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Sooooo guess who got sucked into going to the local Applebees (this like American bar restaurant thing) after work?



I DID!!!



It wasn't too bad...

ended up getting a head ache from the t.v.s

Have you ever noticed that t.v.s ( on or off ) tend to make this high pitched ringing noise. Well...that noise drives me nuts. And unfortunately for me the restaurants had like 5 t.v.s going.



I still have a head ache.



12 ibuprofen later.



Still there.



Anyways on with my ranting.



I know this is going to sound stupid but I had dating. I hate getting to know people. Going through the motions. I hate being told right off the bat that I'm sexy or hot or cute or my eyes are mysterious or Ive got big boobs or I'm very tall ( actually I'm five feet 6 inches how is that really tall?!?!?!?) or I should be a model blah blah blah ect. ect. ect.



I hear it a lot.



I already know this.



If you don't have anything else to say?

then go away please.



And that's me asking nicely.



I want a suitable mate. ( I know that sounds funny but I don't know how else to put it )

ONE mate. I don't want to have sex and go through SEVERAL mates to find ONE mate.

Society disgusts me. It all just isn't my thing.

I want trust. Devotion to just one person. I believe that love is sacred. That that kind of love is rare and even the most sacred kind of love. To be with one and one only. Not with many and then decide okay now I want to settle down. That's why so many kids are being born in the u.s. by stupid parents because of YOLO or whatever and in turn those kids will grow up and live a unfulfilled and empty lives. I sometimes have to walk past a high school I live by and that's all I see some of these kids. They are empty...making the same mistakes their parents did or following what their empty friends are doing to fill a void they will never be able to fill themselves because no one taught them how.



So this was all I could think about while I was at the bar/restaurant getting hit on by all the guys. and occasional girl. I've got my cat. I'm set. And all you guys who might end up reading this (actually I think you will most likely end up reading this ) Don't you dare underestimate me. Believe you me. I hate what I can see. Because I see through everything.....



Just thought I would share.

COMMENTS

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Angelus
00:13 Nov 27 2012

share away, I think your journal got added, well readable. different than mine... stylewise.. but, I like it.

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POST COMMENT

I'm starting to think this is more like a public diary.

Eh.



I'm always learning new things about myself and my perception of myself and the world through out my awakening.



Like the fact that im always hungry but there is never anything to eat.



No seriously. I have wayyy to many food allergy's.

So cooking and learning to cook new and interesting and healthy foods. Its actually kind of fun. Its me time. And somethings turn out really good and other times my cooking goes horribly wrong. There is this website I often zone out on at work called pintrest. Their cooking section is marvelous. I know that I want a pressure cooker for xmas.



Still....I can cook and cook and cook sometimes.

I will sometimes make three meals that I would decide yes I am hungry for this. And then find that they either smell too much or it will look really good but I'm not hungry for it when its actually there on my plate.



This is frustrating...

Well...at least the co workers like what I make.

I like helping people.

And i feel that the people who can eat and enjoy regular food appreciate my meals.

That makes me happy.

I guess this is a little personal. I needed a place to find others who I can talk to about whats changing about me. Its a really weird story actually. But through educating myself I felt I should find someone like me to talk to, educated me, and to mentor me.



SO.



A few nights ago I was spending my usual time at a coffee shop near where I work. I was lucky to be closing. I hate working early morning and afternoons. And this guy...this....random dark stranger glanced at me. For a split second. Our eyes met. I'm kind of a sensitive person. I can always tell when someones looking at me or getting close to me. But this time it was just so overwhelming. Loads of emotions just kinda flooded in my head. I knew those emotions were not what I was feeling. I was content. I was perfectly content in my corner reading some random newspaper I found on the table.



This always happens to me.

I just thought I was just easily stimulated by being near people.

I'm a content person.

Always happy to keep to myself.



So anyways.



This guy who most certainly favored a darker nature, I could feel it, smell it, see it all over him. He was dark. He was mysterious. He was a beautiful person. He came and sat across from me at my table. He sat there. And said to me that I was awakening. And that there was so much more to me that he could feel. So naturally I thought this guy was nuts. Then my head just started flooding again with these emotions. And he started to hold his temples. He told me that I was strong. That it was going to take some time getting use to. He said you are a vampire.



Annnnnnd I laughed.

At that time I was like vampires aren't real.

I was thinking he was just some stupid twilight fanatic.

And he said to me no not like twilight.

Sooo that freaked me out.

The flood of emotions started to get better.

like I was getting more focused in.



I decided to humor him so I asked what made him think that.



He started explaining and giving me all this information. the more he talked. The more I felt scared, but blissful, but like he knew what I was going through. It was like he was empathizing with me only not through a lot of talking. Just sitting there looking each other in the eyes. I'm not even so sure if we were talking anymore.



Then his drink was announced he nodded and left.

I didn't even get his name. I thought it was weird.

I went home and went about my business as usual.



The next day I had off work. Which of course was glorious. Slept till 4pm too haha. And I could not stop thinking about what this guy had said. I did research for days. I believe that what I am would be a psy vampire. I believe. But now I need someone. I always go back to the coffee shop but he is never there anymore. So I'm looking for people. a community. To talk to online to find some peace. Some help. Someone I can relate to for once in my life.



I guess...let the journey begin.