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It rained today. It was excellent. After the clouds had shed all their tears the sun came out. Honestly I never really thought about it until now. People spend too much time looking down. Can any of you tell me that you have seriously noticed what the tops of the telephone poles look like? Or how high to branches of all the trees actually reach? No? But I am sure you can tell me a few cars you have seen today or describe the store fronts you have been around and maybe even an odd looking person you have ran into today. I am not saying you shoundn't notice those things. Lol in fact I doubt that would be possible. The fact of the matter is if all of us spent a little less time looking down and more time admiring the tree tops and the moutain peaks once and awhile we might be able to shake life off our backs now and again to be able to catch our breath.

I have never doubted myself and I won't start. Deep down I know how much I can do and how much I will do. I am never anything except what I am. I change when I see fit just like I split my rib cage open when I feel like it. Lately I have found myself looking for the easy way out, Just to fall from this tight rope and smash rock bottom. How wrong I am, I am beginning to see the easy way out is clinging to the very thing I thought was saving me from losing what I thought I could. I will not let this win now that I know what is there. This is my choice and I am going to make it one hell of a time. Here is to taking that first wobbly step to a free falling freedom and if I ever hit rock bottom at least I will know I enjoied my way down.

I will not be part of your broken and huddled masses. I will not wait to be fixed nor do I need to. I will have a voice and I will use it. I refuse to let this comfortable darkness consume me, I will rise against it like I have risen against against every other challange in my life.



It's funny how those who lack words can say so many meaningful things. Visiting with the wise and familiar beings that I am so lucky to have in my life really puts the world into perspective. Do they know what is going on or is it something larger making itself known threw them? It's a beautiful thing to find such wisdom in the silence.

It leaves you feeling like the sink full of last nights dishes or maybe the shopping cart stuck at the furthest end of the parking lot. Maybe the bible verse that is over looked until that fateful Sunday afternoon. I could go on and on.. Too many thoughts to unravel and to many people screaming at me for signatures on important documents that I can't sign until I read but I can read until everyone stops screaming. I guess I could just as easily scream back at them but I think I will just take a stroll and let everything take it's course dispite how badly I really want to do everything right here right now.. BAM! lol peace out..

I need to go running. I need to get lost in loud and defining music. I need to rob a bank. I need to get that adrenaline pumping threw my veins, I am just so restless.

I need to feel hands running down my body as the temperature rises. I need to dance until my muscles burn. I need to find trouble. I need to find something to chase, I need to be chased.

This endless restlessness can't keep going on. It only builds as time goes on, I need to find a release before I explode..