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I just don’t know what to do with this pain I feel

No matter what I do I just cant heal

I try and try but fail

And I slip closer and closer to hell



No one wants this unbearable pain I carry

And to them it is kind of scary

So I am alone in this world to deal with the suffering I deal with

So here is my goodbye kiss



Long ago I was so young and full of pride

Yet I did a backward slide

Memories fill my head filled with all my regret

While at night I cry and on my bed as I set and fret



No longer am I a innocent child

My and my whole family is oh so vile

Calling me crazy and telling me I cant make it

So I put on a smile and I just fake it



Never again will I be the same

And this is the worst, out of all, this damn game

It plays and plays

With my empty, abyss brain



Self infliction fills my head

As my senses I beg and beg

So far away

I feel astray



Loneness plays with my soul

As I grow cold and old

Longing for love in all the wrong places

I see odd and new selfish faces



Hurting and ripping me apart

Like that haven’t happened from the start

And I lay motionless on the floor

As I cry out and say please no more



Hands go all around me and I cant fight back

So much pain and so much I lack

All I remember is being told to shut up

It wont, for long last



I cry out in pain wishing my brother would have stayed

And now I cant even wake

For so long I cried at night

Resenting my brother cause he didn’t put up a fight



And now I am me longing for his love

But all he does to me is shove

How can this be

That my own brother is killing me

By~ Candice Rochelle Shields

I am surrounded by pain

While my hopes and dreams are lost, and as my mind goes insane

I thought I had a family who loved me

And they don’t, now that I can see

Every tear I cry is made of blood

Cause of the people I thought I loved

No longer do I have a home

I feel so alone

Someone once told me don’t give up on your dreams

But what if you did to evil schemes

And no way of getting them back

Because of what you lost and what I lack

No more will I believe what they say

And in my soul I now lay

As they walk by I am known as a brat

While on their lazy asses they sat

As I bleed and bleed in my heart

Everything I known was ripped apart

My eyes go black and nothing I see

I cant do this again, this cant be

Longing for the revenge I want

I fall to the floor, as my mind, and memories haunt

All I feel is pain and suffering

My soul continues hovering

On the path of destruction

There has to be some kind of conjunction

To stop the madness I feel

And on to my knees I kneel

Cry out for help

But all they hear is a lost puppy yelp

I am so sick of your lies

So I cry and close my puffy eyes

I lay down now lingering on the past

That I cannot change, is this shit really going to last

I ask myself everyday

Yet again, I never pray

What good does it do just causing more pain

God never answers, I feel so ashamed

What did I do so bad

To lose everything I had

Was I never good to them or treated them bad

That makes me feel so sad

Anger rushes to my brain

Leaving me with nothing to gain

So now I lay me down to sleep

Asking the devil for him to keep

He is my only way

To stay sane

But all this said and done

I want my family to love

And that don’t matter

My hopes still left shattered

I am not as free as I wish to be

The suffering and pain enhances everyday

Sometimes I feel used and so abused

It’s like a sex object I was meant to be and it hurts so much as far as I can see



No wander why I am always high

No wander why I always cry

No longer can I be me

A sex slave is what I seem to be



A horrible dream

It can not be

That I am a succumbs of the night

Oh what a worried sight



Never again will I be innocent

Your taking the life from me

And all I know to do

Is to drink and drink



I sell my heart out to the worse of kind

Leaving me motionless and blind

As I lay dying in this deep abyss of drugs

I realize that it is not enough



Now I lay me down to sleep

My innocence I wish I could keep

And before I die I will know the truth

I am only meant to be hurt and used

COMMENTS

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ladySnowStrixx
00:42 Sep 09 2009

this is good there are a few places that don't meet but all in all I like it.

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POST COMMENT

All the times I try to make it right

I just cry

And no one cares

and my troubles no one bares



My dreams are intruded my the faint memories of what used to be

All this time I couldn’t see

The pain and suffering you caused

Has left me has left me off guard



Night and day I used to pray and you was in my dreams

But all it seems to be was lost dreams and horrific screams

Yesterday passed and no love is what you give

How can you take my love for granted and not let me live



I grab a knife and slit my wrist

Thinking why did you do this

Shove my heart aside

When it was you, who I went to, to confide



So many times I have done this before

But this time I let the blood pour

And you don’t care never have

You even pushed my love behind



As I fade away I say your name

Thinking that you saying “I Love You” was just a game

So many times I was blinded by you

What did you do? I actually loved you!



And now I am going on

To a place where you are gone

Never again will I see your face

And your memory I will replace



Go on knowing that I needed a release

And I never wanted to hurt you, you would say, please!

You knew you did and feed off my pain

And all this time I should, have, my heart to gain



So here is my Goodbye

Never will I be at your side

Go on and leave me be

Its my wonderful love you could never see

I just don’t know what to do with this pain I feel

No matter what I do I just cant heal

I try and try but fail

And I slip closer and closer to hell



No one wants this unbearable pain I carry

And to them it is kind of scary

So I am alone in this world to deal with the suffering I deal with

So here is my goodbye kiss



Long ago I was so young and full of pride

Yet I did a backward slide

Memories fill my head filled with all my regret

While at night I cry and on my bed as I set and fret



No longer am I a innocent child

My and my whole family is oh so vile

Calling me crazy and telling me I cant make it

So I put on a smile and I just fake it



Never again will I be the same

And this is the worst, out of all, this damn game

It plays and plays

With my empty, abyss brain



Self infliction fills my head

As my senses I beg and beg

So far away

I feel astray



Loneness plays with my soul

As I grow cold and old

Longing for love in all the wrong places

I see odd and new selfish faces



Hurting and ripping me apart

Like that haven’t happened from the start

And I lay motionless on the floor

As I cry out and say please no more



Hands go all around me and I cant fight back

So much pain and so much I lack

All I remember is being told to shut up

It wont, for long last



I cry out in pain wishing my brother would have stayed

And now I cant even wake

For so long I cried at night

Resenting my brother cause he didn’t put up a fight



And now I am me longing for his love

But all he does to me is shove

How can this be

That my own brother is killing me

By~ Candice Rochelle Shields

You don’t even care

So here it goes, FUCK YOU , I don’t care

You yell and tell me how you feel

But yet again I am so sick of you, and yet again I fail



I am tired of this pain you give me

How can this be

You walked away from me without saying goodbye

See I told you all you do I lie!



You come off to people like you actually care about me and say “I love you”

But you leave me empty when they leave, I have no idea what to do

So sacrifice yourself and leave me the rest

Or is this just a sick and twisted test?



Another day passes by

And cause of you, I am left behind

I never did you wrong to deserve this how can this be

don’t you understand that slowly you are killing me



When I get home I go to my room and cry

Id rather be dead than to be here, just let me die

You pick me up and put me down

I feel like a carnie clown



I am growing colder as my heart fades to black

Love is gone, home is destroyed, a mother is what I lack

Hurt, pain, sorrow and anger is what I feel

And I cant even, my heart, heal



And as I laid you down to sleep

I pray that the devil, your soul he wouldn’t keep

And I cry my tears of blood

Not even gods angels can help me, he already sent them from above



Now is the time I say goodbye, ill never have you back

You is what I now lack

And I do love you and would die for you

But its too late, the devil owns you



By~ Candice Rochelle Shields Age~18