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Whispers..05:23 May 31 2011
Times Read: 520
Through out the day she fought the voices inside her head. When she first heard the voices she was so frightend. She didn't want to move. She curled herself in a fetal position on her bed with her eyes tightly shut. Something she couldnt shake since she was a small child... The things they were telling her, brought horrofing images to mind. Better to shut them out. This isn't happening.. No let me close my eyes and when i open them I wont hear the voices anymore. There she layed wth the voices raging in her head. Screaming now. She musn't do what they say. She couldn't. She covers her ears with her hands with a death lock grip. From far away she hears someone knock on the door. oh, no. Please just go away. She knows who it is.. Go away she manages to say as she slowly gets up . Inside her head the voices are singing now. Cajoling. she gets off the bed and walks towards the door. She sees her hand reach for the door knob as if through anothers eyes. She opens the door. Everything is in slow motion. Inside her head the voices sing so beautifly, all in union. She sees her tormentor. There he stands with a twisted snarl to his mouth. Yelling at her that he doesn't know why he even bothers trying. Grabing her by the shoulders and shakes her fiercly. Bits of spittle splatering on her face as he continues to yell at her. He pushes her towards her vanity and she falls to the floor. She sees the scissors on her vanity table. A smile slowly crosses her beautiful lips. An image so bright and beautiful. Riping flesh, Bloody gashes.. With a scream she jerks out of the nightmare. Her heart racing. Her body in a sheen of sweat. She slowly turns her head and sees her husband laying on his side of the bed. She touches the bruise he gave her this afternoon, and shivers. Cold from within... Just a dream. thats all it was.
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COMMENTS
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vladstick
00:22 Jun 06 2011
Good stry but a couple of suggestions. Change the POV (Pt of view: become the dream instead of outside the dream looking in...show it dont tell it and crank up the verb intensity. Look at each verb and see if you can amp up your emotional intensity And one more thought . . . ok it's just a dream but how about the bloody shears she steps on as she goes to the bathroom in the dark?
ciao,
vladstick