn‘t have to be for you. You have hopes and dreams, a life and a future. You deserve all of these things, just like everybody else.



Live your life - be happy.