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Time goes by

In this life of mine

and I wonder why

things get so out of mind



I sit here at this computer

Lost in the darkness within my soul

And I call for him, need him

Will he answer?



Only time, is all I hear

Telling me to never fear.

Things could go the way I dream

Or I could fail and loose the one I hope to redeem.



Is this the life for me

Of bittersweet memories?

To live day to day

and wonder, if I may,



the truth of what I live through

the hurt and anguish I feel inside

Is it so hard to love me

is it so hard to touch me, make me feel alive?



I feel repulsive, not attractive

Secluded because of the way I feel

this depression of solitude is addictive

and my mind whirls, as if on a reel.



Would I someday be held

Caressed in tenderness

made to feel beautiful, or will i fail

and never feel the sweet touch of a lovers kiss.



I sigh, and again I hear

Only time will ever tell

If my heart will find what I dream

or if the end is what I fear

I sit here and wonder

where my life will go

Lying awake to ponder

About my journeys long ago



Did I do something wrong

Or will it be fixed

I doubt that love could do wrong

So I lie awake transfixed



Staring at the ceiling

wondering what is it that i'm feeling

Alone in this world of darkness

It calls to me



A sigh escapes my lips

And I worry what to do now

Will I ever get the things I want

Will anything go undone



It is a timeless circle

this ever ending night

To ponder away my life

To head into the light



I hear his call but wonder

will I ever get the chance

to feel his warm embrace

To feel this feeling enhance



Only time will tell

In this endless night

So I lie awake and wonder

Will my heart ever see the light

I sit here in this room

Listening to his sweet voice

Visions dance, but for once not of doom

As I try to hold back and not rejoice



Is he real?

Someone that understands me for me

Someone that won't run when I can't deal

The one that will set me free



I can talk to him for hours

And still not get bored

The ccnversations that is ours

Forever in this conversation that has a pleasant chord.



I will see him soon

and I can't wait

to feel the absolute

that I can't await



Time will tell of this first meeting

If he is the one I crave to feel

The touch of his hand is ever leading

me to understand



This life I lead is not for naught

But for something more and enticing

The touch of his hand upon my face

The way I can feel his embrace



Hurry to us and let us feel

the way we need to in this world

The beauty he makes us feel

His words so enticing.



Hurry to us no more waiting

The world is cruel and uninviting

With you by our side we can come alive

And love enternal is this sweet life.

I awake in the enternal darkness of this world

My life a past, null and void.

Now I lay upon the bed.

As visions of my life run through my head.



Now, I felt no pain

A heart that will never gain

The love of another

My world is over.



Now the darkness beckons me

In its sweet serenity

The power I feel inside

but now forever I must hide.



Hide from those that wish to see

There's no more left of me

The living breathing soul that one would have

Is no longer there,

Just the outer shell of what I used to be, alive and bereaved.



Forever will I be

So alone for eternity.

Save me please

For without love, I'm besieged



Besieged by my pain, of wanting

Feeling, needing the love from someone for me

But still the darkness grows

And forever I'll never know.

My eyes are closed as my head leans against the back of the tub.

The water gliding over the smooth silk of my flesh as my fingers play in the water.

My mind whirling with thoughts of a dark angel.

A smile curls my lips as my knee bends in the warmth of the water.

No, it was Hot, so hot it's left the glass fogged with the steam.

My hand rises to glide over my throat as my mind conjurs up the images I want to see.

A voice whispers against my ear, telling me hello as I feel the strength of his arms wrap around me.

No longer is the back of the tub my pillow but his chest as I lean against him.

His fingers glide over my skin, caressing, as if memorizing every flaw.

His lips upon my throat brings my head to tilt, to allow him more of it as my hands glide over his arms.

He sings to me a sweet melody, as a soft sigh leaves my lips.

To feel him against me, feel him touch me, hear him sing to me.

But a dream.

I wake and I look towards the ceiling with a moaning sigh caressing my lips as my arms wrap around me and again I am alone.

My scars more visible than I've ever known.

The water is cold, the image is there but there is nothing to remember.

But a dream.

The feel of his lips so soft and smooth caressing over my skin.

But a dream.

The touch of his fingers upon my arms, gliding over my jaw.

..just a dream.

His voice, so smooth and filled with a need.

