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Why is it that some get ahead while others get squashed? I look at my life and realize that all I've done is live for others. I always had to be the best at everything. But my brother he always was handed everything. I had to earn for myself yet he could get it handed to him.

He opens a business and 10 years I asked to have help to buy it before. Then he has my family give him over 500k. This does include the money he got from partners. The sells the business out from all of us and embezzled from the business.

How is it that people like him and others like him fall in shit and come out smelling like roses and people like myself always get screwed. They make out and I end up hospitalized and semi paralyzed from a stroke from a heart attack. Nothing ever hapen to those other kinds of people.

All I ever wanted was to be happy, get married, have a family. And those who know me know how that turned out.

What does it take to break even. I look at the holidays as a horrific time of year. This year is even worse because of being sick.

Why is it that it seems that some people are cursed and others are so blessed. I have done things I'm not proud of while in the service, but it's not like I had a choice. So is this my karmic punishment, paining for sin of others. I never asked to be born or beat as a kid or the other horrible things but why is it I continue pay for it.

So the question is , is life worth living or is it easier to give up and quit and just give in.

Someone please help me understand all this.

proof in its self hours of writing disappeared into nothing in the end. Point proven

We whom walk the night, those we of might and right. But as the ages go and go we the elders thin and die off'.



What are we to look forward? Those who care for them selves . Those who feed and gorge themselves in front of us and leave us only the dregs.



The young want to have the power and learn our gifts then scamper off like rats in the dark.Not knowing the rules or consequences of their acts and what is even worse is that they don't care.

Feed, gorge, turn others with no regard to the treaties and rules of old the agreements of life and expansion.



So we of the old ways hide and cower meet in even smaller groups than in the old days. But one day like those of old the name vampire will once again will be taken serious. That night will become ours to rule again those who own the night will take it back. The roars of our hunger and glee just to be free again. Our time will rise again, no longer hiding behind the illumination or eclipse of false darkness. We will thrive once more.

I sit here viewing the sea. remembering the day when we the privileged and deserving would eat for free. Now I sit half the great man I once was. Our food tainted and corrupted. We the elite, the privileged. Now we living like vermin while those who live who don't even deserve it.

I sit here in the dark listening to the scurrying of our food and life's vermin. While sight fails but our hearing improves. I yearn for a soul, a soul of a beloved and yearning and for l, I am well deserving of a new Kindred for protection and companionship.

When we are gone who will be willing to protect the world be the caregivers for it after were gone who will protect them all then hell that is to come