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Just feeling incredibly shitty, things I'd rather not share the specifics of with random people.



I just feel betrayed. Abandoned. Four years, damn it. And you do this now. Four years.



Maybe I'll be able to choke through the panic and rage, or at least the meds will calm me down enough to let me sleep for a bit. Almost two am. Once asleep, I should be knocked out for at least six hours or so. Planning to go out tomorrow, but right now, all I want to do is stupid things I'll regret later. (See, I do learn from past mistakes.)



I have a personality disorder. That's all the explanation you get.

Have been playing around tonight, read entries in encyclopaedias just because I love to learn all kinds of things, and reading has always come so easily to me. Went out with my dear miss Squirrel for dinner, and stalked through store after store, not really looking for anything, but found some knick-knacks anyway that I might pack up and send off by postal services to my dear ones back in dark Scandinavia.



Ah, yes, we were being the pretty ladies we always are, jumping in front of alpaca-plush-filled UFO catchers, working on getting a couple of them to grace our home, when miss Squirrel did get one! But it became stuck on the way down to her hands, so she put on her beautific pout and called for staff, a nice man who got the stuffed toy for her. We thanked him, and then I had to attempt it myself! After some cheering I, too, won myself a pink and very soft toy, only to see there was another that looked like an easy catch, and might be nice for my dear Cassandra.



However, as I made to put another coin into the machine, the staff member came back up, and opened it up. Then he looked at us, and asked which one it was we were going for. Immediately, miss Squirrel and I pointed at the same toy, and he picked it up, and showed the bottom of it, telling us it would need batteries to work, and then it would be walking around. We nodded eagerly, and he put it so that a simple push would allow us to win it! We did, and as we went, he called for us to have a wonderful new year.



And that must be the one thing to tell about today. Ah, a slight earthquake around noon, but I only noticed because the curtains started swinging back and forth!



And now, it is nearly morning, I am afraid. I shall have to go to bed, and might well spend my free day tomorrow doing nothing in particular. Ah, free time. How I shall miss you next week ...

Strange to wake to the wind rustling through the leaves of the trees outside the window. Soon, I will be moving away from here, and into a new house, larger and less remote. Might well do me some good, I believe. Looks like I will just stay at home today, curled up in my nest of blankets, and ponder the world. Tomorrow I will most likely head to Nakano and see if they still have the Sandman figurine I was so tempted to get last time I was there. The comic has close to no following these days, here in Japan, and as such, the figurine was actually a bargain compared to what it would cost me should I search for it on, say, eBay.



Either way, I am trying to work up the will to go and put on some more coffee, but alas, I am very warm and comfortable ... So it shall have to wait. Mmh, but it is too bright outside, and I am wrought with melancholy thoughts, and a feeling of being supposed to grieve someone's passing, and that the someone is indeed myself. Strange, the things the mind can come up with, and even stranger the things the heart comes to believe.

Well, then. I suppose, for most of you this is the new year, today. I enjoy celebrating things, however, and as such, I, too, have been out to dance in the year of 2012. I had a good time, met lots of new people, and several that I know since earlier, and I generally enjoyed myself.



We ate toshikoshi soba, sang along to songs that some were too you to remember, went whoopwhoop with Adrien and just danced, danced, danced. I had to hold my beloved squirrel up, after her supposed boyfriend insulted her dress and left her in the middle of nowhere for reasons he has yet to give. She returned to the party at Decabar just before the final song, and then we stumbled about, looking for breakfast at six thirty in the morning, kicked a random creep in the shins, and froze our behinds off, but all in all, she told me I helped make her year start out better than she dared hope after the disaster with her (now not-)boyfriend.



I was woken around two thirty though, an insane earthquake doing its best to toss me out of bed. I remember thinking I hope the mirror doesn't fall down, and then I curled up under the blankets and duvet, buried my face in the pillows, and waited for the after shocks to pass before I fell back into slumber, having decided that I did not wish to be up before sundown tonight.



Apparently it was a magnitude 7 quake, but deep in the earth and out to sea, so no disasters, no reported damages or injuries, just mostly people falling over. I suppose it is lucky that it came today, when most are just at home resting.



But now, I shall have to make something to eat, and then huddle back into my nest of blankets. I cannot believe that a country supposedly so up to date with electronics, do not believe in isolated houses and double or triple glass in windows ...

COMMENTS

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PosionedAthena
15:16 Jan 03 2012

Keep safe. Usually when Japan gets struck, we here in Hawaii would feel it. I can't wait to go back to Japan.

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