Medical Symptoms of Vampirism15:30 Oct 14 2016
Times Read: 373
So I decided to write a journal entry explaining the parallels I have found in my physical symptoms to that of vampirism. I understand that just because I have some similarities, I'm not automatically classified as a vampire. I also understand that this is not a diagnosis list, nor a complete or steadfast assessment in deeming people 'vampires'. Along my journey so far, I've been doing research, and weeding out the 'bad' websites from the authentic ones. I am taking from one of the websites that appeared to have a pretty steady foothold on the vampire community. Feel free to correct me if I am wrong.
The symptoms I list here are those I have that are similar to those listed under the FAQ section of http://www.sanguinarius.org/
1. I have a severe sensitivity to light and heat from the sun. I am prescribed UV protection on my glasses from my Optometrist, and my physician recommends that I stay inside or some place cool during high hours of the day or on hot days. My car needs its' AC fixed, and the simple drive around the corner to pick my son up from school leaves me breathless, flushed, dizzy, and pouring sweat by the time I get home. Outdoor activities are a no-go, unless it is evening time.
2. I have always been very pale and unable to tan. I burn extremely easily and I don't even get a pretty after-glow. I visited Arizona as a kid one summer, and sat outside for about 20 minutes eating an ice cream in my bathing suit at 10am. 10 minutes after going back inside, I was bawling like a baby- my upper back and shoulders had developed blisters the size of dimes or larger. I still burn through sun screen. Sitting at a red light in my car with the windows down and the sun shining on me, my arm, etc. leaves me cursing the light for how long it takes. The direct sunlight BURNS.
3. I am medically diagnosed with a Vitamin D deficiency. My family laughs it off due to my inability to go outside often (and my lack of interest in it) as well as my pale skin. This deficiency is a lot more dangerous than most people realize. I was diagnosed during my pregnancy with my last child. I was high risk and placed on bed rest, as well as required a home nurse to help with my showers and what not. I was insanely light headed or dizzy, and simple things such as walking too quickly or getting up too quickly would leave me in a crumbled heap on the floor. I would be in the middle of washing my hair in the shower and faint, which led to me busting my head open on the toilet. I was placed on supplements and it took 2 months of every day use to get my vitamin D levels up to 'normal'.
3. I discovered my 'fascination' with blood at 15. I quickly found out that consuming my own blood made me sick to my stomach, yet I craved it even more so. Simple things like running my lips over someone's wrists or neck leave me shaking and with an almost uncontrollable desire to bite. My soon-to-be-husband, who is supportive and going through this journey by my side, at first reasoned that there's nothing wrong with it- we are all animals, after all. I have been, generally, a lustful and hypersexual person since puberty hit at 15. The yearning for blood made me correlate it with lust and sex, and when I contemplated the two together, I became addicted to it's pursuit. I ventured into the BDSM scene, not knowing of anything else, and classified myself as a masochist and major blood fetishist (I know, it's taboo here!). I didn't know how else to explain this desire for blood. Eventually, I begged an ex of mine to cut me during sex, and when he did, and I him, I got this indescribable rush. I was voracious. I wanted to play in it, to lick it, to drink it, to WEAR it. I needed it. It has since progressed and so has my understanding of it. I have also come to the realization that I was never content in a relationship, or even have a significant emotional attachment, with people in the past because I always felt like something was missing. I could have just had the most amazing intercourse, hot breath, sweating, ragged breathing, Titanic forbidden, everything short of wearing each other, and yet I felt like I wasn't close enough. It wasn't enough. Only when I indulged in my cravings did I get that rush, the feeling of closeness.
4. I have been diagnosed with some form of depression and anxiety since I was a child. As I've gotten older, I am extremely lethargic. I can easily sleep 18 hours a day and still wake up tired- it is legitimately a problem that my doctor does not quite understand or know how to address. At the same time, if my husband and I were to get intimate, I gain an incredible rush of energy, both from the sex AND the sweet smell of his wrists, neck, and stomach. I don't know how I know that I am smelling him, but I just knew one day. I tell him all the time, even right after getting off working a 16 hour shift "Omg, you smell so good... You smell so sweet!".
I want to remind everyone that I had been 'dealing' with these issues by myself for 10 years. At about 19 is when I drew the correlation between some pain, blood, and sex. I tell my husband all the time, "Pain is pleasure."But ultimately, I think the pleasure comes from my anticipation of the RESULT of that pain. The possible bruising that seems to turn me on even more, the bleeding, everything. All my exes, unbeknownst to each other, have all called me a 'succubus' at some point. I may be content with a calm, peaceful day, but I don't get nearly as happy as I do when I'm indulging in intimate acts. It's as if I'm not happy unless I'm feeling that rush, and when I do, it's like I'm a different person, but not really. Better yet, it's as if a door opened and I can be 'myself' (whatever that is) and let go of any inhibitions. My exes, my husband, and I all have a name for that 'side' of me, and we call her my demon. She's the succubus.
