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With all that has been going on in my life I have really taken the time to sit back and think back on my life and where it all went wrong.
I believe it was due to my childhood. I was adopted when I was 4 years old so to start off with I always felt that I was not wanted by my real parents which caused self esteem issues there.
Then before I even started school I was sexually molested by my adopted father. This explains why I have never had any good relationships in my life and felt they were all sexually based..again self-esteem issues. I felt that the only way to make a man happy was sexually and that is all that they want. Of course I haven't really changed my mind about that because I have been led on by so many men in the past and once you give them what they want sexually then they just throw you away. Why is it no one wants me for who I am? I guess I am not worth loving. No wonder I feel like a whore most of the time because that is how I have been treated most of my life.
But with this self reflection it also opened my eyes to things also. Some of them in my heart I do not want to admit but I must. I have turned a blind eye for too long and must keep my eyes wide open to avoid anything like this happening again.
I guess I will never truly get what I want in life but now I can understand why I haven't gotten those things and can move forward from here. It will be a lonely life but one in which I will travel through with clear vision.
I for One understand you more than you could ever know, you wonderful woman, and i have said to you time over, never to feel shame or blame, and there is no need for you to. I know I love you for You. I can only be honest. You have MUCH of worth in you and I can see it all so very clearly.
In you there is so much to be proud of, Jamie, and I can only say this man here loves you unconditionally and always will. You have much to feel proud of and so much to gain, and you will.
You still may get what you want in life, as amazeing things can happen thru love. Never give up.
Mourning
05:48 Apr 14 2009 Times Read: 772
I had gotten some horrible news this evening. It is about one of my VR children. I was told about her being killed in a car accident and here is the newspaper article. I love you very much my baby girl and you will always be missed. Momma loves you sweet pea and you will always live on in my heart.
COUPLE , GRANDDAUGHTER KILLED IN CRASH WITH TRACTOR
Elgin, Minn. (KTTC-DT) -- The Plainview-Elgin-Millville community is mourning a student who was among those killed when a car collided with a tractor in rural northeast Olmsted County on Saturday afternoon.
The crash happened in Haverhill Township just before 3 p.m.
Dale and JoAnne Stahl of Elgin, died when their car came over a hill and collided with the tractor.
The car then left the road and started on fire in a field.
The couple's grandchildren were taken to Saint Marys Hospital.
17-year-old Jessica Klindworth, a student at Plainview-Elgin-Millville died at the hospital. PEM Principal Bill Ihrke says Jessica was a Junior and involved in the book club and speech.
Her sister, 16-year-old Jennifer Klindworth has been released from the hospital.
The driver of the tractor, Bradley Herman, was not hurt.
According to the sheriff's office, Herman used a crow bar to help get the girls out of the vehicle while it burned.
This is truly awful, and I can only imagine how you must be feeling. This piece is a deeply felt epitaph, and will help to release you also from the grief of this. I feel for you.
It never ceases to amaze me the healing power of song and music. I have been in a deep depression for the past week or so and last night I decided I would listen to some music while playing a game on my computer. I was taken out of the depths of darkness by the melodies and sounds of the music I was listening to.
I should have done this a while ago had I known how much better it was going to make me feel. I know that I have a struggle ahead of me but the music seemed to take all the bad away and cleared the air for me. I can now look towards the future with a smile and know that things will work out....it just takes time and some soul searching. For me it is through music that I can find peace when it seems to elude me.
I am beginning the slow road of starting over but now I can see it as a positive rather than a negative. Remember that when you are feeling down just let yourself escape with music and let it heal your soul as it did mine.
Jamie, Love; Music is indeed a great healer, and also Time, Patience and Belief In Self, at what you truly know already exists within the depths of yourself. You are going to come through this difficult period, and you are going to smile a full, warm smile, knowing you have every single reason to exists and succeed. You are loved. So loved.
Wednesday drink specials will be Silly Squirrel's Nutty Delights & Alien Brain HemorrhagesNow playing, Levi's choice my mind is a mountain by: Deftones...
COMMENTS
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xONYXCRUISERx
12:29 Apr 17 2009
Ade Xx
LOSTXSOUL
17:10 Apr 17 2009
Ade XX
VAMPIREBONNIE
03:06 Apr 18 2009
You still may get what you want in life, as amazeing things can happen thru love. Never give up.