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Well no sleep for me again....been up 48 hrs at least. No Steven either.....God he pisses me off. See if I am there for him when he needs someone. I've always tried to be there.....my head is spinning.....I think it is cause of all the pills I took. I feel kind of light headed as well....Oh well you play you pay.

~Well lets see....life sucks. There is no nice way of putting it. Everytime I think things are going good something has to come along and fuck it up. Life is nothing but a crule twist of fate. For some it is all good and for some like me.....it just suck! Steven and I are fighting....this time I think I am just gonna keep him out of my life. I am sick of his lies. He does not seem to understand how much they hurt. Yes to some it may be no big deal, but for me it is....cause if you lie about little things, then it is only a matter of time till you life about the bigger stuff. Maybe it is best that Steven and I part and go our own ways. Sometimes it is the only thing one can do.~

~It's been a bit since I last updated this journal so I figured I would up date :-) Oh such joy I know....Not much going on here in my own little world. I can not believe I am actully up! Normally my bum is still in bed, Maybe the depression is leaving and now the manic side is setting back in?? Who knows......who cares? Steven is not feeling well :-( also we have been fighting off and on. We have such a great realationship.....yeah maybe for psycho ppl. Well guess that is it......blah, blah, blah~

Found out over the weekend my father in law has cancer. He had to have surgery to remove it and the Dr's believe they got it all. I am glad about that. I do not think my husband would of been able to handle it if he lost his father right now. Grant it he is not really close to him, but still. I also go the shock of my life...my father whom has not spoken to me in like 4-5 yrs called me out of the blue......weird.



I often wonder if something is up cause for my father to call me.....hmmmm. Vid and I have been fighting alot lately about money and bills. He has gotten very aggressive towards me and the kids. I do not really like it, but there is nothing I can do right now. I do not wish to piss him off, he may try to take the kids.



So much for a happy new year.....Steven was suppose to call me tonight but hahahaha jokes on me. I bet ya 10-1 he will say he fell asleep. I am so sick of his ass and they way he is so one sided about everything. Fuck it!

YAY!!! It is the last day of 2005!!! I am so glad! This year has been nothing but shit for me. I am hoping 2006 will be a much better year. I am not going to hold my breath though cause I have a way of screwing things up, but one can hope. I am not sure if I will talk to Steven tonight. Seems his cell phone has taken a shit and he has lost internet. I often wonder if this is just his way of telling me in a not so direct way he does not want to talk to me any more. When it comes to Steven I do not know what to think any more. Guess time will tell....seems that is all I have, time.