5.This next thing is what really stuck a chord. My hearing. It makes no sense, and all my doctors and friends look at me like I'm crazy. I have hearing issues to a degree- I can hear people when they talk to me, but I have difficulty in recognizing what they're actually saying. I realized a couple years ago, that I read lips when I'm having trouble distinguishing a word someone is saying. At the same time, however, I also can hear certain pitches most other people cannot. As I have said time and time again to friends, "I can hear a TV on, on SILENT, in the next room." And it's true. I've caught my kids sneaking out of bed in the middle of the night from the high pitched squeal it gives off. It's like this with most electronics to some degree. Also, while I may have trouble deciphering what people are saying, I can still hear THEM very well. I guess what it really boils down to is I can hear pitches very well- I can tell you what that thud downstairs was based on its pitch. But I can't tell you what you're saying to me sitting next to me.
6. I am an empath. I have had to shield myself from EVERYTHING, not just other's emotions, because attempting to filter what energies I receive is futile. It's all or nothing. I cry harder for my friends and loved ones when they go through something than they do. When someone gets mad, I get mad. A lot of times I'll break down and not be able to explain why, nor have any reason to be upset. My mother always called me melodramatic (and now I call MY daughter the same!). I don't see it as anything but normal.
7. Starting around 15, I started having insanely 'developed' dreams. I maintained a dream journal for a period so that I can look them over for any patterns or what-not. I learned that I would dream of people EXACTLY e year to the day prior to meeting them (not EVERYONE, just certain ones. I still don't understand why). I also developed a heightened sense of 'intuition' or 'gut feelings' and experimented with them. There were times where I'd be out in public, say, at a mall or similar, and we'd be walking along fine then all of a sudden I'd just get this gut feeling that something bad (technically, the term should be 'negative') was going to happen. Every time I listened to it, I'd hear about something that occurred shortly after I left. In my case, a bus caught fire right outside the mall door to the shop I was in. Or, walking to work one day, 2 cars collided and one hopped the curb and flew into the walkway where I had been just moments prior, tires flying in all directions. I don't understand why I don't listen to these feelings more, or why the more I shut them out, the more I can 'silence' them from happening altogether. I always told myself I was being foolish and that life is not a video game, I can't have 'powers'.
I am Wiccan and have been studying it since I was 12. Everything about it draws me to it, and I have ritualized as well as developed my own system of energy manipulation, or magic, that suits me. I have studied many different religions and spiritualities in depth as studying philosophies is a hobby. The similiarites between Wicca and the philosophy of vampirism is uncanny, and leads me to believe that vampirism is not 'different', but rather another branch of old paganism.
8. Since my 'awakening' to blood at 15, I have been OBSESSED with vampires. Down to collecting movies and books. I always admired the beauty in the raw nature of the vampire mythos, as well as the elegance in which most of them are depicted. 'If only...' I would tell myself.
9. This is another major factor that hit home for me: Headaches. I've suffered from migraines since I was 12, that I can recall. No over the counter medication could get rid of them- I just sought whatever was best at minimizing the pain of them. Currently, I suffer from such severe migraines, that I am incapacitated. I cannot tolerate anything during them. No light, no sound, nothing. Not even the silent whisper of the door opening across the carpet. I am on a few medications to try and help with them, and while they seem to help in preventing the frequency in which they occur, they do not help in the actual pain of them when they happen. I've been to neurologists, have had brain scans done, and aside from a slight brain injury, they cannot explain the causes of the headaches. The fact that I've had them since BEFORE the injury prevents them from chalking them up to that as a cause.
I have had all of these symptoms addressed by a medical professional, and in the end, there is nothing really to be said for them. No causes or cures, just medication to help 'treat' them. Or I'm lumped into some general category, such as depression and anxiety, and then it's never addressed again unless something changes.
Sorry for the long, winded explanation. I just want to be able to have thorough assessment and advice in helping me understand this. I have to get it through right, dammit! Lol.
Anyways, feedback is welcome and encouraged, feel free to drop a note or two. Thanks for your time!
Carpe Noctem
COMMENTS
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Sorvena
01:12 Oct 19 2016
This is great. Thanks for sharing your experience :)
Morganna777
01:08 Nov 18 2016
Welcome to the world of Sanguinarians...:)
Once you share this with the one you love, it opens whole new worlds... Enjoy!
Curtsy,
Lady Morganna