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I may have done something I should not have.
I may have embarrassed myself in the process.
Am I learning, if it’s something I’ve done multiple times for the same outcome?
I just want to feel a certain way. I know the feelings are fleeting, and the reward is nonexistent. But I want to continue on, feeling good in the moment, and not in the long term. I don’t want to think about what I deserve, what I may or may not ever have, and all the people I haven’t met who will leave me.

I just want to keep on keeping on in my objective reality.

I don’t want to exist. Wouldn’t it be a relief to not ever feel again?