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There's someone on here, an online friend whom I fancy. So in a way, yes I'm being blunt; I like him. I cherish his friendship and honestly he makes me smile especially when we talk. I enjoy the fact that he and I share common interests and are similar regarding certain circumstances. He's genuine and sincere. We've never had any issues with each other at all which is a plus. We're very different people. There is an age gap between us, with me being older than him. He doesn't ghost me either, something that has been a common factor in my life with many people over the years.
I'm scared to admit it to him.

Mostly because I don't want to get hurt. I've been hurt by someone on VR before, in June one year ago to be exact. I was somewhat involved with a so-called friend I met on here. I became vulnerable. Something I regretted doing. Eventually, he ended up ghosting me... never heard from him again despite even giving out my personal phone number...
It never ends...Same shit, different guy....

so I'm used to it by now.

Anyways,
Since then I've closed myself off. Shielded my feelings, kept myself from opening up and being vulnerable. Only to spare myself the hurt.

However with this new friend, there's something about him that I find intriguing and deeply interesting.

Considering I'm Demisexual/Demiromantic, I can only find someone attractive romantically and sexually if I have an emotional connection with them first and foremost.
Usually when guys flirt with me that I have 0 interest in, I get the biggest ICK. I don't find it cute or funny. It's a negative for me.
Even when dudes try to speak explicit to me when I'm not involved with them, it's a huge turn off.
IF there's absolutely NO emotional bond and connection with them. I see no point in anything.
I have to build a foundation for a solid friendship before anything more can proceed.

Now I know my friend has his own life outside of VR. But I can't help it, if I started to like him. I'm deathly terrified to get hurt again, which is why I keep things to me, myself, and I. I rather avoid getting hurt and having to heal my heart again.
I kind of, want to tell him. But there's that fear of abandonment and rejection that will most definitely settle in. I'm scared to be getting ghosted again.

I don't want to deal with the pain and retreating back into my shell. I'm at the age where I don't wanna play games. It's either serious things or leave me the hell alone. That's how my mentality has changed within the past year.
Not to mention, there's a deep sense of yearning I crave but I could never admit it...

But for now, I'll keep my feelings bottled up ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