Memories And Illusions
03:22 Jun 18 2006
Times Read: 959
‘’Keep it down’’ a man said while rushing to his radio. It’s time for the rosary he continued…
Most gathered around but the guy in 3B couldn’t move as his head was strapped around a mask which was continuously pumping oxygen to his lungs in hope for survival. Ironically enough, he would stop breathing within the following hours.
As all the visitors retreated back to their homes, all the sadness of the world reinserted itself back to the M1. The M1 harboured an over packed ward, filled with old individuals suffering from heart and breathing problems. Despite the rusted beds, dirty white sheets and piss stained walls, it was still one of the cleanest wards in the ST. Lukes Hospital. Its condition obviously isn’t a revelation since we all know that the word ‘public’ is just society’s formal definition for foul stanched places. I never understood how one could make perfect use out of a public toilet on a hot sunny day at the market place!
‘’It’s time for your medication’’ the nurse uttered as she applied her usual fake smile camouflaging her bewildering thoughts. Extending my arm, I reached out for them hoping she knows that what I really wanted to extend was my finger and it’s not the index one! Every time something goes wrong, an over-charged conservative doctor prescribes some pills full of side effects which will add two problems with the one you already have. Humanity relies too much on it and I was now a hypocrite for doing the same.
Quite weakened and somewhat bloated, I got myself up to a vertical base finally settling myself onto some wooden planks which served both as a cupboard and a really uncomfortable couch to sit on!
To my side, over in 3A, a loud old brute discussed with himself some gibberish which I’m sure weren’t any of E. E. Cummings latest theories! Opposite to him, situated the guy in 3B who was now shivering and cuddled up in his own pain.
In front of me stood a lifeless mutilated corpse who captured my attention. His life was a routine that consisted of opening his eyes at dawn and closing them after dark. In the mean time he just sat on his chair, gazing with beads for eyes hidden under balloons for eye-baggies and wrinkles that looked like a sandy snake path. He rarely moved or even uttered a word which was just what I wanted in the first place.
Such a view made me wonder if I’d ever take his place…
How many times have I hoped to feel better when sick, promising that I’ll appreciate it more but here I am reliving my own deja-vu…though things seem to be much easier this time or maybe it’s just the solitude of my thoughts. Which ever doesn’t really matter but now staring outside my crumbled up window seemed like a good enough opportunity to dwell over the past.
Gazing out of the same similar wretched window I found myself…Only this time I was stationed two stories above and three years younger, surrounded by those who thought of themselves as my friends but would prove how worthless they really were over the years to come.
The first one on the list would be a conservative porn obsessed minor reading my medical chart who’d later grow into a notorious pot smoking twat who believes that the only suitable place for ‘black’ people is a crocodile pit! Standing next to him was Christa, a woman who I constantly broke up with and lying immobilised on a bed with her next to me was not what I needed at the time since everything was still too fresh. Leaning over, she whispered ‘I need to talk to you once you’re out of here…I hope that’s ok with you’. That usually meant that she needs to either have sex or tell me how things will change to the better this time…
Five months before that we found ourselves living together and her paranoia as well as my insecurities simply caused enough drama, making it all seem like some cheesy paramount soap watched by middle aged sods with nothing better to do…
Most of time I’d be too busy either keeping my band together or trying to understand her parent’s insanity so I rarely noticed the over attention she needed. Once I realized it, I also realized that she threw herself in any willing hands if was promised that they’d crawl and lust for her constantly. The first thought after I witnessed it, prior to tearing him apart, was to pretend it’s nothing. I didn’t feel like dealing with anything so we just walked back home together as if nothing ever took place. The more time that passed, the more she fucked up and the more I grew distant till I got sick and severed the ties.
From there onwards…We avoided each other in public and had good sex in private! Once I stopped that she left frantic messages, played the victim with everyone I spoke too and claimed to still love me. The angrier I got, the harder it was for me to deny her and her deceiving ways and even though I’d promise myself it would be the last time, it never was. I was weak and addicted to her far more then I was on any drug...I may also have been in love…either way I lost!
I smiled briskly and approved of it since I appreciated her gesture by bothering to visit me even though I was still sore at her..
As the machine was singing a flat-liner, I came back around to a now panicked male, struggling with life as he took his last few breaths. I quietly sat there in my solitude wondering at his eyes. No one’s beside him just as no one’s beside me. I for a few moments got a taste of what absolute peace really means. Nobody knew that I was here and even fewer cared!
By the time the qualified doctor arrived to the 3B, its resident gave up and became just another memory for those who may morn over their loss for the few following days!
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