The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Yes that title is bad.... bad bad bad bad bad....



I'm sitting here listening to The Cure and its nice, and cold down here.... un like out side where you could almost cook an egg on the side walk.



"A short term effect of the summer.... soon to be swallowed whole by the cold rain of fall... only to lay victom to the cold fridged winter"



Apparently my best friend is off for another bleaching.... this worries me in her quest to get that PERFECT white blonde what if all her hair falls out :(



I was out for another walk last night. Its been really nice with the overly HOT days leading to foggy nights. The fog comes in, and raps the east coat at 3:00 in the morning like a sweater.... only an hour before that blasted ball of fire starts glearing down again.



Yes the sun coming up at 4 in the morning is gross to us night creatures that love the long nights.



on a sader note - still know sign of that box of action figures from Japan :'(

Such a strange dream.... some old aunt that I dident know apparently died leaveing us the house. A really old english styled manner but there was a catch. The old lady made her money breeding rats.... but not ordenary rats these big fluffy cute rats with big fat tails, and there faces where pudgeyer then your normal rats too. She had them all in big cages all around the house... dinning room tabels... side boards.... every where. Apparently these rats where worth alot of money. It was at this point where after I had invetigated the bottom floor of the house that some aunt that I had never met who had been takeing care of the other aunt showed up..... she said something to me in a very snotty tone, and well I woke up with this odd feeling that there was someone else in my room but..... well there was no one there but the cat.



I was veru hungry I wanderd upstears and had 3 bowls of stale Reese Puffs.... now my mouth tastes like stale cerial but at least im not hungry any more.



I also have this odd feeling of guilt this morning for well.... even existing. Its hard to explane or even discribe.



I guess I feel like those rats..... I'm in a cage.... I'm always someone elses responsability...... what happens if they die and then there is no one else to take care of me.



I'm just like those rats.

No I have not had any food in 2 days..... yes I've been liveing off coffee and ciggies because I've been in a really bad mood.... yes ciggies are a form of self hurt when one is not pleased with ones self....



and now I'm going to go eat junk food.... yes more self loathing!



I hate me I really do.... BUT!



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NO I WONT BE CUTTING MY HAIR OH GREAT HAIR GOOROO!!! :P

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Well todays been a whole pile of suck.... not only did the cycle shops accounting people turn down me for financeing for finish the bike buying transaction then when the old people tryed to help they turned down them too O.o like WTF the monthly payments are UNDER $120..... Im crushed and confused.



Then I got new pants in the mail.... and ripped a new pair of pants just trying them on.... murrr there sowed back togeather but now there less then perfect TRIPP bondage pants :'(



yes yes dude you have 4 pairs dont be sad.... but still :'(



Tonight where sapose to have thunder and lightening so I wont have the comp on.... not that it matters much we had a power surge the other night and even though I have expensive UPS and power bar.... the mouse still acted odd after and I had to switch it over to USB.



Life just sucks.... nothing ever goes exactly as planned and I feel well..... cursed.

Well late last night a new CD landed in my mail box. The new Front Line Assembly CD Artificial Soldier... and I have to say haveing and owning almost all of the FLA catolog of releases I think this new CD is like there master peace! How so? Well it takes everything you ever liked about all the other albums and slams them togeather into 1.



The song that sticks out the most to me is track 6. Dopamine.... but really the whole CD is excilent!



If any of you actually read any of my entrys go out and find a copy of this CD its worth it!!!!

So still no permit test.... still no goverment approved driveing course ( because you need to have done one now to get a lisence for a new machine ) and still no call back from the dealers where my silver Ninja 650R is still parked with no word on can I have it delevered or what not yet.....



It really feels like I'll never have this cycle in my drive way :(



More oddness... my recent re-addiction to anime had of course sent me back to the PS2 for RPG goodness, and to the online stores for animeish goodies ^^ My recent addiction to all things Tenjho Tenge has led to the purchase of a series 1 Maya and a series 2 version of Aya ( mostly because this way I think they both look like the way they do on the anime, and they look nice next to each other on a self )..... dvds figuers oh my...



The problem is well.... 5 weeks ago a figure of Kos-Mos from the game Xenosage was shipped to me.... and well its not here yet :'( and today the figure of Aya showed up with out any "your purchase has shipped" email.... oddness why is the one sent 5 weeks ago NOT here... and this one thats not even sapose to be released on my desk????



I fired off an email to the web store I purchase from no reply yet.



The latest CD single to show up in my mail box has been well... played alot ^^ CombiChrists single for "Get Your Body Beat" is addictive like crack!!! It has not left my player much.... and I've even ripped, and moved it over to my ERazr V3i ( by the way this new Motorola is a killer you want a MP3 player with Itoons, a digital camera and something you can take movie clips with... the phone rocks!) and I was useing it yesterday why I was out as an MP3 player the sound qwality is really nice ^^



any who must get ready to go back to the DMV.... trying to get info out of them when you dont owe them cash is enough to make any ones head hurt.

So I'm all blah, and stuff. Nothing to do... MMO's boreing... just feel so blah.



Today was the adopted parents 36th wedding anny thingy ma doodle. I went out for food with them to the asain buffet thing. It was okie I sapose I dont eat much any more... the 2 plates of egg noodles and veggies have made me feel like I'm all bloated and gross... and the red wine was chilled but bland.



Just a whole load of BLAH here.



Nothing more nothing less....

