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I know this probably isn't the best site for what I need. But I'm trying to make my life better. For me and for my family. I am overweight and have been cursed with a condition that weakens my immunity. I have started taking vitamins daily, forcing myself to drink water. Forcing myself to try to keep as much as the water down as I can. Excersising when I can, even if all I can manage is a little yoga some days. And being more aware as to what I eat and how I prepare it.



I have started a garden to grow some of my own vegetables organically. I force myself to eat on a regular basis. Trying for healthy, high in vitamins and protein products.



I even, *shudders*, I even signed up for health insurance and am going to see a doctor next month. Gods, I hate doctors so much.



Oh, by the way in other news. My beautiful Porsche baby is fixed and running, one day after I finished fixing her up. *sniffles* She has a rattle in her chest. And the Gods smile at me in my failures. Well, at least the hubby got a raise. Cause now I might have to take Porsche to a car doctor. Yes, it's confirmed. The Gods are laughing at me.



So please, I would like feedback and discussions. I literally have no friends besides a couple people in other countries that write me when they can. I'd like feedback to compare what I'm doing and it will help keep me on track with my life.



Angelina signing off for now.



P.S. Did anyone else know that Pomegranate is the newest flavor of tootsie pops? Did not know that and I gotta say, it's not bad.

I had a rough few days last week, but I'm doing better now. I'm actually trying to get up and do some cleaning too. :P



I'm sad all the cold weather is going away. But I guess that means I can start on my garden soon. Maybe next week. There are rumors of a frost at the end of the month so we will see.



This year I'm growing onions, garlic, potatoes, and strawberries. Yeah, I know, strawberries are the odd ones out, but I love strawberries. My ivy plant is still kicking so that's a good sign.



Well, I guess that's it for this entry. I'm gonna go make some cupcakes. I can't decide between angel food cupcakes or devils food chocolate. :P

So, I think it's official. My husband no longer loves me. It's crushing. I've seen it coming. Watching him slowly slip away these past few months. Wanting to spend less time with me. Not listening when I'm talking to him. Wanting me less physically, but when he does want it he takes it with no regards to my feelings. Usually forcing himself on me and hurting me. And when I try to go to him so I can try to be close to him, he turns me away. He never sends me messages from work anymore, while coming home and telling me about the others girls he texted while at work.



I don't know what to do. I don't know what to think. I feel empty and confused. He is my life. All I have to work for. I wake up in the morning and think of what I'm going to do for him today. Should I make him another cake, maybe some cookies for his co-workers. What should he take for lunch to work today. Did he remember to eat breakfast before leaving. I should make sure to clean up his dishes. Did he let the dogs out or do I need to. What shall I make for dinner. Does anything need to be taken out of the freezer. Maybe I should save that for another day so we can have a nice sit-down dinner.



I tend to forget to feed myself. Or when I remember I tend not to eat anyways. Always afraid I'll eat something he'll want later. Or he won't have enough for his lunch. Or maybe, if I eat too much, we won't have enough food to make it to payday. He deserves the food. He earns the money for it. Today for example. I almost fainted on the stove making dinner cause my blood sugar is was so low for not eating all day. But I splashed some water on my face so I could make sure not to burn dinner. After I fed him, which he didn't thank me for or say any comments while he sat in front of the T.V. I rushed a few little bites before putting the rest away for his lunches, then went around cleaning after dinner. Loading the dishwasher, then loading the washing machine, because I thought maybe he was low on work socks. But when I finally sat down to take a rest, I realized he had gone to bed without saying anything to me and leaving the T.V. on.



I knew he was tired. They are doing extra training at work. He did 7 hours of bike training. Very tired. But still. . . I couldn't help but bite back tears that he didn't even say goodnight, or give me a kiss. He's been drifting so far away from me. And its becoming more and more difficult trying to reach him. And he's been so cranky this last few days. I don't know what to say, or do to make him feel better. I'm so lost. I just want to cuddle with my teddy bear and cry. But my bear is in the bedroom at the foot of the bed and I don't want to disturb him. I'm so hurt. I'm so alone.

COMMENTS

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SleeperKing27
11:37 May 23 2011

you seem like a good woman and all i can say.

is that

I hope he didnt burn out on you

let him come to you

if its meant to be

it will be!

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I already have a blog thing on another site. But I'm only gonna save it for closer friend. So I thought, if any one is actually wanting to know me. This might help. I can be random. And I can be moody. I mean roller coaster moody.



Anyways, to give you an idea.



Write now, i'm sucking on an airhead, (I don't really like to chew them.) And I'm going through the 4,000 + songs in my itunes trying to get together a few cds for my little sister to put on her first mp3 player.



She's picky, but she's young and easily swayed by peer pressure and public opinion. I'll break her of that soon enough. But I'll let her be what she wants to pretend to be for a few more years.



I was feeling pretty crappy today but then I had some alcohol and I feel better. Not a good sign and on the way to bad habits. But with no one to talk to, I just bottle up and tend to implode violently. But hey, it's Mardi Grass so some alcohol today isn't a bad thing.



I'm craving a tootsie pop, I might go run to the store. Toodles, I gots lots of music to go through.