A want that is just out of reach.

A dream.

Soon I will sleep, and when I do, I pray the dark angel is there, is that wrong?

To want to feel him?

To want to see the look in his eyes as he touches me?

To wonder?

The possibilities?

I'm scarred, inside and out, so why would such a being want something such as me?

In my dreams, he does.

For in my dreams, I'm no longer scarred.

For in my dreams, I am beautiful to him.

In my dreams I'm no longer scared, to want him, to feel him inside of me.

To wonder.

As I lay down here, in the darkness

My arms wrapped around the pillow against me

Head tilts into it as silent tears fall

Unheard? Uncared?

It's time for the call





But no one hears it

No one responds.

The way I feel it

It's breaking my heart

Everythings, jumbled inside.

And all I do, is cry





My body curls around the softness,

Holding on tightly, when I feel a touch.

The touch gliding up my back, my body arches.

Breath taken in but when I turn.

I always get burned.

It's time for the call.





But no one hears it.

No one responds.

The way I feel it

It's breaking my heart

Everythings, jumbled inside.

And all I do, is cry.





My eyes close as the darkness surrounds me

My heart beat seems to start dying.

My body, lying so still

with my last breath

I call





But no one hears me

No one responds

The way it kills me

the way it tore me in two.

Everythings gone, nothing inside

And all I do, is cry.

The touch of a hand.

The warmth of his breath.

Though distance remains

A bitter starting point



Something within, wants that chance

to feel the joy of pure happiness.

But how can I tell, when things are all jumbled inside

Is this real or just another play in a game.



Now it depends, only on time

Time to see, time to hear, time to believe

in what is real

Could it be, that distance is only a factor



If we touched, would it be fire?

If we kissed would we melt in each others arms.

If we joined, would the next day be as beautiful as that one moment..

So many what if's and I feel I'm running out of time.

I dreamed of you tonight

The smile that formed upon your lips

The laughter that sounded so beautiful to hear

They both brought such joy to me

That I could make you see such a beautiful side of life



I dreamed of you tonight

The way your fingers felt upon my cheek

The way your hand cupped my face before I felt your lips on mine

My heart beats faster, as that excited knot forms within my belly

The way you touch me, makes me believe I am beautiful



I dreamed of you tonight

The way your skin glows within the candlelight

The taste of wine upon your lips

The way you feel inside of me

And I want more.



I dreamed of you tonight

The sound of my name falling from your lips

That brink of explosion where there's nothing more than you and I

The way it felt to be held in your arms.



Yeah, I dreamed of you tonight

But it was only a dream

Only a dream.

I hear a voice inside my head

It tells me to let go

Leave it alone and don't bother.

You're hearts been broke too many times to care

So why would you want to try again.



My eyes close as I listen to it.

My heart's aching as it hears the words

Words I hate to hear, but know is true

Why should I want to try again.





It speaks again as I lean my head against the wall

'Love is for fools that think possibilities are real.

You have been the biggest fool. You wear your heart

on your sleeve, what's left of it anyway. But you still try'

I can hear it tsking me as a tear slips through my lids

to glide down my cheek.

'You are the biggest fool'



I shook my head as my hazel eyes open, they're green this day,

They're always green when I am sad.

My throat is sore from trying to hide the tears from falling,

but now I just want to cry.



But instead. I screamed, my hands rising to my head

as I shook it from side to side.

"GET OUT" I screamed to the voice.

My heart thundered in my chest as my hands lowered to cover it.

"GET OUT"

I screamed again and there was silence....



My breathing slowed as I tried to listen but nothing came.

My hand rose to my forhead as I slid down the wall and stared at the carpet.

"I'm not a fool for wanting happiness", I whispered softly.

My head lowered to rest upon my arms as the rested upon my knee.





But could it be right?

Could I be a fool for trying too hard?

For working on a possiblity.

Could it be real.

Only time. Right?



Distance is the issue.

If I were there would I still attract him?

If I were there would he still think me beautiful in person.

What if, what if, what if.



I don't know. But I do know there is only one way to find out.

It's to go.

Go and see what the future holds.

The possibilities.



The questions answered, would run through me.

If it be pain, or happiness.

It's always a toss of a coin.

One or the other.



'You're a fool'

I heard it again and my head leaned back as I shook my head.

