The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

As some of you know, I've gone to quite a few funerals in my life because of the life expectancy of others is crashing down. I did really good at this funeral only for the reason that i had not been in contact with this person for about 3 or so months and they lived a little over a thousand miles away-literally. My grandmother on my uncle Joe's side died two days ago and the funeral was today. I couldn't get to crying until I walked out of the cemetary and had cigarette by the car. I knew Dot well enough that she was a very sweet person and would gladly give the shirt on her back to help someone out. She asked me frequently how I was over the winter. That was when I heard that she had Cancer. ANOTHER CANCER VICTIM! It never ends. She lost her hair to the kemo and still had her slight changed voice-not by much. And her eyes were foggy a little. Jacob noted that her eyes were so foggy looking that he wasn't sure she could see him, but fallowed his voice when she told him she loved him when he sat beside her on her last breathing day. My poor little cousin. *sigh* I feel so awful for the whole family. The only one I did not see there was Ryan. Not that I hate his guts, but he hates mine I'm sure. I was glad not to see him at all for if I did, I was sure that he would have had a problem with me being at grandmother Morris's funeral. Uncle Joe was there for it was his mother. I was angry at him for coming uninvited to my brothers funeral, but he didn't seem upset that I was there at all. Perhaps he knew that I would be there to show the love and support for the family as all I could give with heart and soul. Aunt Debby gave Aunt Renee a hug and told her she missed seeing her since the devorce happened with brother in law decided to be brutal and beat the living shit out of my aunt.



I hate him for that. I hate him for beating Josh with his fists by the time he reached only 14 years old. But that's besides the point and the reason for journaling....I'm just rambling before my heart explodes with unimaginable sadness for my aunt and the toll it's played on the entire family for having to visit ANOTHER funeral this year.



When I left the cemetary, I just sat there at the wall in the little shade that was provided and tried not to cry while i was wondering if this changed anything about some. Did it further harden thier hearts or soften them enough to pass for human again like they could when they were once children. Finaly my few cousins and mother and aunt come walking down the little road of it and i follow, wiping away the tricky tears from my eyes before they can roll off my chin. Turns out Grandma gave Renee a card saying she'll always be ther for her but she couldn't find it and can't believe she thought gram was mad at her this whole time.



This whole thing just breaks my heart.

I run an anti-meth group on a site and some have come into the site and just blown it up like i'm this big bad person. Some have been a great contribution, but obviously most that have come to the site have not even wanted help or just wanted to cause trouble. This upsets me. ...I hate it. i just might start banning negative users. What more can I do.

It's just 2 more days until i'm sitting on a train and meeting up with somone in Albany NY



My headaches are finally under control. they weren't headaxhes at all. They were migranes from HELL. I don't have sineses or however it's spelled. But I got some EXCEDREN and I've no longer had to double my dose of sleeping pills or waking in the middle of the night from my pain interveining into my dreams. It's so odd now. Plus my adult back teeth aren't hurting any more either. They must be done. Anyway, I still can't lean on my left side without it hurting , but they migranes have stopped coming out to interupt my daytime life anymore like they were. I had to literally carry a bottle of asprin or tylonal or some shit like that to keep them from deteriating my ability to be as rambunxious as i felt. So, yeah, kudos.



In other news, Jangels is using the litter pan, playing with Zarek and Liaka's accepted him now completely, but she won't let him drink from her like Zarek does because he's old enough to not do so. Jack doesn't give a shit cuz he's in heat. And Mr. Boo still won't come out of the lilac bushes from Mz. Brown's property next door. Howard was finally introduced to Jangels the other day. He looked down, stopping dead in his tracks. "What the hell is that thing doing in my house?" he frowned in his Southern truckers accent. "It's Dee's." I said. "His name's Jangels." leaving out that it was the short version of her Mr. Bo Jangels. Which is kind of improper and I would not call him such. So Jangels it is.

It's not so bad. I just don't like the painting anymore. At least I'm not under the house like Tom is, putting cufflings and other shit together for the new ppiping. We've been painting for weeks now. My arms are killing me. And my showers are a little longer, because I'm tired. There's no more music. No more fun. It's all gone serious, as I know it should be. Now it's just boring.



Dee got a new kitten. How odd that someone mentioned the same colored kitten. Except hers is a boy and named Jangels. It's shy-except around Zarek now that we've gotten it stoned. Both of them. We tried bringing her kitten in, but the two of them stick to the door, playing with eachothers paws through the little hole. And before they discovered it, Jangels was already clawing at it and meowing to go outside. So we figured it would be alright if they stayed out, but Tom came home and put him back inside. Liaka's doing alright. She accepts him. Even Jack. Wich is as odd as it can get, because he doesn't even like Zarek becuase he's too ...hyper.