It never fails to amaze me just how simple tasks are made out to be such complex things by human beings. A simple concept such as haveing a mundain normal existance that most people curse at on a reguler day seem so exciting to me. I guess when your on the out side looking in such worrible things like taxes, home owner ship, haveing your own form of transportation.... hell just cooking for ones self things that to most are just normal every day things to someone like me its an adventure! Yes I sapose its kinda sad you might be thinking for someone to admit that even simple house cleaning things like vacuming to me are well really nifty.



How much do you take for granted? Ever sit back, and really look at life? Your friends? Your family?



What if instead of haveing all those securitys you realized you had been lied to about your existance? What if your family really was not your family? What if your friends had put more knifes in your back then pins in a pin cushion? What if you sat there and looked on in horror watching the vast majority waste them selves away with alcohaul and drugs? What if you sat and watched all these tight fisted people with all these resources, and really doing nothing with them but just ataining more as if they think in some way it will buy them more life?



I look out at the human race with its race hate, bash anything thats different, hate hate hate kill kill ways, and oh the endless amount of greed.... I dispear I feel totaly sad for this existance most people live in hateing there jobs with out realizeing how lucky they are to even have one!



All these normal thing they all take for granted that to a being such as myself I find it terrably hard to co-exist with in the same world they do. The smallest of things seem like moutains, and every hand held out to me does nothing but push my face down in the mud.



Yes if this was some form of teen anger here I'ed understand but I'm highly NOT a teenager by any means.



I guess I'm just totaly disgusted with how people country goverments business'es the whole nasty works takes all of this so much for granted.



Shame on them.... shame on them all you only get one life exactly like this!



Why do people waste it eather makeing it harder for others or in fact harder for them selfs.



I cant deal with it I cant comprehend it... its just not in me to be able to deal with it.



I'm sorry

So I set out on my quest for a motor bike. Soon I found that the color of the bike I wanted was well not to be found :( Yup no black and red for me. There simply all sold out. As of this morning there is one silver and gold Kawasaki Ninja 650R left, and I'm waiting for the store to open so I can go launch a down payment on it.



Then I have to go to rideing class'es and take drivers tests, and all this stuff that I did before to be able to drive a car.



I do realize that bikes, and cars are 2 different things but if you have a clean drivers abstract on one, and you've been driveing it for years, and your not some dumb teen out to rip up the roads doing 120 mph you'ed think they'ed have some exceptions to the red tape but well no they dont.



murrrr



In other news the first 2 dvds of Tenjho Tenge came, and I'm loven this anime series! ^^ also I have a BOME figure of Aya on my desk now as well.



Yummy anime goodness



Along the same lines I've been looking for a good MA class to join. I've been thinking Aikido for some time now. I need something thats going to help get me active, and build some self confidence!



one more thing.....



Yeah my return to the world of The Matrix Online is going well, and I'm really enjoying it. Everyone is makeing me feel right at home there, and thats a drastic change from when I left let me tell you.



Over all my mood is unsure but feeling better bit by bit.

Comeing down off a coctail of energy drinks, coffee, and bagels. I wish I was sleeping I really do. This morning.... I well I havent felt like this since this time last year. Its not a good thing its really not.



On another note - Dear Canada post it does not help my constent state of mistrust and paranoia of this world when my packages not only do not show up on time... but as of late not showing up AT ALL. Yes thats right I have not been getting my mail period like not at all.



Jokeingly I'll think its all been sent to the DEAD letter office.



I picked up a copy of Underworld Evolution on DVD there thursday and well... I have yet to watch it. Just not in the mood really for anything as of late.



I need new pants. Yes odd one should state it but its a fact. I have run out of pants.... or maybe the pants are running out on me? Holes runs, and just plane falling apart clouths abound.



The nights here have been getting warmer. I go out at night at times, and walk or drive for hours. But you never see any one ever. I like the fog we've been getting to its sorta relaxing.



Yes I seem to be suffering from a case of etention span of a gold fish.



Any how once again for the soon going on 3rd week in a row I will stay up, and hope something gets deleverd today.



Besides these rambleings here nothings new, nothings going on.... I see no one.... I meet no one new or old.



Just a whole lot of empty nothing.

Its been a while.



I guess the past month saw alot of things go on. I went to that Alice Cooper Concert, and loved the show.



My old cell phone broke so I got a new one.... one of those E Razor thingies with the MP3 player in it from Motorola. Not that any one calls me or for that matter I call any one else really its just for security so if I go out some place and need help I have a phone. Its happened before after all, and cell phones have proven in my life to be a live saver at times litrally.



I sat down, and tryed to count how many days out of the past year that I have seen day light. Way less then a month to put it kindly.



My obsession with music continues thanks to the postal service. My latest big purchase would be this Attrition -box set. Really good music, and it tends to on most nights fill the vode of silence with something else besides me own murmurings.



I broke off all ties with my real mother. She scares me too much, and I just cant deal with her in my life at all.



Hmmm I signed back up to MXO after almost 4 months of not haveing anything to do with it. But its strange I feel almost like I was never on there before everything seems so distant to me.



I still play Euro RFO but the grind past 37 to get to 40 seems so hard to me, and my mind cant seem to be able to focus on anything these days long enough to work on anything.



For the most part I dirft in and out of this existance like a crumpled old leaf in the wind. The only real person I have in my life is the one best friend that I don't think can hurt me.... at least not her personally.



I still feel overly guilty when haveing anything to do with any one. I dont feel like I belong any place any where or around any one at all.



Maybe I should not be here eather.



Who knows?