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ARO vs CAIUS ( Chapter 1 )22:06 Apr 13 2011
Times Read: 603
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Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. or the Jokes.
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Summary: What do the three Volturi brothers be up to when Stephanie Meyer isn't around to record them?
You get this!
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ARO POV:
Another boring day…
I sighed dramatically.
No one to kill, I'd already eaten them. No vampires to prosecute, because they've all been good. No friends to call, since I have none. No Felix around, he's on a mission. No life from Marcus, because Didyme is dead. No annoying Caius because - I have no reason not to… Bingo!
I glanced over at Caius who was slumped in his seat looking utterly bored. I thought of ways to stir him…
"Caius, dear brother, why look so glum?" I asked.
His eyes flickered to me. "Are you seriously asking me that question?"
I placed a finger on my chin and pretended to look thoughtful. "Yes, I believe I am."
He glared at me. "We have no food to eat, no vampires to kill, no entertainment. NOTHING. And your asking me why I look glum?"
"Yes." I said, pretending to still be waiting for an answer.
He looked at me as if I was stupid. "I answered your question."
I pretended to rerun his words in my head… "No you didn't. you just listed what we don't have."
He groaned. "Marcus, he's your brother not mine. Try to show him the stupidity of his ways."
I mock gasp. "The stupidity of my ways? Oh brother dear… your not thinking of joining Carlisle's diet are you? That's preposterous! I see no stupidity in my ways only in the ways you considering." I huffed and turned my back on him and looked at Marcus. "Dear my favourite brother, how are you?"
"Planning my suicide so I can get away from you." He said emotionlessly.
I heard Caius snicker. "You and me both."
I pretended not to hear either of them. "That's good Marcus. Shall we talk about what happened at the charity fund party yesterday?"
Caius groaned. "No thank you. We already heard what you and Sulpicia were up to in the garden. Marcus has ordered the garden burned and to be replaced. We also heard what you did in the game room. It's being demolished as we speak and another is being rebuilt on the other side of the castle."
that's little pompous! How dare he burn things my wife and I lay claim upon!
"No offence brother. But nobody what's to touch the stuff you and your wife screw each other on."
that's does it. I stood up. "Come here, Caius." I beckoned.
He looked cautious. So he should. "Why?"
"It's okay, I wont hurt you."
"That's what you always say and then you hurt me."
"I just want to tell you something I wont tell Marcus."
He shot off the chair and was next to me in a millisecond. I touched his hand and grinned sadistically.
Marcus sighed. "Caius, really the amount of times he does that you should have learned by now."
I looked at Caius's mortified face. "Please don't." he asked.
I sat back down. "GUARDS!" I yelled.
My guards were there in less then a second.
"Do Aro and I'll kill you."
"Caius loves puppy dogs, rainbows and butterflies as well as ducks!"
It went silent.
I heard Caius growl and a few snickers from the guard.
"Serious?" asked a few of them.
Caius lunged at me. "Your dead, Paper skin boy!"
I dodged his attack and started trying to fight him without touching him. I'd rather not double cross with his power at the moment.
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MARCUS POV:
How did I end up with two brothers as such?
I watched as they tried to slap each other but too afraid to make actually skin contact. Aro afraid Caius will erase his memories and only leave certain ones he'd rather forget. Caius, so Aro doesn't know anymore then he already does.
The fight looked ridiculous and was pathetic.
Suddenly Aro stopped. "Let's settle it as the teenagers do these day!"
Caius groaned. "There's no way I'm doing that."
Aro yelled. "Yo momma so fat stead of eating eggs and bacon she eats a pig and chickens."
Caius roared with rage. "Yo momma so fat, when she walked in front of the TV I missed 3 commercials."
Aro gasped. "Yo momma so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale"
Caius- "Yo momma so fat, at a restaurant when they give her the menu she replies 'yes Please'"
Aro-"Yo momma so fat, when she went to the beach Greenpeace tried to drag her back in the water."
Caius- "Yo momma so fat, when she went to get a water bed, they put a blanket across Lake Michigan."
Aro-"Yo momma so fat, when she sat on a rainbow, Skittle's fell out."
Caius-"Yo momma so fat, when she tiptoes, everyone yells 'Stampede!'"
Aro-"Yo momma so fat, she makes sumo wrestlers look anorexic."
Caius"Yo momma so fat, that she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step."
Aro-"Yo momma so fat that her belly button makes an echo."
Caius-"Yo momma so fat she had to get baptised at sea world."
Aro-"Yo momma so fat when she fell over, she rocked herself to sleep trying to get back up again"
Caius-"Yo momma so fat that when the whales saw her they started singing 'we are family'"
This is ridiculous. They do know they have the same mother right????
I sighed. "Desperate times call for desperate measures."
Aro-"Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise."
Caius-"Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone."
Aro-"Yo momma so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat people say 'Taxi!'"
"Sulpicia! Athenodora!" I called.
Suddenly the wives ran in. "Yes, Marcus?" They both asked in unison.
I internally chuckled. "They were saying 'Yo wife' joked." I lied.
They growled with rage, and started stalking towards their petrified husbands.
"Marcus, tell the truth, now!" Hissed Caius.
The wives looked at me for truth.
"Marcus, if you don't your lovely brothers will die." Aro tried to reason.
"Oh hell yeah they did."
The wives dragged their screaming and pleading husbands out of the room.
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