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Why is when taking a teenage shoe shopping such a stressful task?

Today has been good. But im to shattered to go into details so shall write it up tomorrow once i am more rested and with it.

The pressures of life can be so heavy, that after a while, the weightiness of it all becomes to much, that the sanity and all humanity just seeps out in a slow, small exausted breath.

The tiresome energy it takes to, inhale can really make a person on the edge wonder if it is truly worth the effort to even try.

Or should humanity just snap, explode and rip what shred of dignity they had burried left?

Today has been cold but active.

Decided to write a little more to a book i started some time ago but was interupted by a friend visiting.

So i stopped for refuel break and the conversation was flowing about things that were happening in her life and about one of her friends who was moving in with a bloke she had met off of an internet dating site.

I wished her friend well as being polite and all but then she asked me why i was still single and why had i not gotten back on the dating scene.

Slightly thrown off by the question i felt a bit annoyed.

However i did remain calm and answered her that with a disabled child it is not exactly easy getting out and about on dates. She suggested E-harmony a site that meets all the requirements for a single girl like me could need and as long as i was honest on it i would be dating in no time.

I replied by asking if she single looking for a man would she ever find it exceptable that the man asked her not to have kids of his own and that she had no intention of having anymore. That the man would have to except any kids she did have including a disabled child that would prodominantly take up most her time.

That chances are you would not be willing to re locate or change certain things in her lifestyle.

When she finished hearing what i had said the conversation changed in a different direction of how christmas had gone and the new year.

One thing is for sure i know how to stop a conversation dead in its tracks.

She left an hour or so but as she left she couldnt resist in poionting out that year it could be mine.

I ignored it and went back to my writing for a while then popped out to the shops for a quick stock up.

So the last few days have been a bit of a mixture.



Friend has six more weeks to go with her pregnancy. The sooner she gives birth the less time she will have to text me in the early hours of the morning or phone me up to ask me if something is normal or not.

Im trying to be patient but my smoking has increased once again.

My eldest has been a right ray of sunshine over the weekend with constant attitude and sulks. My youngest was the only one who behaved and had a good weekend.



I enjoyed todays peace and quiet. We are due some snow any time now as parts of the U.K. it would appear are having a late winter. It has not hit where i live as yet. But the ground is cold enough should it want to settle.

Im hoping that there is not to much and that the kids get to school tomorrow but if not im stocked up for a few days and entertainment has been sorted.

Been a long day. So was meant to get touch ups done on my tattoos today But somehow bloke who booked me in booked me for tomorrow instead of today. No great biggy but a bloody pain and inconvinience as i was all set for a load of pain today but oh well.



So i did the sensible thing and picked up some baby clothes for my friend who is having the oddest cravings ever.

She suggested i try marshmellows with garlic sauce to dip in. I suggested she push that demonic sprog out and fast! That is just plain nasty and made me balk. She even has a thing for dipping cheesy puffs into sweet and sour sauce. Just wrong!!!!!!

So i have picked up pink for her as its a girl she is expecting and loaths the color.

I do believe it is called payback for the times she has gotten noisy toys for my two.....



I have also been getting odd calls over the last few days where the number is with held and no one speaks.

So not sure what that is all about um hmmm yeah. Creepy pervs wont be getting much fun out of me lol

So today has been pretty good. The boys went back to school and i could finally enjoy a morning cuppa to myself. I didnt sleep to much last night aside from the flippin bird twittering across the street that i swear had a mega phone attached to its beak! But i was so excited at the thought of having a morning to myself that i couldnt settle. So anyhow after my fourth cuppa i finally took my ass off to the hairdressers and got my hair chopped off. I mean it is short now. So it wont take 3 hours to dry off just 1 hour instead lol Oh and its purple now instead of its fiery red as well yay to me lol

So its been 12 years now since my life changed completely.

In those years i have become very independent and learnt that it is ok to make mistakes as that is what parenting is. A learning lifelong experience.

It has changed me. I thought i was strong back then but i was naive and muddled through it.

The only regrett i have is not that i broke away from their father but that their father chose not to be in their lives and that they have had to grow up with out him.

Yes it was bad between us at the end but to hurt children that way. I just dont know.

Maybe he will have the courage to explain to his kids why he didnt visit cause i cant answer that one for them when they ask me.

But today i intend to celebrate my choices. I know in my heart i made the right choice.

Had a bad night trying to sleep. My ear is hurting so much with the infection. Meds are hardly doing much and i dont want to take the maximum dosage as it would make me to sleepy during the day time.



On the plus side kids go back to school on tuesday and i can sleep for longer periods of time if need to in the day.



Just dont know how i could have gotten it but i did.

Ok my pregnant friend who is constantly buzzing in my ear now, asked me when the Easter holidays begin? Im still on my last week on Christmas holidays and havent even thought as to when Easter is this year. All because she has a craving for cream eggs. They are seasonal you can buy them any flippin time!!!!!!!!!