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I've been thinking back over alot of things as of late it seems thats all I have these days are.... a load of things that where once. Another change is coming to my existance now.... I'm leaving my job. I don't have another one lined up.... I don't even know what I'm doing any more.



At one point I thought I knew where I should have been.... but I'm not sure of that eather. Where do we go when we belong no where?



I wish I had an answer I'ed go there. But I don't feel like I belong any place any time right now.



I just feel lost.... thats the only way I can discribe it.

So much stuff happening at once.... works letting me go.... a person who ment alot to me who oly recently came back into my life walked back out again.... parents arnt getting any better.



All I'm going to be left with soon is memorys.... alone in a hole maybe I dug myself. But you know.... its ok. One thing we learn over the years no one ever stays.



I've gotten used to it.... No one ever stays.... they all fade away.



Loseing work I could deal with I did it to keep bizzie.... my parents thats an event we all go through.... but you.... after not feeling anything for so long.... now I feel something.



It hurts like hell.



Just put the lights out....

Its been months has it not? Where have I been? Right now I'm coughing up shit and generally feeling like crap durring the first part of a long almost 2 week off period I've owed to my self for months.



Status.... still single yup over 1 year later I'm still not with any one. All I do is eat sleep shit and work. Still having my car... still moding my car... in the process of getting second car.



To any one who knows me form here who is on my msn who I have not talked to in months. I have not been myself. I guess its one part work stress and I have wanted to quit so many time.... hell at least once a day. Plus home like... I take care of 2 elderly people who adopted me when I was young and well there minds are going I sapose they should be in a home but well I can not get them to stop trying to drive let alone get them in a home.



I cant sleep.... every night I drink rum lots and lots of it just so I can pass out and get some form of sleep before i am up and at it again on average 4 hours a night..... you might note all the music playing on my MSN it means im there but I'm too fucked up to type shit all.



hell I'm half in the bag now.... just thought I'ed up date here so those concerned could if they choose read it.



if I could I'ed walk away but you know how somethings you have to see till then end.... this is one of those things. I wish I had moved but everytime I stop the house from burning down because someone stuck something in the oven and just left it there on high I feel im doin the right thing.



they dont think so.... most people dont think so.... I'm in a place I hope none of you ever see.... you shouldent have to watch your parents slowly deteriate like this is just so wrong ..... but people die people get old its part of life.... but this to me seems just crewl..... killing he mind off before the body.



I'll move on once this is over.... untill then im stuck in this.... watching the world around me crumble and nothing going right while I drink my self to sleep just so I can function.



if you could call this functioning?