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Why can't I. I mean. I have no purpose here. All I do it hurt people. I can't seem to keep the ones I love happy. I get pissed over small things. Then I make it a huge deal. Nothing seems to help. Not even what used to. Im tired of the pain. Im tired of the drama. Im tired of everything. The lies. The fake "I Love You"s. The ill always be there for you. All of that shit. I want to go away to somewhere and be with a certain someone. They make me feel wanted. They act like they love me. I dont know but its the closest ive ever felt to someone. And ive never even met them. But sometimes I dont even think that will take away the hurt that I call my heart. I swear. No matter how much I try its frozen. Or not even there. I dont know. The pain doesnt help anymore. Im tired of living this human life.

Its almost 5 in the AM eastern time. And my scalp BURNS!!!!! I know why though. Im dying my hair. It sucks. Lol. I stayed up all night cause I couldnt sleep. I read a 300 page book in one sitting. So now im downstairs on the computer in a bathrobe smokign a cigarette dying my hair. My life is so. Different? I dont know. lol. Lets see how long I stay up this time......

I hate the words. I Love You. They are hollow and fake to me. They mean nothing but when they do its not how I wish to be loved. I cant help but weep at night sometimes and wonder why cant I be loved. What is wrong about me? No one gets me. No one takes what I do and thinks its great. Gah. Oh well. Im done. Oh yea. For the actual entry. I woke up late got a pack of cigs (YAY *squee*) went to the bill place with my mom and got our water turned back on. Finally. Im so happy I can take a hot shower in my own house. Other then that. Not much really. I am finally a Shadow. It sucked being a Whelp and Misquito. I cant spell. Im tired STFU!