"The only fool is the one that doesn't try"

I try to sleep

But he's always there

Just beyond the heavens

To reach out and bring me

I stay up at nights just to see

If he would be on, just to talk to me

But why should I think i'm special?

There are others prettier than me that crave his attention.

There are others smarter than me that crave his affection.

So why should I think that I am different from the others?

Because I'm me.

And there is no one else like me.

Everyone is unique

But is it the me that he likes?

Is it me that brings about the what if's and possibilities.

Could I make him smile when he is sad.

Try to hold him to give him the comfort he needs.

To soothe his pain, and give him the happiness he deserves.

Would he let me?

Could I be that one?

Only time will tell, and sometimes I hate time.

Wishing to rush it forward just to see.

Time

Time

*sigh*

Only time will tell what the what ifs become and if possibilities become love.

I sit here, in this room

Watching the world go by

My life, my fears, entombed

As everyone else talks of their life



I think of you

The beautiful smile you possess

My heart jumps when I see you

It's as if my life is obsessed



I try to live through the day

Without thinking of you

Trying to wipe you out as it may,

Could you be thinking of me too?



Could it be possible?

That your thoughts are of me?

Could it be possible?

That this is meant to be?



I wish I knew

What the future holds

That if we touched anew

In your arms its me you hold



If we touched

Would it be as I dreamed

Passions sweet fire alites

And me you would deem,

worthy.



Worthy of the beautiful smile you possess

Worthy of your arms

to hold me into oblivian

Worthy of your sweet kiss

Oh God! The bliss.



My life, without love

Without the feelings of being wanted

Without the touch of a lovers caress

I want to be held in sweet tenderness



To feel beautiful

To feel alive

In this sad life.

What describes the way I feel?

For I can not tell

Can not, or will not?

That is for me to say



So still in this twilight

So dark and empty are my thoughts

This sad rainy night

I wish lovely thoughts



For if they come true

I won't ever know

I hate this room

Of reckless askew



Rubish within a beauty

of a world

That could be so much

more



The smoke rises from my cigarette

I inhale the dream within me

My thoughts are on so much more

Why should I be without



No want

No need

No love

Will I heed



It is distance for me

All that I dream lay forbidden

across the seas



What will come of me

Maybe I'll never know

Years have gone by

And still I just be



Be in this black torment

Of endless dreams and wants

Of this feeling that's embeded

In my heart.



Still I am and forever

will be



Just me

In this dark oblivian

I seek you out

Calling your name

Wondering where would you be



I can't see through the darkness

I'm so alone

A chill runs through me

And I try to soothe myself



I look for the light

Any light that I can see

Because this darkness feels

As if it's taking over me



Time goes on, and still

I can't see

Calling out your name

To come and set me free



And then, as my arms

wrap around me

I feel something

Closing my eyes

to let my other senses

free



In my mind I see

the light of your smile

Your hand is held out to me



And I reach for you

Stepping closer to see

If you are real

or only make believe.



And then we touched

My fingers curling into yours,

I sigh as relief washes through me



You wrap your arms around me

My head tilts to lay upon your shoulder

And I wake



The darkness of my dream

Calling out your name

Calling out in hopes you come to set me free.

The world lies in endless night

Awaiting the sweet light

Dawn approaches to the weary

The future seems a bit bleary



Day to day, everyone dreams

Of how to live, love in requiem

What does the future hold

"Forever doubts," I am told



Lies, cheats, homewreckers cause distruction

Sometimes one needs a little abduction

With a heart that is meant to be

Is that world for me?



Only time will tell of endless love

To see the heavens and stars above

To feel the joy of pure happiness

To end this battered soul of loneliness



My end whirls with possibilities

To wait and dream of the realities

Of what a light in the darkness holds

Of many a fortunes to withhold



Time moves on and still I dream

Of the one that will hold me with extreame

love and happiness full of hope

Or am I such a dope



For believing in fate

To get rid of all the hate

The hate of loss and love

To dream of something from above



He is real, and feels just out of reach

So much, he could teach

Teach me to feel

And know what is real



To feel beautiful, in my forever

doubting self conscience

To feel the love of outstretched arms

Hold me close with no alarms



No fears to darken my path

No doubts to lay before me

Just the joy of a new day

In this world, where I lay