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A ROOKIE cop was so determined to make his first arrest he chased a suspect despite having a BRANCH stuck in his eye.



PC John Nash, 25, only realised the horrific extent of the injury after the man he arrested told him: “Mate, you’ve got to go to hospital.”



John had been in the force only six days when he started pursuing two cars being driven erratically.







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One of the cars pulled over and the PC began to chase the men — but he slipped head-first into a bush and skewered his eye on the end of a branch.



The six-inch piece of wood snapped off but, incredibly, John was unaware how badly he was hurt. It had pierced his eyelid, smashed a cheekbone, forced itself under his eyeball and had come to rest against his brain. But John carried on chasing one of the men in Rochdale, Gtr Manchester.



He said: “I thought I’d hit my baton as I fell. I just thought I’d given myself a black eye.



“The suspect was still trying to get over a fence and I grabbed his ankle. He kept referring to my face and I said, ‘That doesn’t matter — come on’. Then somebody said, ‘Get an ambulance quick’. I wondered whether he was talking about me.”



John underwent three hours of surgery at Blackburn Royal Hospital, Lancs. He has retained some sight in the eye and hopes it will return to normal.



Surgeon Annaswami Vijaykumar said: “If the wood had entered a few millimetres differently the eye would have been permanently damaged.” John, who is engaged, added: “I would do the same again tomorrow. I love my job.”



The suspect was later released.

The other day, my friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club. One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10 bill. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek!

Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill. She calls the guy back over, licks the $20 bill, and sticks it to his other butt cheek. In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend pulls out a $50 bill and calls the guy over, and licks the bill. I'm worried about the way things are going, but fortunately she just stuck it to one of his butt cheeks, again. My relief was short lived. Seeing the way things are going, the guy gyrates over to me! Now everyone's attention is focused on me, and the guy's egging me on to try to top the $50. My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet. What could I do? Then the marketer in me took over! I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his ass, grabbed the 80 bucks, and went home. . .

COMMENTS

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chrysanthemia
11:50 Jan 26 2009

I've heard this joke before.



And it is revolting! Don't ever lick money, ever, ever, ever. Do you have any idea how dirty it is? It's inconceivable.



Anyway other than that it's funny.

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POST COMMENT

Proper weight control cannot be attained by dieting alone; however, many people who are engaged in sedentary occupations do not realize that calories can be burned by the hundreds by engaging in strenuous activities that do not require much (or any) physical exercise.



Here's the guide to calorie-burning activities and the number of calories per hour they consume.



Beating around the bush . . . . . . . . .75

Jumping to conclusions . . . . . . . . . 100

Climbing the walls . . . . . . . . . . . 150

Swallowing your pride. . . . . . . . . .50

Passing the buck . . . . . . . . . . . .25

Pushing your luck. . . . . . . . . . . 250

Making mountains out of molehills. . . 500

Hitting the nail on the head . . . . . .50

Bending over backwards . . . . . . . . .75

Running around in circles. . . . . . . 350

Climbing the ladder of success . . . . 650