ElaSaeurDesAnges's Vampire Journal

ElaSaeurDesAnges's Journal

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← Nov 2025

15:55 Jan 01 2026
Times Read: 29

There was a love and a bond so deep it rewrote who I was.
Losing it shattered more than I thought possible. It wasn’t just grief, it was as if my world collapsed and
I didn’t know how to let anyone near the ruins.

So I closed myself off.

I lived behind invisible walls, moving through days like a ghost in my own life.
For more than a year, I refused closeness
not because I didn’t want it, but because love had become dangerous.
If letting someone in meant risking that pain again, then distance felt safer.
Eventually, loneliness began to ache in a different way.
I missed connection. I reached out slowly, carefully.
I made friendships. I even opened my heart enough to fall for someone new
but when it mattered most, my defenses rose like armor.
I wanted to let them close, and still, I couldn’t.
The fear had learned my heartbeat.

And I sit gaze out the window
Seasons turn by.
You've never left my mind, nor my heart.
And although it brings me much pain and grief I hope you never will.
Time does not heal all wounds sometimes it just makes you wounded and scarred, but it does make you wiser.
Somedays are easyer than others.
Somedays I break in the tragedy and memories. Sometimes I go a day without thinking of you and I am hit with both hope and guilt.
These are the things the mind does to you, isn't it.
Whatever it needs to cope. Knowing I, are bound to walk in pain..

Some days I fall, some days I don't even get up, and some days I walk strong both as a warrior and light.

I am no longer the person I was.
For better or worse.

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