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Basically that is what I'm hoping to learn here. I have always been an open minded person who believes in magick and the supernatural and I've always been drawn to the dark though I have considered many paths looking for what fit me best. Recently some things have been happening I dont understand and while trying to research it I came across some information concerning real vampires that made me shiver. I had always thought vampire-ism was a real thing but the more I read about psy vamps and sanguine vamps the more I see myself in what I read. I'm hoping someone can tell me if I am misunderstanding things or if I really am a vampire.



I'm not even sure how to explain why I think I may be a vamp, it's just when I put recent events together with what I now know about vamps and other things my whole life, it all seems to fit somehow. Let me try to explain. Some things are simple like how I've always liked my stake rare. When i order at restaurants I always tell the waiter the bloodier the better. Plus there's how i sometimes eat raw hamburger without realizing it. On many occasions my mom or aunt or other family member has been with me in the kitchen while I'm browning hamburger for spaghetti or whatever and have seen me open the package and eat a small handful before putting it in the pan and when they mentioned it, I denied eating it raw. The first time this happened I thought they were pulling my chain but as more people saw me do it figured I must be doing it subconsciously.



Plus there's the psy thing. I've always been pretty inactive and lethargic even as a kid i didnt go outside and run and play, I'd rather stay in. The only time I ever actually felt like doing anything was if I was around someone who was hyper or otherwise full of energy, like if I was around people arguing or someone really happy, then I suddenly feel like i had to get up and go for a time before reverting back to my normal lazy self. As I got older the lack of energy became debilitating. By the time I was 13, all I did was sleep. Nothing could wake me up and I would only get out of bed to eat and bathe. If i did wake up for school, I was a zombie, I stumbled to the bus stop, dozed on the bus, got to class and immediately fell asleep on my desk til the bell, then shuffled down the hall half conscious to my next class and repeat. Days and nights ran together, I could have conversations and not remember them. There would be days, usually following some conflict with somebody, that i would be wide awake and sleeping less than 10 hours for a few days in a row but then i'd go right back. Things got really bad when I was 16/17. I had been on autopilot for so many years I stopped paying attention to what I was doing, I usually wouldn't remember what i did or said one day to the next and if I did remember it, it was like yeah I did that but I didnt do that. I don't know how else to explain it and I know it sounds crazy but one night, on autopilot, I started cutting and liking my own blood. Idk why I did it that first time, but after I couldn't stop, i had to taste it. I never admitted that before. When everyone found out I just let the shrinks think I was depressed and dope me up, it seemed easier than trying to explain but looking back i think it may have been some sort of awakening that I repressed. I haven't cut or taken any "medicine (if u can call antidepressants actual medicine)" in like three years but my energy levels have pretty much remained the same, i rarely feel like doing anything without some sort of boost I am rarely awake for more than like 4 hours and during that time i could drink as many pots of coffee. My aunt was always an energetic person and when I first moved in, being around her i was pretty good but now not only am I back to how I was but my aunt has been acting unlike herself the past few weeks, grumpy and exhausted and if u knew my aunt you would know that is not her. I think over this past year I may have been psy feeding off her and my uncle without knowing and they are starting to suffer for it. Plus I've noticed changes in myself lately, i'd been picking fights and taking risks i normally wouldnt and then if i get hurt, the first thing i do is lick the blood. someone had to point that last bit out to me. I just dont understand whats going on and this seemed like the closest thing to an explanation. I'm hoping someone can tell me if I'm wrong or if I'm right and if so, what can I do?