The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

When you meet a lady you haven't seen for a long time, tell her she lost weight, she'll apriciate it even if she disagrees.

When you meet a man you haven't seen for a long time tell him he got built up, even if he looks like jack the pumpkin king.

If you meet a lady and you're unsure of her status, always refer to her as miss, even if she looks like the crazy cat lady.

If you meet a female who tells you her age, if she's a teen say she looks older, if she's in her 20's, say she looks her age well and pretty, if she's 30+ say that she looks younger. Yeah we're vain and sensitive.

If you meet a lady and just want sex, tell her straight away, you might get slapped, but at least you're honest:p

Life is like high school, everyone wants to be someone and you always have something to learn. The only difference is, you gotta work for your wife and you are unpaid.

Never take anyone and anything for granted. Learned this when I bought my first lottery ticket.

Never expect anything from life and you'll never be disapointed. I don't buy lottery tickets anymore.

Don't judge a book by its cover. I don't buy books anymore.

Looks are deceiving. Photoshop does miracles and people actually look better on facebook. I'll never do a blind date again.