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I've loved this guy since I was 12 years old… I never knew the meaning of love until the day I fell in love with him… So I started babysitting for this girl that I knew when I was 12 years old. It used to be a 2-3 times a week thing.. Well the first day I got here the neighbor boy was here.. He had thought I was pretty and I guess he had liked me from that day on.



Well I wasn’t interested in him at all. After a couple days of babysitting I met this other guy that was a good friend and neighbor.. He was 2 years older then me. I didn’t like him AT ALL.. We were just friends.. That’s all I wanted to be. As time moved on I started to like him.. He was all I thought about.. All I talked about.. And then I fell in love with him.



We hung out all the time.. Almost everyday and talked to each other on the phone. Finally he had asked me out.. September 27, 2004 was the best day of my life. We dated for 3 months.. And it was 3 months that I never thought I could live. He broke up with me the day before thanksgiving.. And I HATED him for it. About 3 weeks later he came and asked me back out.. Stupidly I said yes.. Because I didn’t know the truth to WHY he had broke up with me. Well we dated again for another 3 months.. And then March 28th, 2005 he broke up with me again.. And on that day I thought I was going to die. I was in love with this guy.. I still am.



Well after while.. I couldn’t stand not talking to him or being friends with him.. So we decided we were friends.. And that was IT. We hung out while I was babysitting.. Talked on the phone. I had tried committing suicide over him 3 different times.. But I stopped myself and said "if I do this.. What would my friends and family think" I couldn’t do it.



Well.. he had got sent away for about 4 months.. And we wrote to each other.. But he was dating some other girl.. that he had fell in love with.. I hated her. She ended up cheating on him and breaking up with him after almost a year of them dating.



Ever since then me and this guy have hung out EVERYDAY.. And talked on the phone EVERYDAY.. I always told myself.. I would get over him.. That I couldn’t take the pain of us being just FRIENDS and not being anything more.



We lived together out in Durango for about 2 months.. I quit my babysitting job to live with him.. And then I ended up taking my babysitting job back when we both moved back into town.



I love this boy to death. Everybody tells me oh its just *puppy love.. Well the way I think of it is like this.. If its just PUPPY love.. Then why would I do anything in the world for him, take a bullet for him, give him anything he wanted, and I’ve loved him for the last 4 years of my life.



There’s nobody else I want but him. Well we've decided to be nothing more then FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS and to tell you the truth.., I hate it. We still hang out everyday and talk on the phone and stuff.. But I love him with everything I’ve got.. And he knows it.. I’d do anything to have my relationship back with this guy and spend the rest of my life with him.



But since the second time we broke up.. All I have is a broken heart.. And untold stories that I wish I could tell him..