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Not long ago I left someone I had been with for seven years. I was in a poly relationship so I stayed with my other partner who I love dearly and cherish like no other. But I can't seem to get over my ex. During the first two years with him, it was amazing. We did everything together. We had so much fun. But over time our relationship became toxic. But I couldn't let go. I loved him and wanted to do everything I could for him, but I was only dragging him down with my health problems and he would lash out on me for it when he was drinking or in a particularly shitty mood.

After he had convinced me to pursue my current partner, he got jealous and we had a major fight. The worst we had ever had. He had raised his hand to me before, but he never actually touched me. This time he pushed me into the corner of the bed. bI had been drinking a little so instead of holding back I lashed out and swung on him a few times. It escalated to the neighbors almost calling the cops. It had never gotten that bad before. Over the next couple of days, he would be fine when we got up for work. Apologetic even. He would be so sweet. But after we both got home from work, he would be the complete opposite and we would argue more. After two weeks of this, he threw his rings at me and told me to just go, then went to bed. So that's what I did. I packed my shit and called my mom, asking her to come to get me. The hardest decision I have ever made.


Over the next week, he went around telling everyone I cheated on him. He would message me being nice to me for the first three messages, then he would berate me and say horrible things to me. And I did tell a few people what happened. And I feel bad for saying a word. I should have just kept it to myself. But because I told a few select people I'm the piece of shit. While he even tried telling my best friend all kinds of bullshit when I didn't want to drag her into it. After that, he started begging for me back. He tried everything to convince me to go back. But how could I? How could I go back to that life after everything he had said and done? His family hates me more than they ever did. His friends hate me. Everyone he knows thinks I'm trash now..


Even so, I still love him. I miss him so much. Every time I find pictures with him and I go to delete them, it hurts. There are reminders everywhere. Even some of the music I have makes me think of him. In the end, I feel like a piece of shit. I feel like I may have done something wrong. But did I? I don't know how I should feel. I want to let go. I want to move on with my life. I don't regret the time I had with him. The good times were amazing, and the bad times only made me stronger for making it through. But I just can't seem to let go. What could I do, to make this easier? I don't think there is a way. I'm told it gets easier with time, but does it really?

COMMENTS

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SigmaMKII
22:16 Jul 06 2019

Make sure you know what you really want, ask your questions, what is your type, can you and he forgive what happened and make the relationship stable? You don't need more stress and these like being reminded tend to happen, its what you do with your time that either heals, leaves a wound or lingers.
Are you lingering for the right reasons? What of him and his perspective? Things always get out of hand and if there is no heart to heart talk it'll keep eating at you, maybe its the way things ended or misunderstanding your health or there was no time to take a break from it to see if things are best off or on.
Idk what to really say but as they say never stop what you are looking for or settling unless the settling is something good and you're looking at something through a blind glass. Raising up or to push you sounds and the fight sounds bad, just dont get caught in a cycle..

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Kyuuketsuki0429
12:57 Jul 07 2019

I had decided not to go back some time ago. After we split up everyone started telling me and my gf how much happier I seem. Even my mom told my gf that she hasn't seen me like this in years. So maybe it's for the best. I'm glad to say that we spoke some time last night and he's handling it better than he was before. Even sent me pictures of his cat eho I miss so much.

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