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I go to a french-catholic highschool (yes, uniform and all), where I stick out like a sore thumb. I'm the "devil", or the "demonesse" who haunts their hallways. It's fairly flattering when you know yo can instill fear into the small-minded... but, It gets annoying when they tend to go too far with their christian ideologies.



I am in the 11th grade, so I've been going through it for a while, it's nothing I can't get through. But as some of you may know, it can be hard to cope with when you're being left out of everything, when you sit down at a table and everybody else leaves you to sit there alone, when those you thought were your friends gossip behind your back. It's not really fair. All I ever did was have a different opinion than them.



Ignorant fools.



I don't need them. I feel so much older than those in my grade. I find myself getting bored of their conversations so quickly. It's like everything I've ever heard; simple-minded, school-girl(or boy) banter. I don't really miss it.



It's not that much of a punishment; to be ostrasized from such a community. I can always find other ways to entertain myself during the short breaks between classes. But, it's never that good of a feeling... to be made to feel so different.



I am almost positive that there is a majority of people here on VR who have experienced such feelings and could probablyb relate to me, so, I don't think I'd have to explain myself too much.. it'd be like hearing your own story I guess.



So, I will cut this rant short, and leave you to your thoughts.



Thanks for reading.

*Sigh*



Although the days are becoming longer, and the sun continues to shine untill approximately 9:20 every evening... to me, the days are becoming too short; I don't seem to have enough time within the day to do as I wanted, to have been able to accomplish what I wanted.



My school is almost over, and I have 3 exams to write before I can take somewhat of a break this summer. (And by "somewhat", I mean I'm going to be taking two full-month math courses to catch up, so the summer won't be a true break.)



I have plenty of over-due projects that I should be finishing and handing in, but I do not have the will... I do not have the mental drive it would take for me to do those. All of my energies are being focussed on my final projects and on studying for my written exams.



Sometimes, all I would do during my day at school would be to sit in my classes and draw, because I honestly do not have the urge to do anything. School bores me to death.



There's just too much on my mind lately to even care.



Don't get me wrong, I'm not stupid. I do have a great amount of intellegence, but, as they say, I do not apply myself. I've been too busy feeling depressed and distraught lately to care if I pass my classes or not. (Well, that might sound stupid to you.. but I'm just saying that I could be flying past my classes like that if I had a will to do it.)



Any one else like that?

¤My Known Fettishes¤



¤ In Scientific Terms ¤



Coprolalia ("Dirty Talk")

Sadism (Hurting Others)

Masochism (Being Hurt)

Dominance (Dominating Others)

Submission (Being Dominated)

Cross-Dressing/Transvestism (Of others, preferably men)

Exhibitionism (Showing ones self to others while naked, or otherwise inapropriately)

Hypersexuality/Nymphomania (Highly Addicted to Sex)

Pyromania (Sexual fascination with Fire)

Somnophilia (Arousal by fondling someone else's genitals while they are sleeping)





¤ Simple Terms ¤



Rape Fantasy

Medical Instruments (Seringes, Rubber Gloves, Stethiscope, etc...)

Role Playing (Pirates, Master/Slave, Necrophelia, etc...)

Asphixiation (Choking)

Constriction (Crushing of the Torso)

Discipline (Punishment)

Anal Penetration (By Me, Unto Others)

Light - Heavy Bondage

Gore

Violence

PVC

Leather

Faux-Fur

Rubber

Bondage/Fetish Wear

Taste & Sight of Blood

The German Language

German Music (Das Ich, Rammstein, etc...)

Darkwave, Metal, Industrial-Rock, Industrial-Techno Music

WW2 German Officer/Commander Uniforms

Body Modifications (Tattoos, Piercings, Branding, Implants, Hole Stretching, etc...)

Humiliation (Unto Others)

Medieval Weaponry (Broad Swords, Daggers, Maces, Flails, etc...)





¤Fettish Wear¤



Gothic Lollita

French Maid

Nurse

German Officer

Pirate

Leather Outfits





¤Prefered Toys¤



Anal Beads

Vibrators

Dildos

Handcuffs (Non-fuzzy, Interior Spikes, etc...)

Rope

Zip Ties

Riding Crops

Bull Whips

Punishment/Reward Playing Cards

Leather Strapping/Restraints

Ball Gags (Rubber, Steel, etc...)

Knives

Razor Blades

Daggers

Hunting Knives

Mouth Pieces

Horse Head-Piece (Horizontal Metal Mouth Piece, Straps around the Head, Eye Averters, Harness, Reins)

Cord

Leashes

Cages

When someone finds themselves in a hopeless situation... what do they do? Some would break down and cry, some would grow so angry that they would injure anyone in their immediate surroundings, others might even resort to killing themselves and/or others.



When humans are faced with overwhelming odds, they feel so insignificantly small and helpless that they enter an oblivion.



Some people have never experienced such an attroce situation, some have only been brushed by it, so they know only a mere fraction of what it's like. Others have lived the experience once, twice or more times. Other people who've experience this, couldn't take it and are now in a hospital or in a grave.



It's sad what humans will do to themselves when they can't see a good outcome.