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I think about him

Everyday

My best friend

My dreams

Filled with him

Visions of love

Happiness

Bliss

Peace

I see him smile

I feel the warmth

Of his embrace

The feeling of safety

But as I wake up

I see my life as is

The suffering

The unhappy one

I feel cold

Dead

Unstable

Lost

Let me return to my dreams

I don't want to wake up

Release me from my pain

Let me live

He is forbidden to me

and yet

He loves me

And I love him

He will always be

My forbidden Dream

My forbidden Love

People around me

Seeing me

Laughing at me

Telling me I'm worthless

Taking stabs at me

I cover my ears

Trying to ignore them

But the voices continue

To the point

I want to scream

Feel my blood

Flow through my fingers

As I tear the wound open

I start to laugh

"Is this what you all wanted?"

"Are each of you happy?"

"You each pushed me two far!"

"Now I am the monster each of you helped create!"

"Especially you..."

I look to the one standing in the shadows

You love me and yet you hurt me

Everyday

Telling me I am wrong

How I would love

To make you fee

The same as me

I want you to feel

The anger

The pain

With knowing

Things won't be the same

I want you to see

The damage you caused

"Repair it?"

"Sorry that will be hard to do"

My mind it torn

Heart Shattered

Body wounded

Soul lost for eternity

To Darkness

I have had time to think

While walking

About my life

Mostly about one thing

My heart

I watch couples

Who are happy

Hold each other

When times are tough

Even dry each others tears

Why cant that be me?

Why cant I be happy?

I turn to look at the silent one

Always standing watch

Vigilantly everyday

Looking at the clouds

I question things

Why do you continue to fight?

Because of an order?

Or is it love for people like me?

When will it end for us?

As I continue to think

The wind lightly blows

And clouds open up

Letting the sunshine through

I feel as if someone

Is next to me

Holding me

Warm

Protective

Strong

Yet Gentle

Loving

Courageous

I close my eyes

Trying to stop the tears

I whisper the words" I love you"

Walking away I feel the response

In my Heart

Continue to protect others

I'll continue protecting you

Like only an archangel does.